“When there is no more room in Hell, the dead shall march on parliament” (Sorry, George, but it was either that or posting this video and I didn’t think that a music video was quite appropriate enough for an introduction.)
As it turned out, Hell was fully booked and the bouncer was sitting on a waiting list that felt longer than the ‘Day of the Dead’ remake (seriously, what an AWFUL film) – and so, on August 30th the zombies revolted. Raising their decrepit, rotting corpses up from the dregs of the underworld, through the crust of the Earth and crawling forth into the burning sunlight which sizzled against their oozing flesh… they formed a peaceful protest in Westminster, just outside the Houses of Parliament.
The CURE (no, not the rock band), also known as the Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality, arranged this rather large gathering of animated corpses in hopes of raising some of the more important issues which are affecting our undead brethren on a daily basis: the legalisation of marriage between the living and the undead, to increase the minimum statutory retirement age to beyond death, and to make cemeteries more comfortable for their inhabitants. With the key issues in hand, bank holiday Monday rolled on and it was time to shuffle (slowly) on Parliament!
Important issues all, so important in fact that Capcom couldn’t help but step in and back the world’s first ever zombie political party protest. As you may or may not have heard, Dead Rising 2 is being released very soon, and was sadly neglectful of these issues surrounding the zombies daily plight. Fortunately for Capcom, by backing this gathering they have saved themselves the embarrassment of this and shown we all need to take much better care of our dead! With the key issues in hand, Capcom sat proudly in the background fanning themselves with Dead Rising money.
Being the brave warriors of journalism that we are, Ready-Up grabbed our torches and pitchforks (because we’re awesomely clichéd like that) and ran to central London to watch the whole event happen. The highly talented Loz even grew the balls to bring her camera and attempt to document the undead rebellion so that future historians would have undeniable proof that zombies once roamed the human plains and didn’t vote for Labour (political satire. Not my strongest point).
We arrived at around 11am, or at least Loz did, I was left at the mercy of London’s Underground system which apparently is somehow less organised than a huge group of creatures with broken legs and no higher brain functions. I was surrounded by a wild pack of brain dead, drooling, barely moving animals who somehow had found a way to smell even more putridly disgusting than they looked… however, once I got off the District line train and out into Westminster things began to pick up quite a bit!
Over 50+ undead minions of The CURE were wandering free outside the Houses of Parliament without a single person armed with a House of the Dead 2 shotgun in case thing got unruly – insanity! Luckily, however, Loz had noticed that the undead are quite partial to having their photo taken and had used that to Ready-Up’s defence. Sadly some others were not so fortunate…
Soon though, the remaining survivors began to notice ‘the pattern’. Anybody who happened to be wearing one of the very snazzy ‘Zombies Are People Too’ shirts (Loz and I had snatched one each for extra super mega protection) were spared from the oncoming politically influenced horde. This was a great relief and both Loz and I were able to kick back with some of the non-zombified journalists and chat about the epicness of Dead Rising 2: Case Zero (which is currently available on Xbox LIVE for a mere 400 Microsoft moon dollars! I’m just saying…) while the sign-armed undead marched in a strangely circular motion around the nearest statue.
We discussed the thing we were most looking forward to in Dead Rising 2, my personal favourite being the possibility of combining two random items into a totally new kind of weapon and Loz’s being simply smiling with utter glee anytime anybody even mentioned the notion that Dead Rising 2 was only three or so short weeks away from release. Overall, it was a really successful day for the CURE; it was a tremendous boost after they had been in 4 constituencies in this past May’s General Elections and not come last in any of them! (suck on that, UKIP!) The mood was relaxed, the zombies were busy chasing very scared looking Chinese tourists around a local bus tour which was driving past, and we had plenty of gaming banter about dismemberment to keep us entertained.
This peace, of course, was not to last. Soon two of the undead took note of our happiness and joy on this very solemn of occasions. They believed that we were laughing at their pain, which technically we were by describing our favourite ways to dismember them with Frank West, but that didn’t mean we didn’t want them to have the right to vote!
Loz tried to fend them off with the camera flashes, but this only angered them further. Soon nearly every zombie had turned their attention to us. The camera had proved ineffective, we tried offering them promotional copies of Dead Rising 2 (which we didn’t have, but they didn’t know that!) but it was no use, soon we were overrun and outnumbered. Cornered and scared, Loz and I just managed let to out our final cry: “Don’t forget to buy Dead Rising 2 when it comes out at the end of Septemb…b… brrraaaiiinnns!…”
On August 31st 2010, a crack team of investigators were sent to the scene of a zombie protest rally outside the Houses of Parliament. Though many signs were recovered, no members of the CURE political party were found. Though many believe that they are forever growing in numbers in hopes of the next general election. All that was found was a blood soaked camera, these were the photos which remained on the memory card:
Photos by Loz Masters
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