News Just In

The Shunt

  • A road rage RAMPAGE has left a driver badly shaken and his car WRECKED.

Speaking from the scene of the incident, in Hackney, London, visibly shaken Tony Chandler, 31, said: “It was terrible. I was simply driving along, minding my own business. I was on top of the world, just cruising along. There were a few cars in my rear-view, but nobody really close. I may have been going a little bit fast, but I had the open road ahead of me, and I simply didn’t expect what came next.”

Hackney, yesterday.
Hackney, yesterday.


“Suddenly, from nowhere, a huge red ball of lightning appeared in my rear view mirror. It appeared to  have come from one of the cars behind me. I was surprised, wondering if it was ball lightning or some other such phenomenon. I swerved, but it was too late and bang, my car was shunted into the air and the next thing I knew I had hit a wall, pretty hard.”

As Mr Chandler struggled to keep his badly damaged car going, driver after driver drove past, and not one of them stopped to help. Unbelievably, though, the worst was yet to come.


As the stricken driver attempted to slow to a stop and call the AA, another driver BARGED straight into his car, causing further damage and causing his car to SLAM into a wall. He recalls: “By now I didn’t really know what was going on, my car was smoking pretty badly, my windscreen was cracked and broken, and my heart was pounding pretty loudly. I must have been quite confused by then, because I thought I saw some small pink flashing things hit my car, which only caused me to swerve further.”


Fortunately, his car was still just about running, so Tony decided to continue along the road, as he knew there was a garage just a few hundred feet up the road. A slightly trembling Mr Chandler recalls what happened next: “I only had one more corner to go, and despite the fact my car was scraping quite badly along the road, and billowing with black smoke, I was pretty sure I could make it. Imagine my surprise, then, when I came around the last corner to find a huge orange ball in the middle of the road. It was too late to miss it, and BOOM.”

Mr Chandler's expensive sports car.
Mr Chandler's expensive sports car, before the events of yesterday.


The orange ball, suspected by traffic officers to be some sort of IED (Improvised Explosive Device) completely destroyed his car. Sergeant Harris of the London Traffic Police had this statement: “At the moment we have no idea exactly what happened on that roadway in Hackney, and we are calling for witnesses to step forward. We do get some road rage in this area, often caused by the Congestion Charge, but this is the first time we’ve come across people rigging up explosives in the middle of the road. After Mr Chandler’s vehicle came in contact with the explosive device, it went off with a serious bang, wrecking his vehicle. Mr Chandler was lucky to survive, and indeed, the force of the impact caused him to black out for several seconds.”


Attending officers were SHOCKED that when they found the unconscious Mr Chandler, he woke up quickly, and insisted on jumping into another car to continue his journey instantly. Ambulance driver and paramedic Steph Johns recalls: “He leapt up, rushed to a new car, and immediately carried on. We thought he must be in shock, as he kept muttering ‘Bastards’ and ‘I can still win this one’ – nonsensical rubbish like that. You wouldn’t have believed that two seconds before, it looked like we’d have to get the Fire Brigade to cut him out of the vehicle.”


Mr Chandler was fortunate, as this is not the first, or even the most bizarre case of road rage in the area. Just last week, a young boy was left in critical condition after his birthday treat EXPLODED into violence when a fellow go-karter caved in the back of his head with a large azure tortoise shell. Police at that bizarre incident said the motive was probably jealousy, as the boy was winning the race at the time.







5 responses to “News Just In”

  1. Graeme (GraeXZ) avatar
    Graeme (GraeXZ)

    I think the amount of incidents like this happening on our streets these days is absolutely terrible, I blame those terrorists with their missile firing XBobs and their nuclear powered Planestation 2s, how can they get away with being able to Fully Bolt people in to walls or dropping mines in the streets, it’s political correctness gone mad! I think I’m going to have to write a letter to the British Transport Police to try and encourage them to catch these ruffians and bring them to justice, or at least leave a few more shield and repair power ups in the street for us normal drivers who only drive D class cars!

    And I bet this Mr Tony Chandler fellow whoever he is, is probably in on the whole thing with the lot of them!

  2. Celeste avatar

    I am very familiar with said azure tortoise shell… pure jealousy.

  3. Markatansky avatar

    I’d love to get Blur, but I don’t have the monies. :<

  4. Jonny/IV DemonJ avatar
    Jonny/IV DemonJ

    Shocking story Tony. I was no where near the scene of the crime.

  5. Duncan avatar

    This was awesome. 😀

    Got to play some more Blur…

Leave a Reply