When Game Titles Attack! – Part Three

(Previously on When Game Titles Attack!…)

I was speeding along in my pink ‘Fiat Panda’ as I was trying to race the Aliens to the Tesco Express but things don’t go according to plan.

A small and rather messy accident occurs involving a rocket, an ‘Army of Two’ car ‘Speed Freaks’ and a tub of Cart d’or. I wish I had a ‘Roll Cage’…

“‘Ehr, geiz’, come over here!”

“Eek! Okay please don’t ‘Doki Doki Panic’, so this may have been a ‘Felony 11-79’ but I’m not a ‘Choplifter’! And I really didn’t mean to destroy ‘Chips, Challenge’ Anneka DVDs, flatten ‘Yoshi’s Cookie’, smash the ‘Super Foul Egg’ and ‘Knockout Kings’ and tip over those ‘Columns’ of ‘Lego Star Wars’ toys next to ‘Corridor 7’, I was just a little bit ‘Dizzy’ so blame ‘E.T’ spinning over there!!”

“Oh.” said the Alien, “And your buy one get one free poster, maybe you could use a ‘Tak 2’ put it back up.”

“Where’s ‘Zack and Wiki’ gone?” shouts Tesco express Assistant Manager Dave, “There’s a major ice cream spillage due to blummin’ ‘Mork and Mindy’ over there, you will find it on ‘Aisle Lord’ 3, section D.”

“It’s alright Dave!” shouts a supervisor, “Wiki is on his ‘Chaos Break’ and ‘Zaxxon 3D’ already with his mop and bucket. He is trained for an ‘AisleRiot‘“.

“Hey Girl?” said the Alien Taxi freak, “You did too good, you’re ‘WizKid’, I like your ‘Smooth Moves’, do you know ‘Kung Fu Kid’? But what I like more, is the ‘Cortex Command’ given to these minions on this ‘Inhabited Island. Earthling’ Dave has a ‘Stronghold’ over his troops, he deserves a ‘Medal of Honor’… top notch bloke!”

“Well,” said Dave, “we do have a ‘LMA Manager’ job available if you feel the ‘Call of Duty’? You would have ‘Command & Conquer’ over the whole of this Tesco Express.

“Yes, that’s great” I said, “Give this ‘Alien Syndrom’ a job, and a ‘Championship Manager’ job too!”

There is no way he would ever think that by using this ‘Power Shovel’ he could start a supermarket ‘GRAW: Advanced Warfare’ between Tesco and Asda, and slowly take over the ‘Sim City’, with the Tesco locals and expresses and even becoming a ‘Mall Tycoon’, then maybe plant mind ‘Star Control’ devices in the fish fingers and with some ‘Brain Training’ could have total ‘Baja:Edge of Control’ over the whole South East in a matter of months…

I was having a ‘Bad Day LA‘… I’m obviously no ‘Metropolis Street Racer’ so I needed to be a ‘HeadHunter’ and ‘Bang Attack’ the Aliens until they ‘Pop, ‘n Music’ – that’ll make it a little bit more of an ‘Ace Combat’… one of the Aliens started to ‘Dance:UK’.

(Oh eck! I didn’t know the ‘Music’ this ‘Alien Breed’ liked was ‘Girls Aloud’.)

“Something kinda oooh.
Makes my heart go ‘Boom Boom… Rocket’ launchers at the ready!”

(Shouted a choir of delighted space minions)

‘Something inside of me, is wanting ‘your’ ‘Final DooO-om’!

(Gosh, I wish I had ‘Rocket Power’ and could ‘DragonStrike’ their ‘Chu Chu Rockets’.)

“Oooh well, when tomorrow ‘X Com’es, maybe I won’t even know your ‘NAM’!”
My ‘Homeworld’ is good
I will ‘Shoot-er:Space Shot’, but I might never beat you,
Never see you again…”

“Look woman!” Said the Alien Taxi driver…

…”If your gonna put a ‘Lineage’ on me, mo fo!,
Wait ’till you see my ‘Ultimate Band’, play, foe sho!,
If you want hands ‘Oni’ me, we will ‘Digger’ you uuUUuup!!”

The rest of the Alien’s choir minions start to sing…

…”Can’t dance, no ‘Pain’, no gain, no ‘Sho-gun’.
‘Jumping Flash’ to the beat, all night, don’t ‘Pac ‘n Roll’.
If you wanna handle us, you’ve got to keep uuUUuup…”

(This is where I start to think I may have ‘Lost Kingdoms’… and the plot…)

“Oh ‘Astro Boy’, I can’t tell you how sad I feel…” (‘Chocobo Stallion’ would move faster than this piece-a pink s**t.)
“This ‘MadWorld’ is just another kink in your ‘Steel...” (Battalion’ is what I really need to sort all of this!)

“Should’ve known where the ‘Mega Man’ was at,
Should’ve known he was gunna take me,
Should’ve recognized the plan ‘A-10 Attack’ when he turned and he called an ‘Earth Siege’.”

Should’a known where the Tesco’s was at,
So I could get a Doughnut from the bakery,
Should’a come with an AA Road map so I know where the ‘Road Rash’ will take me…”

Something kinda ooooh,

Makes my heart go BOOOOOM!