Money has been tight recently at Ready Up Towers, ever since Susan accidentally over-ordered on wool and our halls are now filled with fwuffy woollen creatures that are just so damn fwuffy that it makes us all constantly cry tears of fwuffy joy. That’s causing a lot of damp, which has led to subsidence. As such, Ready Up Towers now slope at 45 degrees. Michael and Johnny went off to the Nether to get some lava and some Zombie Pigmen to help whilst the rest of us just do kickflips and grinding and other word stuff off of the new angles and ramps created. It’s pleasingly edgy and street, but sadly we’re spending all our money on decks and beanies.
Happily though, I recently decoded the navigation structure of the Xbox 360 Dashboard and found a hidden section. Games On Demand, they call it. Using it, you can apparently download Xbox 360 games, and some HD remakes of older games that developers burped out for the fun of it, direct to your hard drive. The key benefit of Games On Demand is that you don’t have to get up off of your sofa/emerge from your Jacuzzi/climb down from your Utahraptor mount to change game disks when you get bored of Tony and Anthony running you over in their APC in Battlefield 3 and want to play Halo 3: ODST instead because it’s just as fun, and Battlefield is stupid anyway, and there’s wool in your eyes and also some wool stuck in your throat because you got hungry and ate all of the wool apart from the wool that is still in your eyes. Wool.
So, I’m passing the savings on to you, our seedy clientele, because I’m a pretty neat guy once you get to know me. Here are the best five bargains I could find.
5. Call of Duty: Black Ops – £44.99
This game has only been out 20 months, and the price on Games On Demand has gone down a massive £5 from the original RRP. That’s an astonishing saving – for only a little more than the price of a new game, you could have this old game. What are you waiting for? Go and buy this so that you can be cool again, like when you done all them drugs and you had to remove and eat part of your brain because it turned into a small pear.
4. Jonah Lomu Rugby Challenge – £39.99
Like rugby? Like money? Well, now you can finally have both. A massive saving of £0 could be yours if you buy Jonah Lomu Rugby Challenge from Games On Demand, and are comfortable with what that decision will tell people about you.
3. Mortal Kombat – £44.99
Fallen over in the shower in the last 30 minutes and can’t remember your name? Suffered an untreated serious head injury by some other means? Then this could be the deal for you. Mortal Kombat is available for £20 new from most retailers these days, so that means that Games On Demand could save you negative £24.99 right now, if you can hold the spongy, functional parts of your brain inside your smashed cranium long enough to click the “Purchase” button.
2. Dirt 2 – £24.99
Some people enjoy playing racing games from 2009. Some people like dangling their genitalia in a blender whilst playing bongos they’ve placed next to the blender switch. Which are you? The latter is the level of crazy we’re talking if you don’t bite Games On Demand’s hand off at this deal. Some mugs would buy this in any high street games store for £5-10 second-hand, but mark my words, the old saying applies: Check their groins and you’ll find shredded bits. Check their hands and you’ll see bongo dust a-glistenin’.
1. FIFA 12 – £49.99
Wait a second. £49.99 is considerably more than the game was when it came out 10 months ago. This is the one Games On Demand deal that I’m not sure about. The rest are airtight.
You can follow Simon (@MrCuddleswick) on Twitter here and also slowly by car if you want.
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