Games always get the blame. They are of course the source of all evil, the seed that implants in the otherwise harmless child’s head right before he massacres a school. No hang on I am being unfair now, I’m pretty sure ‘rock’ music got the blame for that one.
So what happens when you amalgamate the two? No, I am not talking about the child and the evil seed, no no, I mean the two most potent powers of evil: Games and rock. Oh yes, the two purest forms of nasty. A sauce so strong it is sure to create bitter twisted swine flu carrying zombie lambs out of the cutest and most innocent of all fluffy things. Well I can tell you what happens, I can tell you because I have been down that road.
I harmlessly bought Guitar Hero Metallica last month. No crime there I’m sure you will agree. I then started to play said game, still no problem. I then realised that I hate Guitar Hero and always have because I am awful at it. So I tried one of the other options available to me. I got myself a mic and attempted the vocals… we are now verging on a crime.
Of course any game that involves large plastic props lends itself nicely to having friends over, so I invited people. My friends came and they played bass and guitar while I ‘sang’. It was good, we were happy.
Sadly not everyone was happy, the evil began to spawn in my flat and it seeped through the floor… It seems that downstairs were beginning to hate ‘Sanatarium’. They were probably beginning to foster the thought that I was not such a nice tenant after all and that maybe I was someone that they should not have smiled at in the hallway or lent half a cup of sugar to.
So finally it all came to a head. I had some friends over and we were watching a movie. It was about 12:30 when the final credits kicked in and the soundtrack notched up a level. This was clearly the final straw and the little flat shook as downstairs banged on my door. I opened it to the sound of: ‘All this ****ing Guitar Hero, it’s just too ****ing much, turn it off!’
It was hard to take, my lips began to form the sentence: ‘you fool we are watching Lost Boys as homage to the mini vampire season we are having. If you can’t tell the difference between credits and Guitar Hero maybe I should just give you an all night lesson on how to distinguish the two.’
But I didn’t say it. I had not let the evil get me. I was very refrained, very civilised and I let the game take all the blame.
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