PSP: Stay or Go?

The PSP is a wily fox. She had a glittering first night. People came from far and wide to welcome her to the stage, marvel at her powerful performance and gaze longingly at her unrivalled beauty. Ticket sales were initially promising, and for a moment it looked like Dame DS, still breathless from a sell-out run on Broadway, was in danger of having her spotlight stolen by a rival starlet. Lady PSP was linked to high profile projects and lucrative franchises, and studios were eager to capitalise on her strong features and ability to connect with audiences the world over.

Despite appealing to different demographics, both managed to hold their own in the popularity stakes. Dame DS was loved by the kids and those seeking an easy escape from the monotony of everyday life, while Lady PSP tried to engage the hardcore crowd. Although the grope-friendly Dame consistently came out on top in the polls, it was fairly level pegging for a while. But this is a cruel and fickle world in which we live, one where money talks and size matters. Suddenly Dame DS emerges from the wings having re-applied her make-up and dropped two dress sizes. The crowd goes wild and tickets sell out in a nanosecond. Meanwhile, the Lady is deemed an unsightly, cumbersome has-been with only a few decent shows to her name. Ticket sales stutter, and she is forced to put on a white frock and star in re-makes of established classics to fund her baffling obsession with obsolete media formats.

Still, the battle is far from over. Lady PSP chokes back the tears, picks up the phone and makes a call to the liposuction clinic. Before we know it she’s back, slimmer, lite-er and ready for the second act. Her new show casts her in the role of a Monster Hunter and is a runaway success in Japan. While Dame DS continues to charm the public with her trained brain and good relationship with dogs, the gulf of adoration that has grown between our two leading ladies begins to close up. Both continue to make minor cosmetic changes in a bid to out-do the other, but it gradually becomes clear that the Dame has accumulated double the global fan-base of her plucky nemesis. This is a mountain that will take more than one stellar performance to climb effectively. Some would say that the time has come for the Lady to graciously accept defeat, take one last bow and start looking for bit parts in daytime soap operas.

But this Lady don’t go down so easy. In a transformation that would make Optimus Prime’s ocular units pop out of their metallic cubby holes she revealed her new look to the world earlier this month. Further weight loss, a sleek, minimalistic outfit and a coquettish refusal to show us her buttons make this the most drastic reinvention of her career thus far. Question is, will this be enough to convince the public of her leading lady potential? Or will she have to settle for the Best Supporting Actress award? Box-office interest for the comeback performance has been lacklustre, some citing the dramatic increase in admission fees as a deal breaker for new fans and core supporters alike. One thing’s for sure though: the gloves are off, the claws are out and the fight for top spot is Go.