It’s time to make games and chew bubblegum, but my development studio was shut down due to lack of funding.
Duke Nukem 3D was the very first game I attached the phrase “favourite game” to; an ass-kicking protagonist, bucket-loads of violence and some naughty bits I wouldn’t let my parents see. With his effortless one-liners and grizzly exterior, he charged through to defeat an alien invasion with little more than a blood-red vest, pitch-black shades and his unfaltering machismo.
A hilarious parody of Rambo-esque, patriotic ass kickers, we waited with baited breath for the eventual sequel after it was announced in April 1997. And then we waited… and we waited. Eight years old and far too young for the age certification on the box, it never occurred to me that I would be the butt of a massive internet joke.
Duke had become the poster-boy for vapourware, broken promises and unfinished business, some still believed (because apparently, you should “Always Bet on Duke”) and others gave up hope. Some laughed at the absurdity of a 12 year development schedule and others held on to every scrap of information they were presented.
On May 6th, 2009, 3D Realms was yet another casualty of the recession and shut its doors, effectively killing Duke Nukem Forever.
But what would the cancelled game have been, anyway? Duke Nukem was a product of the 90s; with a flat top haircut, fingerless gloves and bulky sunglasses, Duke ripped off Bruce Campbell’s lines while talking about bubblegum, all to a Megadeth theme tune; he’d be as hip and relevant as Fido Dido or The Kool-Aid Man.
Duke took the patriotic ass kickers and one-liner spewing body builders of the movies and stretched the stereotype to breaking point for comedic effect. But in the 21st century we don’t have those super heroes anymore, so would kids get the joke? In the 2007 teaser trailer a square-headed dude pumps iron between clips of Todd McFarlane monsters, blows smoke at the screen and the American flag appears; without context, it’s embarrassing.
Besides, with 12 years of development on its shoulders, Duke would have hit retail with more hype than Grand Theft Killzone. It’s a recipe for disaster and no game could have lived up to the gargantuan event of Duke Nukem Forever’s actual release.
Everyone was so enthralled with the jokes and the rollercoaster ride that was Forever’s development that nobody stood back a few feet and asked “Would it have been worth the wait?”
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