I played Max Payne 3 on hard for my first playthrough because I’m the winningest guy you know. Throughout, Max Payne died a lot because I actually don’t win much for such a winningy guy. I took time out from my busy schedule of getting Max Payne killed to compile detailed statistics on how exactly Max Payne was getting killed. I lied about the “detailed” part. I also lied about the “statistics” part.
4) Accidentally diving into unfortunate physics accidents
When the first Max Payne games were released, physics were less of a thing. Now that the metaphorical apple has dropped onto the games industry’s heads, along with a gravity-gunned toilet, they’re totally a thing. So, when you engage shootdodge by leaping, your shootdodging is often interrupted by Max piling his face into whatever object you accidentally launched his face at. I even once managed to shootdodge off the side of a building, in slow motion, helplessly firing at my enemies, who are presumably laughing uncontrollably, in slow motion, at the sight of Max Payne hurtling helplessly towards the twinkling streets below.
3) Blokes who charge at Max with shotguns
Max Payne 3 isn’t all about shootdodging into scenery, though. As is now the norm in third-person shooters, Max spends the majority of his firefights cowering bravely behind the nearest cover. Max can chill out there until the shootdodge meter fills back up, use it to pop out and kill as many enemies as he can in glorious slow-mo, then get back into cover until the meter fills up again. Or, rather, you could do that if there wasn’t permanently a crazy enemy charging at Max with a shotgun. Yes, the enemies in Max Payne 3 actually get bored and rush Max if he constantly sits behind cover. I like to think that they’re Max Payne purists, narked that Max isn’t incessantly launching himself at them with dual pistols in slow motion. Those guys will mess you up on hard. Mess you up hard. On hard.
2) Engaging shootdodge then spending 95% of the available time missing the head of one enemy
Max Payne 3 still has that Max Payne magic. Flinging Max towards his foes in slow motion, a hail of individually-modelled bullets cutting trails through the air and peoples’ faces, is the blast it always was. Sadly, one particular habit of mine remains. Once every now and then, I’ll engage a full shootdodge meter, having Max leap towards several enemies and then I’ll proceed to use almost the entire meter trying to shoot the head of the first enemy. It’s never all the meter. Oh no. After giving up on the slippery-headed first guy, there’s always just enough time left to move the aiming reticule directly over the head of the next enemy before the meter runs out and Max suddenly finds himself lying on the ground in front of the enemies he should have killed. Would have killed, if I wasn’t controlling him.
1) Getting up more slowly than you can possibly imagine
Max Payne was lying on the floor for at least 60% of my playthrough of Max Payne 3. Mainly because I was too scared to stand him up. You see, Max Payne gets up more slowly than any game character I can think of. I get that he’s supposed to be an aging alcoholic addicted to painkillers, with motivational problems, but for crying out loud he stands up like he’s just broken his hip falling out of a stairlift into a swamp made of treacle, and doesn’t have any arms. There’s a useful mechanic in Max Payne 3 where, if you lose all your health but have a spare painkiller in your inventory, Max can get his health back by quickly killing the enemy that got the last shot in. Without fail, he dives through the air to achieve this, and so he commonly ends up with a full health bar, lying down behind some waist-high cover. He’ll then lose a good half of your health standing back up, enemies peppering his lazy hide like, er, pepper on a steak.
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