You’ve Played Too Many Games If…

…You hold your breath when taking a sniper shot.

We all know how to shoot a sniper rifle. Actually, we could all be fairly successful with a chocolate-box like assortment of weaponry, or so we like to think. We can easily discuss the pros and cons of one pistol over another. Years and years of playing shooters have, however, left me unable to fire a gun in game without reacting in real life. This became obvious as I sniped my way through Deus Ex recently. Steady breaths, then hold your breath and squeeze the trigger. I wouldn’t mind if it was a conscious choice, but I’m a little concerned that I may be a sleeper agent.

…You see air vents as an acceptable form of travel.

Where would the video game be without the air vent? They’re everywhere and they’re crucial. But you can only see so many without wanting to see where they lead in real life. Of course, it’s not just air vents. The whole world is really one big video game level. Who hasn’t seen a Mirror’s Edge route in a town? Or seen a barrel crying out to be shot? Sure, you could try that roll from Burnout, but at the end of the day, it’s probably best left in the gaming world. No matter how strong the urges.

…You dream in video game format.

It’s all well and good spending your waking hours in a pixelated paradise, but how many of us can’t escape when we sleep. Some people may be skipping through meadows or stroking kittens (at least I assume this is how non-gamers dream), but whilst I slumber I’m busy levelling up. Cameos from games characters are fairly standard, but some of my dreams even feature a retry mission option. Reload the dream with the new knowledge and change your tactics. Success will come every time… as long as you have the right spell available.

…You don’t read manuals for the new *insert appliance here* because you’re sure all you need to do is ‘Press interact’.

We know how it works. You get some staggeringly complicated piece of equipment with functions you’ve never seen before. Your other half starts thumbing through the manual. You rip it out of their hands, say it’s not necessary and cautiously approach. You wait for the button prompt to “use” the item. It’s not there, this is the real world. Dammit, oh, hang on, there’s a button that kinda looks like an x. That’s the one. Problem solved. Of course the alternative is  that your ninja/shooting/stealth/RPG skills mean you don’t need a manual anyway, because you’re already an expert. Hell, if you can hack any computer, disable any alarm and run your own farm then this new dishwasher?! It’s a breeze.

…You can instantly remember at least one gaming related injury. And no, it didn’t involve a Wii.

It’s all very well publicised that n00bs out there are injuring themselves with motion controllers, but there is another type of gaming injury. The hardcore and/or veteran gamers will know exactly what I’m talking about. Whether it’s shoulders, knees or backs done in from posture held for hours on end (ask Kirsten for details), sprained wrists or dislocated thumbs, there’s an unhealthy portion of gamers who will recollect some real life pain from their digital exploits. Me, personally? I’ve dislocated a thumb with Dead Or Alive, strained a finger on numerous occasions, I have a callous on the palm of my hand from my marathon weekend of Tony Hawk‘s, and don’t get me started on the blisters! The way I see it, you can’t save the world as many times as I have and not pick up a few battle scars.