Memoirs Of A Gamer 3: The Simple Life

Although my previous two Memoirs of a Gamer blogs have been filled with fervour, excitement, and excruciating frustration, none of the experiences described within those pages come close to the experience this one relays.

But before I expose the source of that emotional flux, bear in mind that I am a hardcore gamer, and by that I mean gaming is a fundamental part of my life. I spend more time gaming than I do indulging in any other recreational pursuit, I like my games to challenge me, and I like games that force me to invest myself. I hope you can bear that in mind and thereby retain some respect for me when I tell you that I have spent more time interacting with Sims over the past two weeks than I have doing anything else. That includes eating, sleeping, and doing toilet. I haven’t had time for such activities, what with all the eating, sleeping and doing toilet that must be done in The Sims 3.

While I was playing the game, I realised why its market is primarily female. I’d like to tell you that it’s because women appreciate the beauty of emergent stories better than men do, but I’d be lying. The reason is that all Sims games are virtual dolls houses, and The Sims 3, even with its expansive locales and exhaustive Sim traits, is no exception.

I’ve played both of the previous Sims games, but I didn’t even come close to enjoying them like I’m enjoying The Sims 3. There are two main reasons. Firstly, I made the shit-hottest Sims house you’ll ever see in your life. It had doors, windows… the lot. I’m most proud of the front room, with its spacious layout but cosy character, and the garden that boasts different shades of grass and beautiful flowers which offset a good-sized swimming pool.

The second thing I love about playing The Sims 3 is family-making. At 30 years of age, being very much in love with my boyfriend, I would love nothing more than to make babies. I want to make lots of little Joeys and Celestes, but despite my persistent whines and moans I have to accept that the time simply isn’t right. But in The Sims 3, if your boyfriend tells you the time isn’t right you can simply knock him up an exquisite lobster surprise and he’ll knock you up in return.

What was even more beautiful was that, displeased with never getting to see me, my real-life boyfriend got involved! After protesting many times about my sim kissing men who weren’t the sim incarnation of him (as my sim was of me), he demanded I insert him into my game. So we spent time creating a Joey sim and he and my sim were married not long after. The ceremony was delightful. Sophisticated yet intimate. The pair quickly settled into married life, delighted with their newfound love and commitment… and oh how they made babies.

They had twins. One looked like Joe’s sim and the other looked like mine. We raised them responsibly and as a result were able to mould them into the sim children that we had always dreamed of since first installing the game.

All of a sudden my sim found herself as a wife, a mother, and a professional, giving so much of her time to so many other people. It was tough, but rewarding, and before I knew it I was playing on the game from morning until morning, doing nothing but, even when it came time to learn my lines for a radio show I was featuring on!

The Sims games are so much more than Ikea-shopping simulations. They’re storytelling engines, and I’ve not had this much fun since my Barbie got together with Ken. So I’m off to kick ass and change nappies.