Control Freak

So I got myself the Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix beta last week, via the rather neat top-down blaster Wolf of the Battlefield: Commando 3. It’s a simple online beta; choose either Ken or Ryu and slug it out on a single stage against other players over Live. It’s got a nice graphical style and a killer remixed soundtrack from the very talented guys and gals at OverClocked ReMix.

Excitedly, I fired it up and started taking on chumps, however, my excitement was pretty short-lived. See, the game itself is brilliant and I honestly can’t wait for the full release in September, but my word! – The 360’s d-pad and analogue sticks are not a good fit for 2D scrappers. In my excitement over the beta, I forgot the similar woes I had with Fatal Fury Special, which i also downloaded off XBLA.

Pulling of a Hadoken is fine now after a bit of adjustment (and much swearing), I’ve gotten over that, but as my favourite character is Ken, I need to be able to pull of Shoryukens easily, which is absolutely infuriating here. There’s nothing worse than losing to the very cheap ‘high-kick, low-kick’ combo used by the cheesemongers out there, just because you were rolling the analogue stick like crazy trying to pull of the one crucial move that would have cemented victory.

This got me thinking about other control woes gaming has seen over the years and so, I’ve complied a little list of controller mishaps you may or may not have come across yourself…

Wii Woes – Picture the scene: You waited months, I mean frickin’ months in line at your local game store to get your anxious mitts on a Wii, only to take it home in a blind rush, tear open the shiny white packaging and hook the bugger up. You tantalisingly press the power button and in a blase of glory the dashboard fades into view…

Then nothing, no cursor, no response. What happened!? Surely I, a gamer who knows everything about consoles should be able to hook up and play a mere console without so much as a glance at the user manual?Noooo!

The nightmare of parents everywhere on christmas day

Just to clarify, I’m not talking as me here. I’m talking about the hundred or so customers who bought the console while I worked in games retail, took the machine home, only to return, absolutely raging because I had apparently sold them a duff machine.

‘Did you calibrate the Wiimote?’


‘Well then…”

Ruddy Hell! What? Six Buttons!? – This next one did happen to me and I’m hoping some readers can relate so I don’t feel stupid. I remember when I was a bit younger rushing out to buy several new Mega Drive games with my pocket money. Mortal Kombat 3 was one of them (WITH parental consent I may add!). What I didn’t realise in my niavity was that it needed a six-button joypad to play properly – oh the upset that cause in my house that day :/

Simply comprehending that a controller could have so many buttons back then was dangerous thinking! Serves me right for not looking at the back of the box properly.

Good Vibrations? – A Sony console featuring joypads without a rumble feature? If that happens I’ll eat my ha- oh wait….

Stare at it all you want buddy, that thing aint moving on its own!

Anyone else got any controller woes they can think of? – A crap design, had your batteries run out at a crucial moment? Let’s have it! ๐Ÿ˜€


19 responses to “Control Freak”

  1. Zanveth avatar

    On the N64 controllers…the analog stick would get the white powder around its base after a lot of use, must have made at least a dozen parents question what their kids are ‘really’ getting up to while gaming.

    360 controllers bounce well…very well, not that I’d launch mine after a frustrating game of Halo 3 or anything…*cough* Although I suppose that would constitute as a good design and not a flaw.

    Nes [Zapper] – Why didn’t it work on the dog? Sure it’s perhaps not the controllers fault, but back then (I was only 4-5) I was positive that the Zapper was in a conspiracy against me.

    Gamecube controller, has to be worse designed controller over last few generations.

  2. Emily avatar

    Crikey, I just remembered what has to be the most pointless controller in history. I bought it for my PS1, and it was called a “slow motion” controller.

    It was unplayable. To create the effect of slow motion in a game, you’d press a button which would have the games pause screen constantly flickering on and off. That was “slow motion”. Ugh.

    Oh, and agree with the above. The GC controller is awful, it feels like a totally random assortment buttons.

  3. Laura avatar

    This thing was a bit of a waste of money and space

    All wrong! Very unresponsive and clunky. BOO!

    The batteries in my 360 controller always seem to die in the middle of a match halfway through a kill ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Tony avatar

    Let’s see, controller irritants.

    The 360 controllers “disco” irritates the crap out of me when the battery is going flat. Who thought that was a good idea? “WARNING! YOUR BATTERY IS LOW! I’LL JUST KEEP USING IT UP WITH THIS DISCO EFFECT!”
    Also, I’ve found that I can’t hold the 360 controller in the proper position for GTA (ie. fingers on LB, RB and the triggers all at once) because the end of my LB/RB fingers are resting on the battery pack.

    Personally I always loved the Dualshock design, and now I have an imported one with the rumble back on it and wireless for my PS3, it’s my favourite controller.

  5. Dave avatar

    Zanveth, I always wanted to wipe the smirk off the Duck Hunt dog’s face whenever I failed a round, but it was a luxury we were not afforded ๐Ÿ™

    Arcade sticks are a really specialist controller I think, only for the die hard fighter fans as far as I can tell. I wouldn’t get one I don’t think although my old work had a really neat Streetfighter Alpha branded one – that actually looked really cool.

    Tony, that disco ball thing is a pain, it’s like – ‘I know, I know! Stop it!’

    And Emily, those slow mo buttons are awful aren’t they? Such a cheap gimmick. it’s even worse when the game plays a jingle when you pause. You end up with some mad rave tune when you enter slow mo.

    Keep em coming ๐Ÿ˜€

  6. Chris avatar

    Well the 360 controller disco lights usually come on a half-charge, so even if you do see them it means you still have a bit to go yey before it dies on you. I found using the rechargable batteries I got for the Premium in white suddenly went through juice alot quicker when I got an Elite and used them in that. Dont know if there is a difference in the amount of power the Elite controller takes, but I find I have to charge it again for almost every nights worth of gaming. Also, a small hint here, plug your controller with the play and charge kit attached to a USB port on your PC and it’ll charge much quicker ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. Kirsten avatar

    I’ve got the ceramic white Duel Shock 3 for the PS3 and it’s absolutely brilliant. It makes me want to play my PS3 and sometimes that’s quite a feat!

  8. Michael avatar

    I’m sorry but I thought the Gamecube controller was fine… apart from using the C-Stick for picking locks on Splinter Cell. That took me a bit of getting used to.

    Now the chunky (aka Duke) controller for the Xbox that was rubbish! Especially when you consider the DualShock one from the same generation and the refined controller S which MS brought out later down the line.

    I heard the Duke controller was released everywhere but Japan… because the Americans and us Europeans all have massive hands apparently!

  9. Dave avatar

    White ceramic PS3 pad, that sounds pretty tasty. Is it the ceramic console too?

    Aye, the Gamecube pad is fine, itโ€™s my weapon of choice for Smash Bros. Brawl, wouldnโ€™t play it any other way. My mate has a Wavebird. He refuses to play me at that game without it (heโ€™s like, a Smash Bros. ninja, far too good at it!).

    Anyone remember the Namco Jog-con? What a weird idea?

  10. Kirsten avatar

    Unfortunately not although the white PS3 is absolutely beautiful. I’d want a European one anyway as I use the blu-ray feature on the PS3 quite a lot and blu-ray’s are region locked. I’d only consider trading in the black one for it though. I really don’t need two PS3s. It’s a great controller though – all heavy and vibratey.

  11. Dave avatar

    Are PS3 games region-free? Wow, I had no idea. Sounds tempting for when Final Fantasy XIII comes out in the states. Donโ€™t want to wait the extra 10 months before it comes out in PAL-land

  12. Michael avatar

    The Namco Jog-Con? *goes and checks* Jesus, that looks HORRIBLE! And it makes me think of jog on…

  13. Dave avatar

    Terrible innit? I think the idea is you steer with the while while holding down acceleration and brake buttons. It looks like it would cause you one hell of a cramp :/

    Want more Namco badness? Check the Neg-Con โ€“ gruesome!

  14. Michael avatar

    Hmm, should I? My eyes are still hurting from that last monstrosity… This blog proves that people like the opportunity for a good whinge! :p

  15. Dave avatar

    Whinging is our given-right as gamers and journalists ๐Ÿ˜›

    You’re okay though, NegCon looks awful, but apparantly plays like a dream.

  16. Kirsten avatar

    Actually Square have a new policy of doing worldwide simultaneous release now so fingers crossed for FFXIII.

  17. Dave avatar

    Kirsten my friend, that may have just made not just my day, but my year ๐Ÿ™‚ I wasn’t aware of that.

    <—–certified Final Fantasy nut in the hizzhouse!

  18. Dave avatar

    …so much so that my grammar just went out the window…

  19. Emily avatar

    Kirsten- I’ve got a ceramic white PS3 + controller. It looks stunning. I dust it every day, cuddle it before night etc..

    It may be Japanese, and we may speak different languages, but I do love it so.

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