Cute Chronicles – Impossible Feat

Su-per frustrating gaming oh no time!

Everyone has a genre they are just no good at. Don’t deny it, everyone has a weakness. What’s yours? Mine is strategy games, and my latest example of utter defeat is Fire Emblem: Awakening.

It wasn’t the lack of feet that made me stop playing Fire Emblem. The little stumps on the end of their legs… No, wait, that doesn’t sound right. Those thing dainty footsies are actually pretty cute, almost like plushies or dolls. What has made me swap Fire Emblem, a game with a definite ending, for Animal Crossing, a game which has pretty much locked me into a lifelong commitment is the crushing sense of responsibility. I’m just… Not a good strategist. I can’t handle the pressure.

Ok… So you go over there, and you go over there, you wait over there and you go over there. Press the go button and then watch as it becomes painfully apparent that I’ve made a grave miscalculation and sent a Pegasus Knight within range of archers, to her certain doom. Oh let’s send Frederick ahead! Oops, because I haven’t spent enough time levelling everyone fairly, everybody else is getting killed in one hit. Isn’t even distribution of exp opportunities Pokmon 101? I should know this.

It becomes painfully apparent that I’ve made a grave miscalculation and sent a Pegasus Knight within range of archers, to her certain doom.

What really bothered me as well is how everyone kept complimenting my character on her excellent battle strategies, or looking to her for help with their next move. Um, guys, hate to break it to you but you probably shouldn’t rely on me. You don’t really want to know how many times I’ve reset because we’ve been hideously slaughtered. Yes, I know there’s the option for ‘no perma-death’, but I don’t want any of them to die, ever. Ever, ever, ever.

I want to be good at strategy games, I really do. I want to see how this story unfolds and how the relationships build between my characters (Chrom and my character totally have a thing going on). I want to be able to confidently send my troops all over the map and win a flawless victory. When I have won battles, it’s been an incredible struggle but the payoff has been immense. Even so, I’m not sure I can handle the stress anymore – sitting there chewing my stylus pondering a move only to have it end in the loss of a precious unit. The worst thing is knowing that the game is beautiful, rich and rewarding but everything is out of reach. Similar things have happened to me in the past with games like Dead Space (too scary), Star Ocean (too complicated), Half Life 2 (motion sickness) but somehow, Fire Emblem is the worst because of those dinky, doll-like feet, taunting with their cuteness and lulling you into thinking that somehow, it’s going to be easy when it isn’t. Is there a difficulty curve I should know about? Does it get better? Sob.

On the plus side, my character in Animal Crossing has a golden watering can for maintaining Perfect Town status for over two weeks. At least I’m good at something!