Press SeX to Continue – Swimsuit Edition (NSFW)

Welcome to the kinky corner of Ready Up. Here we can relish in the naked form, both male and female, and what better person to guide you than me. Zoey at your service, your resident sexpert both in and out of the virtual world. The UK is currently divided into two groups – those who are still being slowly cooked alive (don’t forget to baste once an hour), and those lamenting the end of the sunshine as the rain pours and pours. There is one thing, however, that can potentially make either group feel a bit more cheery – big-breasted women in very little clothing (Okay, it’s just too hot to think anything but sexy thoughts so a pointless smut-fest seemed the way to go).

frankly it just wouldn’t be right to leave Lara out of this issue.

Little argument can be held over the queen of the virtual bikini; it’s got to be Lara Croft. That athletic body clearly keeps her body temp sky-high as you can happily make her traverse any map from a jungle to a snowy wilderness in a variety of bikinis. I remember the first poster of a bikini-clad Lara being stuck on my bedroom wall, and I’d still kill to look that good in that little. With a vast wardrobe of swimwear options spanning various trends over the years there’s bound to be something that tickles your fancy, and frankly it just wouldn’t be right to leave her out of this issue.

All hail the bikini queen!

Fighting games have always provided a shed-load of talent in both genders and whilst I could just fill this issue with countless shots from Soul Cal, Virtua Fighter and DOA that’s at least a few issues of material I’d be throwing away so I’ll merely throw in a reason to spend your hard-earned cash on the DLC for Soul Calibur 5. After all, what’s better than one bikini clad woman? Two of them fighting to the death… ok to the KO, but still… hot! I just wonder what happens when you break the armour… guessing that’s a version that only went to Japan. They get all the best stuff, dammit!

Because two is almost always better than one.

Get over it and start making lingerie DLC already!

What can you possibly do to make a zombie fighting cheerleader with a chainsaw even better? Why, it’s obvious! Burn all those far too modest cheer-leading uniforms leaving only the wardrobe options as nude or bikini. Considering how much of a fuss Juliet Starling makes if you attempt to get an upskirt pantie shot she’s very open to running around in beachwear. A clear example of the public hypocrisy when it comes to labelling things – underwear is a strict no-no but itsy bitsy bikinis are just fine. Get over it and start making lingerie DLC already! What do you mean that’s unacceptably pervy? Sigh.

metroid04bAt times like these it’s a good idea to take a moment and look back to where it all started. We would never have had any of these beauties gracing our screens were it not for one special lady: Samus Aran. Sure it took a lot of work to finally see her in a bikini (speedrun in Metroid to get the one piece, then speedrun in that to get the bikini) but the shock and how naughty it made you feel as a child made it completely worth your while. She may not be pixel perfect but she is the original video game girl pinup.

Join me next time as we continue our journey into the world where sex and video games collide. And remember: it’s not demeaning or empowering, it’s just hot.

 

Kinky Character #018: Master Chief

Kinky Facts: Master Chief is one of the most iconic figures from recent generations of gaming, and there are many who love this gun-toting hero. Athletic, smart, a survivor who doesn’t always follow orders; there are many ways to descibe the mysterious yet instantly recognisable character. Underneath that helmet could be your ideal man. Whether that’s Brad Pitt, Justin Timberlake, or Colin Kaepernick, I guarantee that’s what he looks like underneath. To me he is Jared Leto, Ian Somerhalder, and Khal Drogo all rolled in to one, and as such would do unspeakable things in bed. Things I can’t even imagine. Excuse me whilst I drool…

 


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