The FIFA series is EA’s ongoing attempt to render the beautiful game in game form. No, not naked Jenga with The Saturdays – the other beautiful game. Football. Sad thing about it is, football is getting kinda boring. There’s only so many times you can sit and watch staid old moneybags like Chelsea and Manchester United relentlessly amble to trophy after trophy, or see unimaginative millionaire managers whinge incessantly and shamelessly about refereeing decisions until their puce faces turn blue.
To spice things up, EA have been throwing trendy music at FIFA, along with most of their other sports titles, for years now. Each year they pick out songs to play in the menu screens and do a pretty good job at this in general, which is nice of them. In fact, it’s not at all uncommon to find that they’ve cherry-picked a track which later becomes a big hit once people who don’t spend all their money on FIFA Ultimate Team player packs actually start to hear it on the radio, sometimes a good few months down the line.
Some of us, who appreciate the finer things in life (like strip clubs in Birmingham), go straight to the music section the first time they boot up a new FIFA just to see what we’ll all be listening to in six months time.
To back up the outlandish and hurtful claims that I’ve just made on this subject, here are some examples.
4. The Temper Trap – Science of Fear (FIFA 10)
[youtube width=”560″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1vkXxn65ec[/youtube]
The Temper Trap were a pretty big deal at some point in the last few years, my strip club-addled brain tells me. However, they hadn’t quite made it at the end of 2009, probably. Who knows? Someone at EA picked this track out though, and it’s a great fit for football. It’s inspirational yet has a dark edge to it; an uncertain vulnerability. Like a self-help video floating in something brown which you can’t quite place. It isn’t chocolate, you know that much.
Reminds me of: Lionel Messi’s tiny little legs scoring balls and kicking goals and so on.
3. Gorillaz – Rhinestone Eyes (FIFA 11)
[youtube width=”560″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYDmaexVHic[/youtube]
Rhinestone Eyes by Gorillaz features what can only be described as a filthy keyboard riff in place of a proper chorus, which is fine by me, not that it matters. I particularly like the way that, around two minutes in, a female voice repeatedly says “I like big dicks big dicks big dicks”. We can’t ask for much more.
Reminds me of: John Terry. He’s big, and he’s also a dick.
2. The Veronicas – Untouched (FIFA 09)
[youtube width=”560″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykW4rtW2eu0[/youtube]
The Veronicas are a couple of lovely ladies from Australia. With the exception of Andrea Pirlo, no footballers are lovely, and relatively few are from Australia. Despite that stark incongruity, this song works very well in FIFA‘s menu screens. I’ve spent many hours trying to change my penalty taker with the smooth vocal tones of The Veronicas bouncing along in the background reassuringly, soothing my pain.
Reminds me of: Cristiano Ronaldo combing his hair in front of a mirror before a big night out in Madrid with his girlfriends.
1. CSS – Hits Me Like a Rock (FIFA 12)
[youtube width=”560″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atbY03rKrdA[/youtube]
There’s not much to say on this one. I bloody love this song. If you don’t, I don’t want to hear about it. Get out.
Reminds me of: Steven Gerrard scoring a last minute equaliser in the Cup final.
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