Home is a 2D side-scrolling atmospheric chill-fest which you can buy for money from Steam right now. About £2 of money, which isn’t much money, my butler tells me. I think Home is pretty swell. I done went and talked about it only the other day on the esteemed, and critically recognised as a thing, Ready Up Podcast.
[youtube width=”560″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGR3ggaWnS4[/youtube]
Home is pretty scary for something that has less pixels than your microwave time display, which probably doesn’t even have any pixels so isn’t even appropriate for comparison and I don’t know why it was brought up.
In fact, some would say Home was irresponsibly terrifying, and thus they might be handsomely inclined to draw up a rudimentary list of sorts outlining the five times Home made them do a handsome fright-poo in their pants in just its opening 15 minutes.
It doesn’t quite go without saying that, if you don’t want the opening 15 minutes or so of Home spoiled, you should not read this until you’ve saved up enough to pay the £2 to buy it and play through it yourself.
1. Argh a small cat!
About 22 seconds into Home I had my first incident. I was just getting my bearings, really, when this foul beast loomed into view. It uttered an unintelligible shriek before scampering off into the night, clutching a part of my soul in its inescapable maw.
What I found in my pants soon after:
2. Argh a loud bang!
I pressed on past the previous incident and staggered down an empty corridor. A loud bang rang through the walls of the house. A wet plop rang through the walls of my bum.
What I found in my pants soon after:
3. Argh something creaked!
I tried going into a room to see if that would help, but just through the door I was greeted by an even more worrying sound than the last. It could have been anything, but probably not puppies and lollipops. Which would probably be pretty upsetting in context anyway.
What I found in my pants soon after:
4. Argh the bats in my hair!
Sometimes you’ll be in a cave underneath a house you don’t recognise, when a flurry of freakish frenzied flying mammals will descend upon your face, which will be etched with an expression of pure, sheer, almost comforting, horror. At this point, it is okay to cry and softly call out for your mother, whilst also softly doing a poo.
What I found in my pants soon after:
5. Argh the pipe!
Things went a little quiet while the game presented me with a simple puzzle, which I admittedly struggled with. Of course, I had to re-tread old ground once I’d finished with the puzzle, and when you re-tread old ground in horror games, you just know that something’s going to jump out. Home is no different, but in place of zombie dogs, or Pyramid Head, or the millionth Necromorph that day, Home instead blasts boiling hot steam into your face from a seemingly docile pipe.
What I found in my pants soon after:
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