Be More Aggressive!

Be warned: This is a Call of Duty blog. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Modern Warfare 3 is now upon us and I have a request to politely put forward to all of Call of Duty’s multiplayer competitors: BE MORE AGGRESSIVE, DAMMIT!

No, this does not mean I want you to scream like a spoilt baby at me down a microphone with a voice which sounds like Gilbert Godfrey on helium informing me of how many people have had sexual intercourse with my mother (apologies in advance for when she reads this, because she will, but I’m afraid it does happen, Ma). It means I want more people to stop being such passive players. Yes, I know, you think you’re being ‘sneaky’ or ‘smart’ when you use Assassin, or you think that by equipping Blast Shield that it increases your worth as a man because you can take explosions as if grenades were made of marshmallows and rainbows. The truth of the matter, though, is that you’re not any more skilled for having these perks, you’re just admitting that you are a weaker player without them.

It’s such a passive approach to playing. If I choose to do nothing, say I refuse to use my earned UAVs/Sentry Guns or grenades/explosives, your perks mean NOTHING. They’re as useful to you as a condom to a Runescape player (ZING!). This is why I despise the playing style so harshly. It doesn’t reward you for being better, it merely helps to push this frustrating façade that I didn’t actually earn those three kills in a row for my killstreak or nail you perfectly in your cowardly fat face with my frag grenade. It’s a get out of jail free card for the players who believe before the game begins that the enemy is going to be better than them so they’d better counteract their success in advance.

Sniper rifles, shotguns, spawn killing, camping, random grenades, kill boosting, noob tubing, and the rest all make me want to rip my skin off in anger as well, but at least they’re methods which are used under the intention of trying to defeat other players by having an aggressive advantage. There’s a reason that there is a game mode available which completely eliminates Ghost as a perk option on Black Ops.

I want to encourage all of you Assassin-using, ballistic knife spinning cowardly players to step forward, put down that bush you’re wearing as a suit and, in the words of an immortal:

There’s my Gamertag. Open to whole world and I will add anybody until my friend’s list fills. So put away your damn passive perks, take a deep breath to calm your nerves, and just bring it, bitch!