Press Sex to Continue – The Perfect Man (NSFW)

Welcome to the kinky corner of Ready Up. Here we can relish in the naked form, both male and female, and what better person to guide you than me. Zoey at your service, your resident sexpert both in and out of the virtual world. Have you ever wanted to build the perfect person? Of course you have; we all have. Over the next two issues I’m going to embrace my creative side as I Frankenstein my way to making the perfect man and the perfect woman. This time round, my ideal man, so without further ado let’s gets building!

the guy is literally an animal.

The perfect head is always going to be tricky. After all, I don’t want to pick between pretty and rugged. Sometimes you want one, sometimes the other, I see no reason to limit myself and it’s a woman’s perogative to be fickle. Just no goody goodys. Yuck! What a turnoff! It’s very hard to pick just one head for my man but to avoid making some sort of disturbing hydra of hotness I picked one of my old favourites – Vincent Valentine from Final Fantasy VII. Cloud may have invaded my dreams, but Vincent invaded my pants… ok he didn’t, but if he tried I wouldn’t stop him. With those dark brooding eyes, perfectly sculpted bone structure, and luxurious hair it’s hard to see why he’s so often overlooked. Just look at his limit breaks, the guy is literally an animal. It’s blatantly obvious why he’s so well kept on the outside, he keeps his two halves very separate; but I can only imagine he embraces his inner self when he’s doing the deed. There we go, he can actualy be pretty and rugged depending on what side he’s showing. At the end of the day he’s just a pretty guy, and that’s why I’m choosing his head.

When it comes to the perfect male chest you can’t go far wrong with some Dante. Devil May Cry might be frustrating as hell when you try to get an S rank but simply cast your gaze on that perfectly formed chest and the anger just melts away. Obviously there’s now two versions of Dante but for me classic Dante is where it’s at. A stylish jacket with no shirt shows off those muscles perfectly – that chest just works. Let’s face it, demon hunting is clearly a good workout; whether it’s Dante or Bayonetta it seems to keep you in a shape the rest of us only dream of. It will inevitably lead to wondrous washboard abs without too much bulk.

I can’t even begin to explain myself.

For a good pert butt and strong legs that won’t tire easily (an essential in any man, obviously) it seemed highly sensible to pick from the plethora of males in the beat ’em up world. I settled on Jin Kazama from the Tekken series. At the end of the day there was little to separate a whole horde of athletic legs and butts so it came down to his devil gene. What can I say, I like some monster in my man. I fact, I can’t help but notice a pattern: Vincent turns into a monster, Dante is far from human, and Jin has a monster gene… I can’t even begin to explain myself.

So here he is, my finished masterpiece. I have to say, I’m pretty surprised by how well he turned out. All that muscle topped off with a pretty face and awesome hair? Definitely a hottie, thus making this experience definitely worthwhile. Admit it, you would. Now to start mulling over the insane amount of choices for next issue’s ‘Perfect Woman’. Maybe I’ll just build a harem…

Join me next time as we continue our journey into the world where sex and video games collide. And remember: it’s not demeaning or empowering, it’s just hot.