Progress Report

I’ve just finished my first full working week, all 37 hours of it, at my new job. I’ve done similar jobs before, found by my agency for me, but this job is bigger and better than any I’ve done before. My new title? Regime Change Operative (Panau Division).

Like a lot of jobs, I soon found myself being bossed around by three people. Two many chiefs, and not enough indians, I always say. It is a bit distracting having three separate bosses, but I found if you just concentrate on one of them at a time, you’ll get a lot more done.

This happened a LOT this week
This happened a LOT this week.

Despite the multiple overseers, t’s not a bad job, you get to go out and about a lot, and Panau really is quite the place to see by car, air or boat. In fact, I’ve done a lot of driving this week, driving 194 kilometres in 84 different varieties of vehicles. I think I might have even left one of them intact, too. All this driving and flying has taken to some wonderful places, though – I’ve seen sun-kissed beaches, arid deserts, dense tropical jungle and snowy white mountains. Of course, much of it has been obscured by sweat and blood getting in my eyes, and the acrid smoke of multiple fragmentation grenades doesn’t exactly allow you to smell the fresh air too much. Still, it’s much better than being stuck behind a desk (barring now, for my progress report, of course).

So, to this weeks progress report, which is made easier for me to fill in by the fact my agency keep an excellent set of metrics for me to draw from. First, a diagram:

A picture paints a thousand words. Or in this case, 2,723 kills.
A picture paints a thousand words. Or in this case, 2,723 kills.

As you can see, I’ve been a pretty busy boy this week – the Panauan military simply didn’t know what him them. I’ve also:

  • Destroyed 333 fuel depots
  • Assassinated 25 Colonels
  • Base jumped 603 metres
  • Visited 142 unique locations (and destroyed absolutely everything in 34 of those locations)
  • Hijacked 66 enemy vehicles

Still, it’s not all work, work, work, though. Don’t tell my bosses, but during working hours this week I slacked off some, and went on a hot air balloon trip. I also visited an airborne strip club held aloft by giant balloons (seriously!) and caned it around Panau in a bright pink pimped up ice cream van. I even went for a joyride in a 747 which I can tell you did NOT end well.

Ah, mishaps. There have been a few balls-ups this week, but then, you’ve got to cut me some slack, it is my first week. Still, I suppose people might have expected better seeing as how my salary even makes Premiership footballers look poor. Don’t tell the others in the office, but this week I earned $2,801,500 after tax and deductions (deductions being for little petty cash things like office equipment, military helicopters and sniper rifles).


My career advisor recommended I keep a video diary so I could review it and see how the first week went, but when I watch the above I seem to have focused a bit too much on the mistakes. Still, onwards and upwards. Next week will be even better. And that’s the end of my progress report.

Wait – did I mention that I killed the President of Panau this week?







5 responses to “Progress Report”

  1. The Rook avatar
    The Rook

    Whoa, deja vu. Sounded alot like a job I had too. There’s still an awful lot to do in Panau. Must try some more of the race challenges and obviously blow more stuff up, I mean write a letter to the government telling them I want change.

  2. Kat avatar

    Wait wait wait. I was told *I* was the Regime Change Operative (Panau Division). I have been slacking off though at around 15hrs and 9% complete.

    I found the hot air balloon and spent quite a while jumping in and out like a moron trying to get it to fly before realising I needed to shoot off the sandbags. Duh.

    Have taken a break from this as it gets repetitive but I really enjoy it. Absolutely beautiful game world.

  3. Markatansky avatar

    I’ve not had the time to visit Panau yet, hows the weather? I’ve been too busy making M-COM stations an endangered species.

  4. Simon avatar

    My exploits in Panau will be known as no less than genocide.

  5. Celeste avatar

    Vehicles – both airborne and non – appear to hate you.

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