Video Games Got Talent

Mario: I’m a Mario – and he’s a Luigi!  We also have a show called ‘Push-ah Tha Button’! You push-ah the P button and alla tha blocks turn-ah into coins.

But tonight we’re-ah here-ah for ‘Video Games-ah Got Talent… ah’.

And-ah here’s our-ah judges!

Mario: You-ah don't wanna see what Parappa did under-ah the desk!

He’s ah mean, he wears the trousers really high up his waist – he’s ah… Dr Robotnik!

And ah joining him – she’s ah pretty, she’s ah cool, she’s ah coming back to my dressing room after… I ah wish!  It’s Ulala from Space Channel-ah 5!

And last… and probably least – he’s a puppy that raps with a flower as a girlfriend.  He’s Parappa-ah the Rappa – ah!

And-ah now it’s our first-ah contestant.  Ristar was a star of a game in ninety, ninety something… and was all-ah set to be the next Sonic, until tragedy struck…

Ristar: I got cancer in one of my lower spikes.  The doctors managed to get me a replacement, so I still look like a star… I just don’t feel like one anymore.  It cost me my marriage, my lush forest setting – even my boss monsters left me.  But this is my chance to reach out my extendable arms and grab something back.  I’m grabbing life Mario.

Mario: That’s-ah so sad.  O-ah K!  Go outta there and show us whatta you can do!

Mario: Oh-ha look Luigi – he's-ah got extraordinarily long arms!

Parappa: Yo!  That’s was awesome, dog – way to grab my attention!

Dr Robotnik: I’m afraid that wasn’t for me.  Video Games characters with spines just make me angry!

Ulala: I guess I have the casting vote.  Um, I really liked you right until you used your extendable arms to try and cop a feel – and if you had been more tender, I might have let you through… but I’m afraid you’re not going through to the next round.

Mario: Ah, that’s ah so sad – what are you ah going to do now.

Ristar: Well, I still get my ‘Megadrive Collection’ money – so I’m going to try and keep my spines up!  Although I have to use Viagra for my lower spine now…

Mario: And that’s-ah enough of that – and now on stage, our next – ah contestant.  Mega-ah Man.. ah!

Dr Robotnik: And what are you going to do to twirl my moustache today, young man.

Mega Man: I’m going to blow your mind… with a leaf shield!

Mario: Luigi – I can't ah be'leaf' it! Ha-ah, ha-ah! I made-ah a funny!

Dr Robotnik: So let me get this straight – the way you combat evil… is with the power to throw four leaves at them?  A piece of paper would be more effective.

Parappa: Yo dog, that attack was mighty!  Mighty weak, that is – you’d better ‘leaf’ the stage!  Parappa out!

Ulala: What did you say!

Parappa: PARAPPA OUT!  Why do you have to always mess with my flava?

Ulala: Well, unless you’re an act helping out some bears doing what they do in the woods, I’m afraid it’s three no votes from us.

Mega Man: I will annihilate you with my mighty leaves!

Dr Robotnik: Take it outside, Mega Douche!

Mario: And-ah now, it’s an old-ah friend, who didn’t ah make it through last year, and is gonna try again to impress the judges.  I like-ah this guy, I didn’t-ah use to, but then we were in the Olympics together.  Sonic, what-ah do you have for us this time!

Sonic: This time, dude – I’m getting radical.  To the max!  I’m totally going to show them that I have the most magnetic personality, in the gnarliest way possible.  Chilli dogs!

Mario: I don't-ah believe it! That-ah sparkly shield's pulling all-ah the coins-ah outta my dungarees!

Dr Robotnik: So your idea of entertainment is to electrify the stage, and pull all rings towards you.  WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS HOLDING THE CURTAINS UP!!!

Ulala: I thought it was entertaining, but the static has completely ruined my hair, so it’s a no from me.

Parappa: Yo!  Dude!  You totally speak my language.  Unfortunately, your gig was totally non non non non heinous. And that means bad dude – I looked it up on Wikipedia!  Chilli dogs!

Mario: And that’s- ah it.  We’re all-ah out-ah contestants.  Unless… Luigi.  Where’s-ah my Tanooki suit?

Mario: Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm-ah!

Parappa: Whoah!  Dog – I could totally pee on you right now!

Ulala: And I could use that staff to do a pole dance!  What, I haven’t been in my own computer game since Michael Jackson worked with Sega!  I have Morolians to feed!

Dr Robotnik: And I could totally put your turtle into a mechanical body to wreak havoc over a small portion of the Green Hill Zone.  Incontrovertibly incandescent!

Luigi: Oh, why-sa does-sa Mario al-aways have-sa to take the spotlight?  Mario?  Mario!  There-sa a lot of pigeons wanting to crap on you right-sa now!







2 responses to “Video Games Got Talent”

  1. Jake avatar

    Me likey. More please.

  2. Tawny avatar

    This-ah should-ah be-ah recurrent-eh theme-eh in the site-ah!
    Bit tiresome, though. “And-ah one-ah seh-picy meat-ah-ball!” (had to write that :D)

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