There’s Just An Empty Space

I find myself 360-less for the third time.  I’m not here to complain about the unreliability of the Xbox 360. I, like so many others have done enough of that. It is not the issue I want to address, but in a strange way, I wish it was.

I’m in a strange place with no games. It’s cold and grey and uninhabited. I cannot see even a faint beam of light filtering through the dense monotone fog that silently surrounds me. My only contact with the outside world is full of mocking eyes that peer incredulously upon me as if I have spilled a glass of milk and am pouring out tears because of it. Even though I can feel their scorn it doesn’t quieten me.

My gaming separation has been a trial, a trial I have faced now for three weeks and four days. I’m woefully counting each one. Well aware of the fact that my shooter skills are slipping away from me with each day’s  passing. My desire to level up possibly dampened, by a world where significantly improving oneself takes years of study or training and I fear my puzzle solving ability will become limited, to the point where I struggle to match up a pair of socks.

My passion for gaming is often mistaken for addiction by the nay-sayers but “Nay!” I say. I have dealt with addiction and it feels nothing like this. After the initial withdrawal you don’t actually miss the thing you were addicted to cause it was controlling your life, not making it better. This doesn’t feel like withdrawal, it feels like loss.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance, the five stages allegedly dealt with when coping with grief and tragedy. I have felt four of these things in the last twenty five days but I refuse to be beaten into acceptance. I’m squirreling away the pennies between buying nappies, school shoes and Coco Pops but staying optimistic is becoming a struggle. I’m not my full self, part of me is missing. I think it’s KillerChick. She’s become more than just a gamertag to me and she’s fading away into nothingness, neglected and unstimulated.

I’m like a runner with a broken leg, a singer without a voice, a bird without wings. It is in me to play, to compete and to laugh. It is who I am. I am a gamer, I play games.

P.S  I’m jus’ playin’







7 responses to “There’s Just An Empty Space”

  1. arc14716 avatar

    When you get your 360 back, we could play a few rounds on Halo 3 and use me for target practice. That way you can get your ‘leet shooting skills back.

  2. Michael avatar

    Punch pillows or cushions every so often, imagine it’s a noob.

  3. Darach avatar

    Coco Pops or games?

    There are just some choices no gamer should ever be faced with. 🙁

  4. Ben avatar

    I know your pain, and think that I’m slightly guilty for the teasing / mocking, but no doubt I’ll get my just deserts when you’ve got a battle riffle in your hand.

    There’ll be a time though when that quirky achievement unlocked sound will be ringing its way through your gaming room, noobs dieing by the bucket load and then laughing at the likes of me when you start to obliterate our Gamerscores.

    Vengeance / revenge, is always the best thing about stuff I find 🙂

  5. Alex avatar

    Shucks, again? That really sucks! Like, sucks enough to tear the universe a new black hole.
    I hope they sort your machine out post haste, bah, they should send you a gold plated one back this time!

  6. Van-Fu avatar

    I feel your pain.

  7. Lorna avatar

    🙁 I hope this gets sorted for you soon. I was at a loss without mine – I kept thinking about all the games that I could be playing. 🙁

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