Adding up to a headache

My biggest problem lately is adding.  Not the mathsy variety but the Friends List kind.  Up until now, Janey-no-mates here has only ever added people from forums (after vetting their posts to avoid nobs, dobbas and ‘ists) and more lately, some fine folk from Ready Up.  Then my profile appeared in a more public setting and the floodgates have opened.

It boggles the mind how and why people would add someone they don’t know on zero basis.  It has been a pretty mixed bag.  There were many plain adds, some Tribbiani-esque ‘how you doing’ type eye-rollers and some slightly needy messages for friendship that are presumably from young teen males who have no idea of the wonders of Photoshop on a face that is older than they think, but you can’t help but think ‘aww’ to some of them.  Then there are the adds with messages about games or whatever they have seen me playing online at the time – at least they make an effort.  I have perhaps spun the wheel with a degree of luck, but so far, the ball has avoided bouncing into excrement and I have only encountered one vaguely shitty person who, after pestering me with messages asking if I had got his request, told me I wasn’t ‘right in the head’ after I declined.

Now, the fact that I may very well not be right in the head is neither here nor there – people that know me have the privilege of saying that.  Strangers who blind-add and then get narky do not.  With attitudes like this, do they not grasp the concept that people won’t add them or want to do anything other than scrub their bodies with cheese graters after brief message contact? (Yours or theirs.  Mainly theirs.)

So who do I add?  How do I traverse the minefield? profile, bio, name – check.  Hmm…pair of boobs tastefully created out of punctuation – nope.  Sleazy/Code of Conducted bio?  No ta.  Football nonsense, macho posturing, or pseudo-marine on speed speech – no.  There is no right way to handle it once logic and elimination have taken you so far and then shoved you from the car like a snivelling mafia snitch – you just have to decide to click one way or the other.  A leap of faith perhaps.  It will either end up like my Facebook – sadly cluttered with old school acquaintances whom I was too polite to tell to bugger off or it will be beautifully bleak and minimalist, perhaps to be hung in the Tate Modern and win the Turner Prize along with whatever gold plated dog turd or lactating toaster is this year’s contender.

Maybe politeness is my problem.  I should just wait until I’m in a foul mood and then attend to my pending requests.  Given my nature, that could be any time in the next few minutes given the right circumstances.  Given that 3 new messages just plinked in, that I get interrupted every time I’m playing now and the fact that the new Facebook is crap (not strictly games related, but annoying) that’s pretty much a dead cert in fact.  Let the purge commence and tomorrow, the world.






12 responses to “Adding up to a headache”

  1. Ben avatar

    I generally go for the “if I don’t know you, you don’t get added” option.

    I think my friends list is up to 11 now, with 8 of those Ready Up’ers. No better way to get to know RU folk than by gaming with them right?

    I only ever add some randomite from the vast reaches of the internet if I know I’ve played a few online games with them in the past, i.e. keep being put up against them in Burnout Paradise.

    Basically fly by friend requests are generally a no go, perhaps that’s me being grumpy though.

  2. Kirsten avatar

    Welcome to my world 🙂

  3. TM Brock avatar
    TM Brock

    It sucks but if you find out about them and they are all right then there is n harm in adding them

  4. Lorna avatar

    Thanks Kirsten 😀

    And TM Brock, you’re saying that because you were one of the few folk I gave in and added after conducting an interrogation!

  5. Razgate avatar

    “So who do I add?”
    Good question, and i say add ME
    tell you what! for a change you send me an invite and I’ll decline it for you 😀

    i suggest that you never add retro boy g cos he’s right into uno and that’s just full of bums and willies.
    *whisper* i think he’s gay, ask Haggis (martin) about the banana video. *end of whisper*

    but seriously i just add anyone cos if i didn’t i’d only have a handful of friends

    My most helpful friend is Darkhyro
    My most humorous friends are Haggis and retro
    My most inspirational friend is Shaz (Cos she wants me to try and beat her high scores)
    My least inspirational friend is Punx4life (cos his high scores are to high to even bother trying, he’s seriously taking the piss with his Geometry wars 2 scores)
    and finally
    My Least on my friends list friend is that Sketchstone bird 😀 man she’s so hot I’m gonna add her and see if i can get a perv at her and hear her voice and stuff LOL 😀

  6. Tony avatar

    I was going to say that yesterday I accepted a friends request from someone that had found this site, but looking above my comment I see he’s already commented here – TM Brock.

    I have to say (and no offense to you, TM) that anyone I add in those circumstances is sort of on probation – if they turn out to be a pain in the butt they’ll be straight off my list!

  7. paradox avatar

    i think most the time it boils down to the ‘she’s a girl’ syndrome.
    it goes something like this :-
    *beavis an butthead mode*

    “dude, she like a girl, huh huh, a girl who plays games huh huh, she has boobies huh huh huh ect ect”

    personally i dont add randomers, and rarely accept them, sometimes i’ll consider it with the checking out there bio exct but if they cant be bothered to send a msg along with the add letting me know where they saw me or played with me, i think its lazy and weird.

    girl gamers get this x10 i’d guess, simply because they know your gender and the randoms think they might be in with a chance of getting you on uno for a laugh.

    lastly, i never send a FR to someone who i know is female, simply because, know them or not, or if they admit it or deny it, there will always be that thought in the back of their mind of “he’s just added me because im female” *sigh*

    its a minefield tbh, and i find it much better to get to know people ( as much as you can on a forum ) at least a little before adding them to a friends list.

    that said, do you girls mind if i send you a FR, ‘cos you know, you has bewbs 😉

  8. Lorna avatar

    Tony, I’m also adopting the ‘on probation’ approach now with the new adds, it’s the best way I think 🙂

    I think you’re quite right Paradox, and I love the spelling of ‘bewbs’, it shall be stolen immediately 😀

  9. Skill avatar

    Oooh. Plenty of food for thought with this one.

    I wonder if this is part of something larger.
    The growth of celebrity obsessed culture has all sorts of weird effects.

    People have over-valued even small amounts of fame to incredible degrees;
    If I’ve seen your face on tv or in a magazine you must be teh famousest, bestest person evr.

    But they’re also encouraged to feel that they somehow have rights of ownership to people;
    If I’ve seen your face on tv or in a magazine then all your life are mine.

    Oh well, its just a thought.

  10. Michael avatar

    It will either end up like my Facebook – sadly cluttered with old school acquaintances whom I was too polite to tell to bugger off or it will be beautifully bleak and minimalist, perhaps to be hung in the Tate Modern and win the Turner Prize along with whatever gold plated dog turd or lactating toaster is this year’s contender.”

    I have none of my school mates on there… being a bit nosy, I have looked for the odd name (mainly via schools) and have found that the ones who are on there are twats. Well, they were twats… and who wants a twat for a mate, eh? Also, a lactating toaster would be super handy at breakfast…

    For a curious mix, I have very few randoms (though I do have some due to being a mag, like yourself) on my FL on XBL or Facebook (actually, I have none on the latter). There’s quite a bit of, hmm, identicalness on the two – but none of those were added/requested blindly. I got to know them first.

    In a way, though, I think only adding people you’ve got to know over, say, a year (give or take) makes things really, hmm, insular?

    I could tell you a tale of how someone I know (let’s call them person A) learned one thing about an online acquaintance, something they’d endured, and it changed things… mainly because that one thing was close to something person A had experience of, something that had perhaps even defined them. Despite themselves, they acted out of character through some sort of empathy (and maybe overprotectiveness)… that broke things and person A, trying to start with a clean slate, just kept trying. Then they stopped, the poor schmo.

    So remember kids, “knowing” a person doesn’t mean you know them. Or maybe there’s a time limit for it – you know, a ‘it’s been five years, I know this person now’ kind of thing?

  11. Michael avatar

    Or even “being IN a mag”…

  12. Lorna avatar

    I see Paradox has appeared in a certain mag now…time to break out the pervy messages and adds 😀

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