L.S.E (it’s an offspring song)

When I spoke with Dan about joining Ready-Up he said it would be ok to post every ten days or so.  up until a few weeks ago that wasn’t a problem, I was really into gaming and I felt i could spout forth vast pages of gaming related wisdom.  My gaming time was just that-mine-after the family had went to bed the 360 whirred into life and a few pleasurable hours were spent playing into the wee small hours, but a cloud was on the horizon and I didn’t see it coming.

Just over a month ago my then girlfriend now fiance announced that she was feeling a bit more down than usual and was firing off accusations left right and centre as to what may be causing this.  Just for the record it was nothing to do with my gaming habits so…. Anyway a lot of the reasons were aimed at me and I must confess i was knocked for six by some of them, nothing I will trouble you good folk with.  The knock on effect was that at night when the 360 trundled to life I was merely holding the pad staring into the beyond, wondering, what I had done that was so bad, after all, to anyone who knows me I am one of the nicest people you could meet.  Games weren’t helping me!

Fast forward a few weeks and the doctor confirmed what we had already known, that fiance is suffering from depression, not deep suicidal depression, but depression none the less.  Having this confirmed led me to curtailing my gaming activities into the wee small hours just so that if she needed someone to hold in bed I would be there.  However fiance is seeking solace in a forum online and disappears to it for hours on end so now I play my 360 when she is doing that, which is usually for a damn long time, everyone’s happy?

You may be asking why I have written this blog after all it’s not really about games but here’s the thing.  It seems that if you have depression everyone is willing to give you good advice of be very gentle and kind with you or in fiances case pep her up via her forums.  But if you are the person living with the person affected there is nothing, you are just meant to understand and keep a brave face on which is getting increasingly harder to do.  I just needed to know that if even on person reads this that I have managed to get something out that is burning inside me.  Apologies if this goes against the Ready-Up tenet but in this case the phrase a friend in need…. really is true.  By the way you may have guessed that I wasn’t the reason for the depression, just the easiest target and that is why we are now getting married, we do still love each other.

Thanks for listening








5 responses to “L.S.E (it’s an offspring song)”

  1. Kate avatar

    There’s no shame in needing to vent a little about a difficult period in your life. Hope your fiance feels better soon!

  2. Tony avatar

    In the words of Spiritualized: “Nothing hurts you like the pain of someone you care about.”
    I hope you are both OK in the long run, and that things work out well for you all.

  3. Shaz avatar

    You both love each other, although it may take a while you and your fiance will be able to get through thick and thin over time. I believe so!

  4. Michael avatar

    It can be difficult – you worry that pushing them may make them withdraw into themselves (personally speaking). It is a good thing that she realized something was wrong and admitted it to you

    Both of you take care, OK?

  5. Martin avatar

    I would like to thank the people here and the people who have contacted me on Xbox for all your kind thoughts. I am so happy that you are taking the time to read, think and comment it makes me feel less alone. I realise that I am not the one with the illness and it is probably wrong to look for some sympathy but sometimes words hurt more than phsyical contact. Thanks again, Martin (haggis)

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