Author: Rose

  • A Postcard from Moscow

    I recently built myself a new PC, which always warrants the immediate application of a snarling, resource-hungry beast of a game that I never dared to run on my old PC. One of the games I’d been saving to place inside the new wizard box is Metro 2033. Metro 2033 is a game delivered from…

  • Jamestown: Legend of the Lost Colony

    In shoot-em-ups (shmups), you are a small spaceship/helicopter/psi-teen/fairy flying either vertically or horizontally through a world of pain. As each new section of screen unfurls itself to your slowly-traversing spaceship, a vast array of ill-meaning enemies make plain their absolute determination to end you. A single neon projectile gently grazing your small hitbox will grant…

  • E3 and Me: The PC Perspective

    At the outset of each E3 conference, every available live stream is being loaded up into individual tabs in my browser and assessed for speed and quality as the picture focuses on a dimly lit stage. I love the weird performance of it — nerds, pseudo-nerds and businessmen attempting to enthral. It’s always a delightful…

  • Real Time Suckery

    Let’s get this out of the way immediately: I don’t play Real Time Strategy games. I’ve made brief forays into the genre in the past, only to be quickly overwhelmed by my own sense of inadequacy. With most games, it’s possible to get some sort of tenuous grip on the schematics and necessities just by…

  • Video Game Self-Harm, Part 1: Ouendan!

    I’m at my parents’ house. Here at the onset of a reading week that I’m able to pretend is a genuine holiday for these first few days of absolute denial. The fire is crackling, the dog is snoring and I’m feeling genuinely relaxed. After a few moments of quiet reflection, my arm uncontrollably jabs out,…

  • Back to the Future, Episode 1

    The three Back to the Future films are forever imbued with a sense of joyful nostalgia for me. Those intermingling timelines have run alongside my own in various permutations since I was a whippersnapper first caught up in the concept of time travel. A few months ago, I was nestled into a cinema watching the…

  • Walkin’ in a Digitally Downloadable Wonderland

    In the age of the digitally downloadable game, the space between Christmas and New Year has me joyfully feasting on a variety of offensively affordable sale items. I feel like a goddamned King perusing Steam from the comfort of a throne constructed entirely of pressed saffron and panda semen, slathering my face with baby foreskin…

  • Red Orchestra 2: Heroes of Stalingrad

    The first Red Orchestra (Red Orchestra: Ostfront 41-45) sprung up from the fertile grounds of the PC modding community. Using the various engines available to them, a group of dedicated enthusiasts wrangled with code to create their own World War II shooter. The team went on to win $50,000 in the Make Something Unreal contest…

  • Dragon Age 2: The Age of “Awesome”

    Nearing the approach of Dragon Age: Origins, a trailer was released. Blood billowed out from innumerate baddies with every sword-slash that shimmered its way across our field of view, beasts were slain en masse after charging headwards into shield-walls and a chick in her underwear partook in the kind of mutual caressing montage that always…

  • Highscore Nemeses

    Nowhere is the fight for perfection more keenly illustrated than in the quest for a highscore. The game in question is often entirely arbitrary, but the goal itself is absolute: get the biggest collection of numbers to align itself at the top of your screen. On some level, it’s man vs machine; organic brain-squidge vs…