You might be wondering why I’m saying all that, hmm? Well, I recently played Fable 2 and was struck by how uniquely British it was in terms of setting, humour and even accents and maybe how rare that really is these days. It’s a truism that games are generally more expensive to produce in this day and age. A big game needs to make a profit in multiple regions – especially the US, Europe and Japan – and perhaps it must be generic to do so? Doesn’t it?

Perhaps the most famous icon of them all is anonymous; I call him No-Face

What struck me more than any other aspect was the fact that there were Northern Irish accents in there… aye, I know that’s maybe a minor detail to most but to my knowledge, it’s a first in games and one detail I was quite pleased about! At the same time, I learned of people from my fine country appearing in Far Cry 2 and Fallout 3, although admittedly Liam Neeson as my dad isn’t such a huge development because he’s from Ballymena and lives in America. Far Cry 2 was a different matter because the Norn Iron man was from Fermanagh, like myself. If I were completely egocentric, I’d think that was partly from my years of lurking around Ubisoft forums… but then I’d slap myself for such wishful thinking (and, between you and me, I am very good at a self-administered facepalm for comedic purposes). All this pride in my country being represented is not just about that, you’ll be glad to hear. No, there’s a wider issue and that is the, hmm, globalisation of games. Fable 2 got me thinking of the games I’ve played and quite a few of my favourites are distinctly from a certain country or region; it shines throughout every facet of the product.

From Japan and the East there’s the likes of Ico, Okami (a game built on Asian mythology and art), the quirkiness of Beautiful Katamari and Disgaea (exploding penguins FTW!) and even the Final Fantasy series with the reliance it has on a linear story, a cast of characters and sumptuous cutscenes. From our shores there’s Fable (and pretty much anything from Lionhead/Bullfrog), Overlord (which despite not having played, I believe owes some inspiration to Dungeon Keeper 2, a Bullfrog game which I have played and love) and Crackdown. Yes, Crackdown! That game is pure slapstick with a side order of po-faced superhero action rather than vice versa. It’s anarchic and maybe a bit Charlie Chaplin?

There are other examples of games from the US – anything by Tim Schafer, for instance, though he has apparently admitted being influenced by British comedy like Monty Python - and Norway with Alan Wake and the focus it has on darkness from a country near the Arctic Circle. These games and more give me hope that despite the industry growing ever larger and needing to appeal to more consumers to sustain itself, the cultural idiosyncrasies of the games that I love aren’t lost to the masses.

Besides, if everything was the same what joy would there be?

But I know that this power is actually limited by the developer’s whim; if you had full freedom, the story would not work, the world would break. The only game I’ve seen to have such… bravery is The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. Here I could make mistakes, typically by bumping off a major character, and the world would go on. I had an impact but the world didn’t end because it didn’t revolve around me. This also rankled with me. Why? I could become the head of several organizations but could be dismissed by those of lower rank due to a simple act of theft, for instance. I swear, it was an accident… the power meant nothing in the end, I affected naught.

Life lesson #5: Don't try and mug someone with a mohawk and/or floating island

I played Morrowind and I dreamt of what could be when I heard word of a sequel. I envisaged a world where I could, if I wanted, found a town that I had designed… don’t judge me! I wished to have the chance to recruit a handpicked band of mercenaries, of various skills (that I could choose to specialise) and wreak havoc or the opposite on the countryside. I realise now that sounds like an MMO setup… but at the time of my wish I was not so savvy about games as I am now. I hungered to unite all the Dunmer Houses under MY rule! I fantasised about having a castle or something with a cornucopia of rooms for such things as alchemy and weapons training… and various other purposes. I wanted the chance to perform these little acts of power that could shape the world and affect the lives of those I encountered. But that wish was lost in Oblivion… Oblivion. Where the enemies levelled up with me, even if they should pose no challenge to a pimped-out Nord. Where I was brought down to Earth Cyrodiil with a bump because I couldn’t levitate.

Someday that game may exist beyond my dreams; until then, I’ll keep imagining.

Power. Give me more power.

I’ve seen countless battles since then, so many I’ve forgotten how intense that one was. I’ve gotten a knack of almost blanking out the faces of the men I’ve killed; men that, if I were to stop and think, probably had the same motives as me – to fight for what they thought was right. But time has an ironic way of filling in the “gaps” in memory… and technology makes the anonymity of combat harder to accomplish. The faces are more vivid now.

And so it was that I was horrified to learn of a game that was set in the world’s latest war, one that is still in progress. A game called Six Days in Fallujah. Make no mistake, I used to play war-set FPSs with little thought of the horrors that inspired them, horrors that gave us all the freedom we have to play such games. As I have grown up, that thought has made me ever more uneasy. To peddle death as entertainment? Hmm… as long as it’s aliens or zombies, it’s not so bad. But “people” that may or may not be based on actual people? “Events” based on real events? No thanks. I can maybe push my comfort zone to such games set in “near-future” scenarios or even warzones that are very loosely inspired on real events (and, believe me, I’m aware that smacks of hypocrisy), but even that is something I’m starting to baulk at. And the increased realism of the faces of my “enemies” as we go deeper into the Uncanny Valley makes it harder to… ignore.

As the title says, the setting is six days during the Second Battle of Fallujah; the perspective is that of a squad from the 3rd Battalion 1st Marines. The developer, Atomic Games, is stating the intent of the game is to “create the most realistic military shooter available”. I’m not so sure about that as a feature of the game is apparently the use of recharging health… I wasn’t aware the US military had such a thing. Not only that, the battle itself caused the death, injury or displacement of countless civilians. The controversy of the source material is such that, after much backlash, Konami stepped down as the publisher.

With the apparent discrepancy between the stated aim of Atomic Games and a soundbite attributed to a Konami employee, Anthony Coutts – “At the end of the day, it’s just a game” – I wonder which side of the fence the game will land on. In a way, much as the game’s concept makes me uneasy at this stage, I hope it will deal with the events in a mature, non-exploitative way. That it will – as many of the greatest war films do – be something of an indictment of what war does to men. I’m not sure it will.

Well, without further ado, I did play these ones! *takes a breath* Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance 2, Black, Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth, Deus Ex: Invisible War, Enclave, Fable, Fable: The Lost Chapters, Far Cry Instincts, Far Cry Instincts Evolution, Genma Onimusha, Halo, Halo 2, Jade Empire, Kingdom Under Fire: The Crusaders, Obscure, Panzer Dragoon Orta, Pariah, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Star Wars: KOTOR 2, The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind, The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind GOTY, Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell Chaos Theory, Unreal 2: The Awakening and X2: Wolverine’s Revenge. Yes, I am hardcore.

Like most sane people that happen to be Star Wars fans (no, that’s not an oxymoron), I thought KOTOR 2 was crap. Because it was. FACT. Let’s face it, any game that has an endboss of an old woman and a bunch of laser swords can’t be good. But the first KOTOR was, of course, genius. Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself… games I despised first! KOTOR 2 you know. Well, add ObsCure (like a violent episode of Scooby Doo), Enclave, Pariah, Kingdom Under Fire: The Crusaders and X2: Wolverine’s Revenge to that list. I barely played Enclave, I couldn’t get past a certain bit (yes, I know that’s rubbish), so that’s out. To be fair, I did like Pariah a bit (plus I’m utterly convinced one of the vehicle designs inspired the Mongoose of Halo 3) but the story – specifically the end - made no sense whatsoever. Likewise for Far Cry Instincts and the sequel Evolution aka a diet version of The Island of Dr. Moreau. Good games, no doubt, but not much replay value. Oh, and I was crap at making maps for them! I’m not even going to talk about KUF or X2, I’m just that horrified at the weird strategy style and what they turned Logan into. Moving on!

My RPG love is not in doubt, with the KOTORs and Jade Empire from BioWare, Baldur’s Gate: Dark Allliance 2, Fable (and the remake, Lost Chapters) and TES3: Morrowind and its remake, the GOTY edition (with the Bloodmoon and Tribunal expansions). Well, this was surprisingly easy to whittle! I played Morrowind - and I include the re-release when I say that – so much I lost count; I was Hlaalu, Redoran and Telvanni (but the first House was always my favourite); I was an Elf (no, not an Elf Lord), a Viking and a Roman. But the GOTY edition is better because of value for money.

This is basically what my first character looked like!

Now, Black was basically a Hollywood movie straight from the mind of Jerry Bruckheimer in game form – one with lots of conveniently placed explosive barrels and shouty Russians (maybe) and, as such, fun but nothing special. A Big Mac of a game. Yay for mixed metaphors! Of the other shooters, it’d be a bit of a toss-up between Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth and the original Halo. Yes, the original! See, along with CoC: DCotE… oh, I just realised that might be a poor acronym like the Committee for the Liberation… well, you might get the idea with that. Ahem. As I was saying, along with it being a Bethesda game, it had some interesting ideas similar to the Gamecube’s Eternal Darkness as well as a frankly shit-yerself-scary (no, not literally) chase through a hotel. If this was about greatest game moments, that might be a contender. However, I never finished Call of Cthulhu, it was too difficult with a particular puzzle. But enough of my lack of wit for obtuse brainteasers, on to Halo… this was maybe my first FPS – actually, that’s wrong, it was the first FPS I had any sort of ability in – and one I played multiple times, on all difficulties, solo. Beating it on Legendary is one of my proudest gaming achievements, before Achievements, because I earned it with every Elite I beat down, every Hunter I shot in the back and every Grunt I grenade-tagged. I still think it has some of the best enemy AI I’ve ever encountered and is tougher than Gears of War on Insane – a game that arrived several years later. I honestly think it’s largely responsible for the success of the console and, later, Xbox Live and the Xbox 360. FACT. But enough of that…

I liked Halo 2 for the inclusion of the Arbiter but I wasn’t as wowed as I’d been by the first game. Maybe I was a bit more jaded – I think it’s a standard thing for gamers but I just liked it less plus the ending was shit because it was basically you versus a giant apebear thing with a hammer. It was Donkey Kong in fucking space! And the rest? The also-rans? Well, Orta was because I’d been intrigued by hearing of the sublime Panzer Dragoon Saga… plus, there be DRAGONS! Unreal was because it was Unreal! I bought it twice and got stuck at the same point both times… Chaos Theory was because I was a bit of a fan of Splinter Cell and that may be my favourite instalment of the series. In a similar way, Invisible War was got as I loved the original Deus Ex and played it a bunch of times; I.W wasn’t a patch on that game, sadly, but it wasn’t as bad as many people seem to think. And Onimusha was good but, oh dear God, the camera was atrocious!

So, in the end, it’s all about shooting brightly coloured aliens and stabbing elves. Who’da thunk?

You may remember that product was heavily featured in Splinter Cell: Double Agent, you may not. Well, I do recall that and it rankled with me like you wouldn’t believe! See, I didn’t like that it was strewn on billboards or in the bedroom of a cruise ship passenger as good ol’ Mr. Fisher was going about his day (and night) job of saving the world and popping out to get the groceries… discounted of course.

I don’t want a face that a mouse could ski on, thanks

The man himself obviously didn’t use it either! It sat ill with me even though the game was set in the real world. It may be geographically real but it’s not the world I live in, that world of spies and death and gadgets. And so I ranted about it innumerable times at the game’s release… but now I wonder. Did my hatred of such blatant advertising eventually catch me so I ended up being swayed?

Okay, I’m not totally against advertising; between you and me, I’m not one that buys into it as I don’t watch much TV or read many papers. I know when it comes to games these days, it may be necessary to fund the very game product X is plugged in but would a little context not go amiss? Or at the very least have a little subtlety and instead of using a knife, use a scalpel?

I’m incredibly worried I’ll end up with an ill-advised stealth suit one of these days…

I see the world and I occasionally recognize locations from games *ignores the fact that they may be sheer coincidence*; from the Harland and Wolff shipyards ripping off the Volk territory of Crackdown fame to a tower on the road between Stranraer and Glasgow looking exactly like a Kingdom guard post in Assassin’s Creed to a motorway lane (yes, you read that right) that made me think “Where is THAT from?!”. It was right out of San Andreas, well Los Santos really. Between you and me, though, I have a knack for remembering landmarks and stuff which came in superhandy on my most recent jaunt to Glasgow – when I saw the tower – after not visiting the place for two years! Point is, maybe that knack helps me see such stuff out of games. Either that or maybe I have too much imagination or urban planners are crazy.

And, of course, that doesn’t even cover games actually based on real locations; the Shenmue series (Yokosuka, Hong Kong, Kowloon and Guilin), The Getaway (London) and Test Drive Unlimited (Oahu) and more besides. For me, these games are, and have been, a way of travelling the world from the comfort of a sofa or something. Yes, ladies and gentleman, like the guy just down there I am an armchair tourist.

Now I don’t think the time has come for my beloved Sony machine to be put down just yet, not when it produced the likes of Okami and Shadow of the Colossus so close to the end. Maybe that could be seen as a last-ditch attempt to show it could still dazzle against the horsepower of the Xbox 360, who knows? If it was, what a way to go! But that is the way of things, no? Especially for the tech-hungry devotees of our pastime. Things are pushed aside for the shiny new stuff. And we buy it. I bought it too, without question.

But, because of the rush by Microsoft to beat the competition, we ended up with a shoddy product. This is not a condemnation of the whole approach they had, though it might look that way. No, it’s a lament because I recently looked for a controller for my PS2 when both my Xbox 360 console and PS2 controllers were out of commission and you know what? I couldn’t find one anywhere! I could see endless games for the system but not the system itself or any accessories for it!

Now obviously this isn’t really the fault of the manufacturing and development side of the industry but rather the sales side of it. That makes me think of a wider issue – once a format is rendered obsolete, is it truly beyond reach? Is our mutual history so easily tossed aside at the whims of the market?

I suppose what I’m really saying is does anyone know where I can get a PS2 controller?

Mine is like the one on the right; I may have hugged it when it returned…

Yes, I’ve sent my Xbox for repair and got it back after two tense weeks last month and it feels so good! It was sat waiting for me on my bed when I got home from work one night. FACT. The thing is I haven’t yet played with it. I know, you’re probably thinking something like, “what’s wrong with you man?!” but it HAS been a long time you know! The place it once occupied has been usurped by my slimline PS2 – a new, younger model if you like – and a variety of games and DVDs – work is still monopolising my time; both my day job and this one.

Besides, in the absence of internet, it’s not as appealing playing with it by myself when there’s a whole group I used to play with, not to mention a whole gaggle of people I’ve met in the meantime but not yet shot in the face/run over/set on fire. And now I’m worried that when I do turn it on, it’ll turn nasty after the neglect and will spurn my advances as soon as I slip a disc in the tray.

But that’s something I’ll try not to think about; I’ll just enjoy the time I spend with it as soon as I get the internet back at my place. Until then, it’ll be more dalliances with that gorgeous Elite shacked up with my brother!

Communities don’t really exist anymore, so certain people who study such things claim in that mournful yet strangely gleeful way meaning “I told you so!”; technology has essentially killed them, progress has strangled them in its migration – via cables of all sizes - across the globe. I don’t claim to know about this stuff but I wonder if it’s so easy to undo something any group of people build when they gather since gathering began.

I come from a place that’s not quite a village, not quite a city; in fact, and I’ve never told anyone this before, I’ve been so struck by that… limbo that I’ve carried an idea for a photograph since my teens which illustrates that rural-urban vibe. I’ve tentatively called it “When Worlds Collide”; clichéd, I know, but apt. Maybe someday I’ll use what I’ve learned, what I may yet learn, to finally take that picture and demonstrate a fraction of the skill of my grandfather; someone who has been an inspiration of sorts though I never knew him. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, all this has a point. First, I’ve visited a mere four cities in my lifetime – Belfast (at least twice), Salzburg, Glasgow and London in that order – and I’ve witnessed what, from my outsider’s perspective, is the… self-absorption of city dwellers. The conscious effort they seem to make to, say, avoid eye contact is truly baffling to me, who typically greets all and sundry with that and the flash of a smile from force of habit. Baffling and a little sad.

Casting call for twee MGS3 parody with puppies -  here’s The Pain (of confusion) and The Sorrow

Yet that image is shattered by the simple act of approaching them, asking for help, or maybe I struck it lucky each time… in Belfast, with a woman who needed help herself; Salzburg, that gorgeous French woman; Glasgow, that gorgeous Asian woman (spotting a pattern?) that gave me directions – and it was strange to hear a Scottish accent there (small-minded maybe?) – and the woman in that Buchanan St. cafe that maybe called me doll (well, that’s what it sounded like and I’m not au fait with Glaswegian, OK?) *grins at the memory*; London, the ex-pat Irishman who let me have a single room at the hotel he ran on short notice, at £10 less than usual, after I’d serendipitously asked him for directions to another hotel hours earlier. Oh, and the slightly odd Englishman with dubious political views – who I’ll forever know as Trolley Martin – that proclaimed my people saints and scholars after I’d asked for directions. So I can see a little of that community spirit in what, to me, is a world away from my home in both overwhelming scale and distance. It exists on the ground, beyond the sight of those doomsayers perched far from the madding crowd on their ivory towers, those learned carrion.

I know I’ve not talked of games or gaming yet and, if you’re not bored by now, thanks for sticking it out this far! OK, I’ve grown to see those cables transform the world, as well as this thing of community, and it’s a marvellous thing to see in this era of PCs, PDAs and mobile phones separating people and maybe breaking up the traditional idea of community. It’s a marvellous thing to be a part of; there is a world that’s opened up where I can speak with people from every continent bar the penguin one, develop friendships with them which can span years, maybe decades, without necessarily ever meeting them. And yet, this same fact pains me greatly when those same people are hurt or in trouble and I can’t be there for them; the strength of feeling I can get is perhaps more than I’ve ever felt for the closest of real friends I’ve had and it is getting stronger. A blessing, I think, and a curse. Still, is tradition so sacred? So important? Of course not! Unless you’re against progress anyway. The fact that I told you all of that photograph I’ve conjured up there is a matter of trust, of… transparency, though it may seem trivial to you. It’s not. With some of you, I’ve got to know and trust you to such an extent that I see you a bit like family and treat you as such. It’s no deliberate choice, it’s just how it is. All because we share a single hobby. I find that incredible.

There was a conversation I once had with Kate – formerly the Frag Doll known as Jam – where she said that confidence takes time. I’m not sure she’s right there, in a rare lapse. I’ve never had that quality in quantity until recently; I was ever the wallflower until I never met you all, some as long ago as 4 years now (and I realise 4 years is a long time… but it’s relatively short in 28 years!). I certainly wasn’t the type to brazenly flirt with three women at once, talk with a stranger (or group) like I knew them or ask a (quite attractive) English woman where she was from and then telling her of a social gathering of gamers while I was waiting to go home; all things I’ve done over the course of a rather hectic three days not too long ago. And that’s why I love this group that defies both “death” and stereotypes of what gamers are (special mention must go to the quite personable Gilo!) and gives me such a sense of belonging – the point of a community, no? You make me realise how small my world has been, how small it is. You’ve given me a hunger for more, I suppose; more experience, more travel, more… adventure! I’ve never had that appetite before.

Thank you.

If I could, I would hug all this

Off the top of my head, and with a little assistance from Wikipedia, I had the following games for this: 1080 Snowboarding, Goldeneye 64, Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Mario Kart 64, Perfect Dark, Super Mario 64, Wave Race 64, Operation: Winback, WipeOut 64 and, erm, WWF: No Mercy.

1080 Snowboarding, Operation: Winback and WWF: No Mercy never really grabbed me, though my brother and I had much fun hitting each other for hours (maybe). But brothers, eh? That’s what they DO! I never really played Goldeneye… yeah, that’s right! I wasn’t that into that kind of game back then, OK? Or very good when I tried them. I’m a roleplaying kid at heart, folks! That said, I gave Perfect Dark - which some of you may know is the sequel (of sorts) to Goldeneye - a chance; maybe it’s because it had an attractive redhead in it… and Elvis. Yes, Elvis was there! And Super Mario 64 is off the list because it’s platform and I had no sense of balance. Some might say I still don’t.

I loved WipeOut 64 - it introduced me to the wonders of high speed arcade racing and music like the marvellous Bang On! by Propellerheads - and was incredibly good at it or maybe I’m a bit deluded; it was a long time ago! So I’d choose it over the likes of Mario Kart 64 any day! And Wave Race 64 must be culled though it’s also a top-class racer with the multiple routes it presented and the sheer fun it gave me. Oh my, it’s tough to pick between the two LoZ games… I liked the time travel-ish aspect of OoT but I absolutely loved the same about MM as well as the use of masks – always a thing which needed much thought on my part; I liked that… challenge – and the sheer darkness of it which was so uncharacteristic of the series. This makes it my favourite LoZ game of all time.

I’d hug all this too, only it’s not real and, y’know, gravity would go a bit wonky if it were

And there you go, my most difficult retro choice to date. I simply cannot pick between Majora’s Mask and WipeOut 64. I can’t. Sorry (but not really).