Personally, there is one crowning glory amongst the rubble of changes. As far as I’m concerned you can take the Cloud storage, Beacons or Kinect voice recognition; it seems like poor Zoey had enough trouble with it for me to be that fussed and it would probably have trouble with my common as muck London accent anyway. No people, for me its about apps. Beautiful, addictive, ‘how-did-I-live-without-them’ apps!

LastFM, Facebook and Twitter have been around for a while, along with Zune, but thanks to the most recent update a whole new host of possibilities for Xbox 360 entertainment has been unleashed. For me personally, the biggest of these has to be YouTube, not only because it now means I can watch the millions of videos it has to offer (thank you to whoever put up the Masterchef series by the way!) but it means that Microsoft have finally matched a card played by Sony and Nintendo two years ago. Get with the program!

More like happy gamer and media consumer time!

One of the biggest debates will always be which console is the best and my opinion has always been that the 360 has certainly won the next-gen console war. Unfortunately a fatal flaw in my argument for the Xbox has always been its versatility; I would seriously like a quid for every time I’ve heard “But PlayStation 3 has a BluRay player!” – Bah I tell you!

Apps such as YouTube have not only brought the 360 up to speed, but finally make it a true entertainment console that will be incredibly hard to be matched. Add in the Kinect and you’re onto a winner. Give me iPlayer (later this year) and you have made one seriously happy camper!

The Xbox 360 is beginning to open up a whole world of possibilities for itself as it becomes a stronger, more all-round entertainment machine. My god, with all the TV and film in front of me I may never play a game again…

Yeah, right!? But it made me think it for a second and that, my friends, is seriously impressive!

One of my top games of 2011 so far (my ‘to play’ list is still rather long it has to be said) is Crysis 2. Stunning visuals, great controls, and an online multiplayer mode so captivating I’ve still yet to drag myself away from it to give the story mode a real go; Crysis 2 is almost a complete bag of goodness! Now I’m no stranger to glitches, I’ve ranted about it long enough with my peers on this site of ours goodness knows how many times, yet it still boggles my mind to think that when developers of a title can spend months doing great, great things to make you want to buy a game, they’re not prepared to do something very small to help you out once you’ve already forked out your dough.

If only achievement unlocking was as fun as the game...

Gamers, I am talking about Crysis 2’s achievement unlock ‘Dedication’ for playing online over a 6 month time span. Now, it’s a bit of sneaky if not clever one really as many gamers will undoubtedly get swept up in other titles over the space of half a year and, unless they have very little in their games collection that is new, will be very unlikely to still be playing it frequently enough to remember the achievement. Crysis 2 has, however, become a bit of an old faithful of mine; the game that I will happily shove into my CD tray every few weeks or so, batter some people online, go invisible for a bit and generally have a dandy time (apart from when I get my arse handed to me of course).

So you see, the dedication achievement was one that was quite clearly in the sights of my gaming buds and beau, and although we weren’t actively tracking it down, we figured ‘hey we’ll unlock it eventually’ as it needed little more than playing an online match 6 months after your first to unlock it. So, come October, when my pal NoNeilMoment was online, sure enough came that loveable sound of ‘bah-dink’ and he had been rewarded for his loyalty. Now, to say we have a bit of healthy competition between us is a little understated, but after the other half saw Neil had been graced with 25g that he hadn’t, the battle was on to get his share. In went the disc, up came a game, after a few minutes of online carnage he waited in anticipation… but no Crysis scented cigar.

Seems that the Dedication achievement has joined the club of glitching achievements, not uncommon but not really acceptable in the long run. After all, why offer an achievement if you’re not sure if your gamers will even get it? Needless to say there has been more than a few unhappy campers popping up all over the globe complaining about the lack of reward for their faithfulness to the game, along with a handful of similar complaints regarding other glitchy features.

Now my real gripe here is not so much with the glitch itself (they happen, let’s face it) but more-so the continued lack of response from EA and Crytek. To encourage people to stay faithful to a game and not trade in for the next big title is fine, to make mistakes or have programming not quite work can be resolved, but failure to address gamers’ problems, no matter how small, should never really be accepted by the people that play. It may be the case of 25g, but the ethics involved are much greater.

No doubt both companies will be happy to shove their next big titles down our screens as and when they become available, but to expect loyalty from your audience, but show no real ‘Dedication’ of your own to their experience is a little off. It’s nearly Christmas for goodness sake! Surely a fix could be put in people’s stockings by the 25th? After 2 months of online complaints, rants and in some cases spectacular hissy fits by irate gamers, it doesn’t look ho-ho-hopeful to have an official resolution any time soon!

*insert sad face and a new game into your console, I think we’re flogging a dead Rudolph here people!*

The reality of 'dedication' from Crysis 2

Those of you who have read the appendices found in the Return of the King will know that there was a lot more to the war against Sauron than Frodo and his chums. One of the main features eliminated from the three cinema monsters was a real understanding of just how far the evil of Middle Earth had spread. War in the North has finally started to utilize some of this goldmine by offering gamers the chance to experience some of the stories not yet explored through consoles.

First things first: graphically this game is pretty good mainly thanks to the endorsement by New Line Cinema and Warner Bros. Much of the visual style from Peter Jackson’s movies can be found gracing your screen, which is always going to be a bonus as it undoubtedly pulls on the strings of movie nostalgia. As a result, fans who are more film trilogy orientated than loyal to the books will appreciate the helping hand that Jackson’s Middle Earth gives in defining the culture of races and the locations which undoubtedly bring the game to life.

But let us not forget that beauty is only skin deep and while the game may look tastier than a pint at The Green Dragon in places, it takes a lot more than that to get my seal of approval. Initially the story begins as Aragorn awaits the arrival of the Hobbits in Bree. You begin as one of a trio of characters: Eredan, a fellow Dunedain Ranger of Aragorn, Andriel, an Elven Lore-Master and Farin, a Dwarf from the Lonely Mountain who, under Aragorn’s orders, are sent to the long abandoned fortress of Fornost to investigate rumours of a threat from Mordor causing unrest.

Snowblind have obviously taken care in providing some kind of ‘historical accuracy’ by setting it around battles and locations such as Mirkwood, Bree, the Barrowdowns and Rivendell (including some well known characters too!). Unfortunately the purist in me finds a problem with the fact that unlike games such as Lord of the Rings Online, your choice of character has little influence on the plot of the game as you are shoved together into a band of merry do-gooders from the get go.

The three warrior choices have hardly any back story that explains the bond between them, which not only impacts on the plot of the game, but also undermines the creation of the Fellowship in the novel (which on War of the North timescale, hasn’t even happened yet).

While most of you may sigh as to why this is a problem at all, the point is that people who are true fans of Lord of the Rings will find it very difficult to engage in a story that feels very bland in comparison to one of the greatest novels of all time. The three main characters are not only contradictory to the original story, but also make a big hole for your average RPG in terms of plot and emotional attachment as they offer next to none.

Dialogue between the trio and NPC’s met along the way has little in the way of variety and seemingly no influence on outcomes. When your target audience is going to be predominantly people that give more than an average crap about the story, this isn’t going to go down well!

The RPG elements are pretty basic, with levelling up providing access to new abilities along with lootable items and shops in many locations along the way. However, the individual characters show very little variation as the majority of combat is combined of X and Y button taps and unlocking special moves. They have mild preferences for certain combat styles, but the available upgrades on offer don’t quite cut it in the ‘customisable’ stakes.

The biggest disappointment of all, unfortunately, is its lack of absorbing game play. Initially I found myself quite excited at the prospect of sweeping down orcs, goblins and the odd cave troll. However, with limiting and repetitive controls, the fighting sequences of play soon becomes repetitive and monotonous. Combine this with the linear level styles and easy to complete side missions and you start to have a game with more holes than Shelob’s Lair.

On top of this the AI characters often wander off and do their own thing, despite the ability to issue them basic attack or defend commands, which makes me feel like it was pushed to be predominately co-operative. For a game that doesn’t do enough to really impress, I wonder how long people will really keep playing before finding co-op buddies online becomes a problem.

Jurassic Park is a landmark in film to most cinema goers on the planet, so needless to say it’s already had its fair share of video games to tie in with it. In this latest incarnation from Telltale Games, a new strand of storytelling is unleashed as we return to Isla Nublar and its prehistoric inhabitants.

Set in and around the original Jurassic Park movie, the plot of Jurassic Park: The Game jumps straight into the action as events on Dino Island are already kicking off. Initially you are introduced to Dr Jerry Harding (you know, the veterinarian  guy who was helping investigate Triceratops poo with Laura Dern in the movie) and his daughter who has come to visit. Despite feeling a bit familiar to Jeff Goldblum’s plot in The Lost World, the dynamic of the scenario does something to add tension between the characters in action situations; you’ve got to try and save your daughter from becoming T-Rex food after all, right? I mean, remember what happened to that chained up goat? Bad times!

Next you have a Spanish speaking mercenary, kind of like that gun-wielding, bandana-wearing chick from Aliens. My point is that despite mildly interesting traits, the characters don’t necessarily feel original, sound original, or particularly fit into the Jurassic Park scenario. It merely feels like a pic ‘n’ mix of cinema stereotypes crammed onto a dangerous island off Central America.

For the sake of nostalgia, the first couple of chapters in Episode 1 (this is a typical Telltale Episodic adventure after all!) bring you back to familiar surroundings. Firstly, we have the case of ‘What the hell happened to Dennis Nedry’s shaving foam can of dinosaur embryos after he got spat on by those flappy necked critters’, adventures between a Triceratops and its lunch, and a trip to the visitors center after the T-Rex missed out on having Sam Neill and co for lunch.

Unfortunately it doesn’t take long before what should be an exciting return to a tropical death trap turns into a frustrating and confusing series of clicks and manic tapping. It’s obvious from the outset that this game has been designed to feel more like Heavy Rain than something from a more classical point and click adventure that the Telltale Games team normally specialize in. The the lack of a character inventory does a lot of damage to the enjoyment factor for this very reason as there really isn’t anything more than  ‘click here to keep the story playing’ to the controls.

Forget scavenging for survival and escape, as Jurassic Park feels more like an interactive movie than an actual game. This wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing, but the big difference here is that games such as Heavy Rain were centered more around suspense and investigation rather than running away from prehistoric monsters. As a result the gameplay feels incredibly limiting as you mindlessly click your way through a storyline that doesn’t quite fit in anyway, without any real input or interaction, which is pretty much the point of playing a game!

On the flip-side, you are then faced with the games quick time events which are beyond frustrating. The concept of having timely direction button presses to outsmart dinosaur attacks should at least offer you some hope of completing them. The gold, silver and bronze scoring scheme for levels starts to take a hit during these sequences as the time frame for keying in directions, even for a fairly skilled button tapper like myself, is a bit too optimistic. Needless to say my patience for these sections drained as quickly as my death count rose and I soon lost any interest in my ’score’ after being eaten one too many times for a reason that didn’t really feel like my fault.

The really good feature of this game was the camera switch on levels. By selecting the islands different security camera angles as available views on the environment, you are able to quickly move from one area and character to another without having to navigate your character around obstacles to get there. This would really cut down the time in between sections of solving puzzles, if there were any real puzzles to solve in the first place, but at least its a feature that didn’t wind me up like the others and felt like a well integrated part of the design.

My bag of Lego blocks currently sits in the top of my wardrobe, awaiting a day where my nieces and nephew are old enough to play with it without sticking it up their nose or thinking it’s edible. Until recently my love of the toy had faded but not been forgotten as I had moved onto more sterner stuff in adulthood (hello Xbox!). But, what should come knocking on my console’s door? A whole series of Lego video games!

Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Batman, Pirates of the Caribbean; even my beloved Harry Potter has been Lego-sised! But now my friends, comes word of possibly the most EXCITING Lego franchise I could ever dream of!

LEGO HOBBIT!

I know, I nearly passed out from excitement too when I heard! I don’t need to remind you that I am a Tolkien fanatic, if you read my work often enough you will be sighing at yet another mention of all things Hobbitty, but on this you have to forgive me! Imagine a Lego Smaug, flying over a Lego Lonely Mountain, with Lego Dwarves, Hobbits and a Lego Precious and Gollum too!

With 14 months to go before I can see the first instalment of the next Peter Jackson Middle Earth epic, now I’m even dizzier with anticipation of getting my hands on a Lego version of The Hobbit movies too! With their quirky and humorous interpretations of the most loved adventure films, this is sure to be another classic to add to the growing collection of Lego games.

The only thing to help curb my excitement is that I will soon have my hands on Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7, and Lord of the Rings: War in the North to keep my Lego loving, hobbit obsessive busy until I can get my hands on it.

Is there anything that these guys can’t turn into comical bricks and action adventure? I sincerely hope not!

"Yo Gandalf, maybe it's my Lego Pipe Weed but where's your hat, man?"

]]> http://ready-up.net/2011/11/10/lego-las/feed/ 3 http://ready-up.net/reviews/bejeweled-3-2/ http://ready-up.net/reviews/bejeweled-3-2/#comments Wed, 02 Nov 2011 10:00:53 +0000 Loz http://ready-up.net/?page_id=45583 When a company like PopCap offer you a new game, you would have to be mad to turn it down. With a rich and exciting catalogue of games such as Plants vs. Zombies, Peggle and that blasted Zuma (relive my nightmare, if you dare) you can pretty much guarantee a game worthy of a few hours play at the very least. Gasp, then, at my initial response to the prospect of Bejeweled 3:

“Really? Another one?”

Needless to say for the sake of giving our trusted readers the real scoop, I’ve delved into yet another gem blasting frenzy to see what’s really up with the latest incarnation of Bejeweled.

Don’t be fooled by the number ‘3’ glaring at you from this game’s title. Technically speaking we are now up to game five of the Bejeweled franchise, if you include the Facebook version of Bejeweled Blitz as a standalone game. It’s no real surprise that a puzzle addict like me then starts to wonder how much of any further titles will be development of the game as opposed to riding the bandwagon of its popularity.

Bejeweled 3 is, very simply, other Bejeweled games with a lot of novelty and some bells on. Alongside the ‘Classic’ Mode (as if anyone actually still plays that, right?) you can now play in a multitude of additional rounds such Zen, Lightning and Quest in Standard Mode. Zen is really a rehash of Endless mode, with some supposedly soothing music to ease your aura while you play. If you ask me, the chances of me not feeling any stress while hyper cubes are exploding in front of my eyeballs is pretty unlikely, but ho hum.

Quest mode is fairly interesting and its objectives can be quite challenging. The idea is simply that eight rounds of puzzle modes have to be completed to unlock the next stage. Most of the puzzle modes can feel a little anti-climatic after a while, but there is definitely one little corker that I could see making its way to our Facebook pages soon: Bejeweled Poker. The challenge is simply to create the best possible poker hand you can. Cards are made by destroying gems, and then represent the colour of the blocks smashed. After five cards are created, your hand is judged by standard poker combinations such as two-four of a kind, Full House and a Flush. Points are awarded depending on the skill of your hand and it’s actually incredibly addictive especially when unlocked as a standalone mode in the main menu.

The most worthy mode from the entire collection, however, is the new Lightning round. I say ‘new’, as it is really Bejeweled Blitz with a few tweaks. Blitz was made during the development of Bejeweled 3 and the similarities are blatantly obvious for all to see. The challenge of scoring as many points as you can remains, however the time limit can now be increased by lining up bonus gems to receive a few precious seconds more. The more you increase the time, the more points you can score, with points multipliers awarded for achieving a ‘Blazing Speed’. Thus Lightning round is born. For a Blitz beast such as myself, it was great to get a real development on this mode for an even greater challenge.

While playing Bejewelled 3 via Xbox Live Arcade, I couldn’t help but wonder how much more fun modes such as Lightning would be on PC with the aid of a mouse. Let’s face it, valuable time for matching gems is wasted with the limited use of a controller. More importantly, I then began to wonder what kind of score I could rack up against my friends on Facebook if given the chance. I never said my gaming ethics were pretty, and the social networking site and iPhone app have given the game a great lease of life; just Google the demands for the android equivalent and you will see its popularity in play!

Imagine my horror then, to discover that when going online even after nearly three years of fast action, survival horror, many people still seem to make noob mistakes. As the self-proclaimed resident ‘Zombie Fantatic‘ at Ready Up, I have come to the conclusion that it is my duty to help my gaming peers prepare for another undead apocalypse by listing my top 10 dos and don’ts in Zombie Warfare. Forget Zombieland rules; this isn’t for survival, this is for winning!

#1: Plan Your Route – Whether you’re in a creepy old mansion, shopping mall, or a tropical island get-away, Zombies can and will pop up from anywhere. Bathtubs, cupboards or a tunnel of love – anywhere is a potential feeding ground. Your best chance of making it from A – B is strategically plotting your way through your location. Hordes of zombies can turn any trip from fun to nightmare within a matter of seconds so always watch your back, try not to attract unwanted attention and always listen out for the sound of trouble. Don’t be afraid to divert for health or food though, those extra few bars will save you in the end!

#2 : Don’t Be A Hero – As much as it’s great to go running in guns blazing, going off on a solo mission in games like Left 4 Dead will soon get you labelled a numpty. The slightest pounce from a hunter or licking from a smoker will have you in-capped quicker than you can say pipe-bomb. Rather than take the risk, never travel in anything less than a duo to ensure you can fight off any special infected – especially in multi-player. I, for one, will not be dropping my gas can to come rescue your ass!

#3: Know your enemies – Most recent zombie games are not shy of their own brands of super infected with extra special talents to get you deader, quicker. The key to killing them first is knowing where their limits lie. Learning how to knock away a Hunter, or what weapons target Gas-Zombies is invaluable, especially if playing online. If you’re playing as a zombie, make sure you know your strengths; whacking a trapped survivor can sometimes let them escape so know when you can help and when you should leave a team mate to take someone down solo!

#4: Never Underestimate The Power Of A Spiked Bat – you may think its cool and fun to run around with a chainsaw or light saber knock off, but serious zombie killers will never go for gloss over bloody glory. A weapon such as a spiked bat or defiler (axe and sledge hammer) will have a far higher damage ratio for its life span, as well as being more streamlined for quick use. Unless you’re going for an achievement, always reach for the old faithfuls.

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!

#5: Reload – There is nothing more terrifying or embarrassing than being faced with a horde of infected only to hear the click of an empty mag. Time is precious when the undead are trying to eat your arm off, so always be sure to reload whenever you get a second of peace. A full clip is a happy clip, and those extra few bullets could save you from disaster!

#6: Don’t Spend All Your Load At Once – Despite what Zombieland will tell you, you should always go sparingly on ammo. A blasting automatic shotgun may feel awesome to fire, but you’ll wish you’d saved some rounds by using your unlimited pistols when a tank wants to play catch with your face.  Don’t be afraid to go nuts with unlimited ammo firearms such as dual pistols and save those precious higher end bullets for when it really counts.

Don't even think about it, Jill

#7: A Pain Pill A Day Keeps The Zombies Away – You know the drill. You’ve left the confines of safety for mere minutes, and already a swipe has got your health into the yellow. That shiny health pack in your inventory looks oh so pretty but don’t let the idea of 90+ health tempt you into healing too soon. The good survivor will know that the need to fully heal can be prevented for a few more attacks, so instead of using precious health or food that may save you entirely before the end of the level, go for nothing more than a quick fix until your leg starts to hang off! Those in Willamette or Fortune City should also master the blender drink combos!

#8: No Big Badda-boom – It may feel like explosives such as pipe bombs or molotovs are easy to come by, but tactical use of side arms should never be underestimated, especially in single player! Fire is undoubtedly your best friend, especially when used correctly. Special Infected in most zombie games are much more quickly dispersed with the use of a Molotov so don’t just throw them away on a small batch of brain eaters, especially in finale levels; always save them for the big guys!

That's the way to do it: zombie gore Punch and Judy style!

#9: Know When To Witch Hunt - I know how tempting it is to go looking for the freaky madam when you hear that recognisable moan in the distance, but if truth be told, taking down a witch is nothing short of a waste of health unless you can’t progress without getting her out of the way. If you really must, use a shotgun to the face at close range as she’s getting up (on normal difficulty!) and you should take her down in 2 shots; on expert she will probably be tea-bagging your dead face unless you’re 3 miles away.

#10: Don’t Panic! – More often than not, most in-caps come from silly mistakes rather than the skill of the undead. Whether it’s relentlessly trying to pour a gas can into a generator while you’re getting pummelled or spat at, or setting your team mates on fire, just remember everything you have learned, take a breath and bat the undead away like hell – and you just might make it!

You have the tools, now fly my zombie-killing pretties, fly!

You are on Dead Island, the once luscious get-away of Banoi turned bananas in this FPS survival horror. There has been a lot of hype about this game in recent months, primarily thanks to a stunning movie-style trailer. Considering this game was originally announced to be in development five years ago, it was quite remarkable that people were so willing to dust off the cobwebs and pay attention, but seeing a little girl trying to eat peoples’ brains out will probably do that for you!

The only trouble there is that when you finally put the game in your console, you’ve hyped yourself up to expect the greatest title of all time to jump back out at you. Unfortunately, in reality you find a mish-mash of astounding games from the past three years, in a not so perfect, but undeniably ‘decent’ game.

From the get-go, Dead Island is like a gaming equivalent of a buffet table at a Gordon Ramsey restaurant, with a greatest hits of gaming styles on offer. The opening moments of the game feel incredibly like a not-so-under-water Bioshock, in style, graphics and controls. This is by no means a bad thing, as obviously Bioshock is one of the standout titles on next-gen consoles.

Graphically, the game is very attractive, and if it wasn’t for the undead swarming around the pool, I’d be tempted to book a package deal with Thomas Cook tomorrow. The playable area is huge and thanks to the main and sub missions, exploring the island doesn’t feel like a chore, despite the frustrating vehicle controls and views which are often required to travel from one part of the island to another!

Next on the menu is the combat system. This one takes a lot from Dead Rising, with weapon building components and even a workbench table to create them. Running on a blueprints system, the need to explore the island is essential to find the best weapon plans and the items needed to build them,  and once in hand, a whole host of limb slicing, bone crunching weaponry is at your disposal in beautiful bloody horror; this game definitely got its gore content right!

The four characters available all come with their own combination of upgradable weapon preferences and ‘Fury Skills’ (much like Borderlands!) so there is a definite lure of multiple run throughs to experience all that the individual characters have to offer. There is also the option for online four player co-op, and after running into some seriously beefy zombie ‘Thugs’, the appeal of getting a helping hand became more and more attractive! Once playing with others, the real survival element seems to feel more prominent and much more fun.

With each character as one of the only four people immune to the zombie virus on the island, much of the campaign is split in search and rescue missions for items and survivors, but like games of a similar genre, they rarely feel repetitive, mainly due to the threat of undead charging at you with a moment’s notice. The zombies themselves also offer an array of challenges depending on the particular classification (including walkers, infected, rams and butchers), who all level up alongside the characters.

The game overall offers some very enjoyable play time and also creates a good dosage of atmosphere despite the bright and sunny setting. As with most games, it does have its frustrations such as minor glitches and unclear mission directions which can often leave you in the middle of beaches scratching your head as you’re not quite sure exactly what it expects you to do. Once you find your groove, you begin to appreciate what the game has to offer, and with such a large island to explore, you’re sure to have hours of blood thirsty fun, regardless of where it got all its ideas from.

With a bit more consideration to the greater whole rather than the elements of gameplay that work well on their own, Dead Island could have been a scorcher. Unfortunately it feels like Techland spent far too much time blending the best ingredients from a variety of games instead of finding Dead Islands individual identity and being bold enough to make a real statement of its own that would be remembered for years to come.

*drool* *money leaks from wallet*

One of the many side effects that go along with my gaming habit (among others) is my love of collectibles. If money was no object my inner geek would quite happily spend its days in Forbidden Planet buying figurines, comics and anything with ‘Limited Edition’ stamped on it. Although I have managed to curb my expenses for this habit as much as I can, when it comes to games (and especially RPG’s) there is one thing I cannot do without: strategy guides.

It’s a bit of a tricky area really as although it’s not necessarily a ‘collectible’ it’s a part of my collection that often gets picked up before the game does.

It all started with Final Fantasy 7. I originally bought a second hand copy in Cash Converters what now seems like many moons ago and naturally I was soon hooked! It wasn’t until somewhere near the beginning of Disc 2 that I started to get myself incredibly frustrated with the notion of Materia and how to properly equip it. Back in those days there was no Gamefaqs.com or the like, so there was only one thing for it – down I trundled to the shopping centre and scoured the shelves for a game guide. Thankfully I found a copy of the Brady Games book and I instantly fell in love with it, and them!

Thank Jenova for this beauty!

Not only did their guide give me a much better insight into how to equip my items and collectibles with more ease and skill, but it gave me everything I needed to know about ANYTHING in the world of Final Fantasy 7. Another aspect of my adoration was the artwork, and I instantly began copying images and stills from the game… when I wasn’t clocking up hours of playing the actual game of course.

And so my obsession with the strategy guide was born, but… there is another tricky problem.

Where exactly does this lie in the eyes of cheating? Undoubtedly I am getting help, but I also believe that unless you are going out of your way to bring something out of the games coding that isn’t naturally there (hello extra life/weapon unlockers, I’m looking your way!) are you really cheating your way through a game?

To come to terms with my potential guilt, I’ve decided to look upon my Final Fantasy guide collection as merely ‘Gaming Sat Navs’. Would I have continued my journey through Final Fantasy 7 if I hadn’t got my map out? I’m more inclined to think I would have turned around and gone home, no matter how excited I was about where I was going. As a result I have undergone far more journeys than I thought I would, because I feel like something is there to nudge me in the right direction as and when I need it, and even take me on some scenic detours along the way to pick up ultimate weapons and ribbons.

Some may argue that my experiences are tainted, but am I any less in love with the games? Not on your Nelly! Have I ended up playing multiple times because the experience was so gratifying, thorough and not entirely frustratingly difficult to figure out? Definitely! I’ve seen all there is to see in my Final Fantasy collection (multiple times!) and wouldn’t change my experience for the world. There is a reason these games don’t have difficulty settings; it’s not how much of a struggle you had to get to the end but the exciting journey you had getting there that makes you take it again and again. And you even get to look at the pretty pictures!

That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!

I bring you the X-Box File

Sounds like the plot of a great game, but it’s actually from Terminator 2: Judgement Day; chuckle all you may but it’s a damn good film. We may have passed the date that the film’s fictional computer system, Skynet, was due to become self aware and start a nuclear holocaust against mankind by some 13 years, but the rapid advancement of technology is only a matter of time away from allowing such a fate to become a possible reality.

Less than a handful of decades ago, people may have predicted flying cars or extra-terrestrial war, but they also envisioned microwaves, laptops and mobile phones. Last week, we saw another glimpse into the immediate future of technology via the E3 Expo and the latest developments in gaming that will utilise hardware such as Kinect for Xbox 360, the PlayStation Move and the new handheld, PS Vita.

Now before I go completely ‘Mulder’ on all of you, let me just say I was sat down in front of my PC streaming coverage from the multiple conferences, getting all giddy just like the rest of you, particularly during Microsoft’s presentation. YouTube and Bing Search features through my Xbox 360 dashboard? Bring it on! And I’m hopeful that live TV streaming will be as available in Europe as it will inevitably be in the States.

During the 6 years that the 360 has been sitting in our homes, we have become used to the constant updates and downloads that are forever fine tuning our beloved consoles and the interface that lets us use them. When it came to Kinect however, I’ve been a little… reserved, in my judgements.

Initial reports of needing a living room the size of Buckingham Palace (okay maybe not that big) in order to use it properly, put me off wanting to waste money on a piece of hardware I couldn’t use to its full potential. The sceptic in me also wondered why Microsoft were still neglecting to release an official USB mouse to use with titles such as Civilization or FPS games, and were putting all of their eggs into the motion camera basket instead.

The answer: it seems you can do much more with Kinect than you could a mouse and keyboard — go figure! Going back to last Monday evening, my mouth dropped open in disbelief during the Ghost Recon: Future Soldier segment of the 360 conference. Through voice recognition and hand movement alone, handyman Chris demonstrated the potential of the Kinect to completely control the interface of the game from stripping a weapon into pieces, to test-running sights in a shooting range; we are no longer that far removed from the interactive displays seen in the likes of Star Wars or Star Trek: The Next Generation. Seeing Kinect used in what I would call a hardcore game, rather than a novelty dance title for example, seemed to give it some serious credibility.

Later in the session, we were shown another of Kinect’s new abilities when it came to reading the environment around it. Using the Kinect camera, our Xbox 360s will now be able to perform ‘People Scanning’, picking up individual details such as our faces, clothing, body type, even our hairstyle, and creating a digital replica for our avatars. Smiling Abigail Lee paraded in front of the crowd, and thousands watching at home declaring that it will even detect our eye colour. Eye colour? Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that the camera is strong enough to pick that up? Then it hit me.

If this is what they’re willing to tell us it can do, what could they not be telling us? Imagine a peripheral that not only detected what shoe you were wearing that day, but what brand of soft drink was sitting on your table, or what DVDs were in your collection on the shelves behind you? If it can detect whether you have blue or brown eyes, who’s to say (in time) that it couldn’t also give you a detailed retinal scan while dancing to Bananarama like an 80s throwback, or sum you up for army potential by judging your physical stance, aim and athleticism while playing Ghost Recon? Microsoft being the giants they are certainly would have a rather large library of stats on all of us when over 55 million consoles have been sold worldwide…

My god it’s a monster! And calling it People Scanning isn’t helping my paranoia, Microsoft!

You won't be smiling if my theories are correct, love!

My point is, while it is so easy to be in awe of technology that is revolutionising the games industry, we are slowly but surely getting to a point where the science fiction of our childhood is having an obvious development path in our present. Call me paranoid, but if my grandparents had seen Kinect when they were young, they would have thought it was alien. Maybe that’s what they uncovered in Roswell in 1947: a Kinect and iPhone 5! Is it so strange to wonder where this could all be heading?

What we are seeing now is nothing short of a leap in gaming; how long will it be until we see the leap for mankind that features killer cyborgs, government tabs and maybe even hoverboards (conspiracy theories also need a bit of fun!)? One thing’s for sure, our favourite games companies will only show us what they want us to see, but the possibilities of what is being developed behind closed doors is endless. You might consider me paranoid now but bring on E3 2021; I might just be saying I told you so!

Kinect 1000 aka a Microsoft X-Terminator

Two months ago I was given a review copy of PopCap Greatest Hits Volume 2, a nifty collection of four of the company’s corking games. I’d experienced three of its titles (Feeding Frenzy 2, Plants vs Zombies and Heavy Weapon) in some shape or form before, but when it came to Zuma, I was a noob. I’d seen adverts for Zuma Blitz pop up on Facebook when indulging myself in Bejewelled but I’d never got as far as clicking on the Aztec frog smiling at me to actually see what it was all about.

So there I was, with my PopCap collection gleaming at me through the TV, armed and ready to give it a go for the sake of our readers. I efficiently knocked down the initial stages of coloured balls for an hour or so, and was left fairly satisfied but not overly gripped by what it had to offer; I believe my review stated that it was ‘by no means dull… probably the least addictive of the four’.

And that is where my mistake crept in.

Before receiving the review I was playing Dragon Age: Origins and for the first time in a long while, I was feeling less than motivated to complete the overly complicated, ‘I wanna be an MMO’ mess that I found it to be. On the top of my stack of yet-to-finish games was Zuma. It was uncomplicated, colourful, and didn’t require five minutes of dialogue skipping just to get back into a fight that I would ultimately lose; it sounded like a plan.

In my Zuma naivety, I assumed I could probably take an evening or two to complete it, and then hand back Dragon Age to finish off Silent Hill Homecoming instead. How wrong could I be…

Don't be fooled, the frog isn't always smiling.

After week one, I’d managed to progress to level 6 and had begun to wonder if there would be no end to how many new coloured balls would be added onto my trail…

By the end of week two, I had managed to claw my way to level 8, and started to feel like a bit of a numpty for not completing what appeared to be a simple game, much more quickly…

Week three and it started to become infuriating. I Googled how many damn levels there were to Zuma and it said 13. I gave up on Dragon Age completely and officially declared war on the Aztec Frog and his coloured balls of doom, unlocking the achievement for 20 hours game play in the process. Oh dear.

During week four, Mark, among others, had begun to notice that my Zuma obsession was getting rather tense and was still unsuccessful. I raged onwards, clawing my way to level 12. I should have packed a tent because it was going to be a long stay.

Week five and I was still on level 12, barely able to scrape past three rounds. The Snooker World Championship started and, unlike other years where I had taken a keen interest, I couldn’t watch for longer than five minutes without wanting to smash the coloured balls through my TV screen with a mallet.

During week six most nights became full of expletives declaring myself nothing less than a raving, effing idiot for not being able to finish the damn thing. The low point came when, in a moment of genius, I plotted to take advantage of the auto-save feature to jump back in to a higher round if it all went sour. After quitting to the menu I accidentally pressed New Game and had to start from scratch… my TV almost had a controller through it, again.

The start of May kicked off week seven and it had been one of non-gaming achievements. I’d worked on filming and editing a short movie for a United Nations project, raised £400 for Cancer Research by taking part in Race for Life and I started to take control of my dog phobia by befriending the new family puppy, Ruby. If it was going to happen, it would be now.

With a bottle of Corona and a bar of Galaxy Cookie Crumble by my side I took it on. I battled through rounds 1-4 with relative confidence; round 5 as ever proved to be the toughie with its double tracked challenge. Round 6 only claimed one of my lives and finally, after weeks of trying, and to my absolute horror and disgust, I finally finished Zuma with a life spare.

The air turned blue. Seven weeks of obsession and hell and within the space of 15 minutes I finished it all.

$*%&^*£ ZUMA!

So here I am, openly asking to amend a statement.

Zuma: It may not appear to be much at first, but if you let it, it will consume you with a fiery gaming love/hate relationship and take over your console for weeks. It will eat away your soul trying, but there won’t be much better than finally having that achievement pop up on your Gamerscore knowing you finally kicked the Aztec Frog in the ass.

Lozzy 1 – Zuma 0

Nokia N-Gage

Back in 2003 Nokia decided that if people were going to play games while on their mobile phone, they should be able to have an array of titles bigger than Snake. As a result they created the Nokia N-Gage, a mobile phone with supposedly ‘serious’ video game capabilities. While the concept now seems obvious while we walk around on mobile phones with thousands of games applications at our fingertips, even a matter of years ago technology and design limited the capability and popularity of the N-Gage to a disastrous level.

The average feeling of an N-Gage owner

Unfortunately, Nokia’s design team couldn’t quite decide if the phone aspect of the device should come secondary to its gaming capabilities. As a result they created a Frankenstein’s monster of a mobile phone that had buttons that felt completely backward to game with, while making you look like some kind of jackass holding a shoe to their head when you answered calls.

The N-Gage, even with its very limited game catalogue, did spot a gaping hole the in the mobile phone meets hand held console market. Fast forward eight years and a large number of us are flicking birds into wood and concrete on our handsets. Ultimately it took development in technology and a much smarter company to tie all the ends together and let us game and talk on the move while not looking like fools doing it!

Sega Game Gear

The Sega Game Gear can only be described as a console that should have been huge, but didn’t really live up to scratch. Designed to be a portable Sega Master System, the Game Gear was created to rival the Nintendo Game Boy which had been a huge commercial success for almost two years by the time the Sega-made alternative hit shelves. Unlike the dominant Game Boy, the Game Gear had several technological advantages.

Firstly the console played in colour! While the Game Boy had opted for a monochrome display, the Game Gear hit the market like a Technicolor rainbow. Although less popular colour display hand helds such as the Atari Lynx had already hit shelves, the notion of a portable Master System could not be ignored.

Secondly, the screen was back-lit, allowing gamers to play in dark rooms without desperately trying to angle the screen towards a light source to play! Alongside this, Sega had opted to design the console to be played horizontally (compared to the Game Boy’s vertical design), which would have made the configuration of the Game Gear much more spacious and comfortable to play, if it hadn’t been so damned huge!

The downside to the Game Gear was the incredibly short battery life. While the market leading Game Boy could last from 10-14 hours on only 4 AA batteries, the Game Gear required six every three hours; the cost of colour is pricey, my friends! As a result many gamers felt increasingly frustrated with the high consumption rate of the console, leaving Game Boy to become the hand held device of choice for many, especially for long trips with kids in tow!

In short, the Game Gear came close, but not close enough, to fully understanding the demands of portable gaming. Pretty colours just don’t cut it if you can only get down the road before you need to stop at Woolworths to get some more batteries!

Atari Lynx

The most noticeable feature of the Atari Lynx was its ability to claim the title of ‘first colour display hand held console’. With a heading like that to its name you would assume the console would have had a much happier end than the fate it succumbed to; unfortunately the back story behind the Lynx is one full of bad mistakes and unfortunate timing.

The Atari Lynx began production around the same time as the Nintendo Game Boy in the late 1980’s. Boasting a colour LCD display and a reversible design that suited both right and left handed players, the Lynx was definitely a console with potential, on paper at least. In reality, a company the size of Atari could not compete with the likes of Nintendo and even Sega later on in its lifespan, particularly due to the limits of its games catalogue.

The Lynx was outshone by rival companies from day one, even at its first unveiling at the 1989 CES showcase. A colour handheld with a few potentially good games and a retail value of $180 just couldn’t look as fresh and exciting as a Nintendo made console with the likes of Super Mario Land and Tetris under its wing at half the price. One of the final nails in the coffin was Atari’s inability to supply its potential demand on the market upon release, leaving many people once again turning to Nintendo when they couldn’t find an Atari Lynx in stock; even when they were prepared to pay good money for one.

Despite revamping efforts to rejuvenate the console, Atari’s luck was always caught short. Yet another example of how bigger and better doesn’t always equal success.

The original Neo Geo Pocket

Neo Geo Pocket/Pocket Colour

Meet the Neo Geo Pocket, a hand held console released by arcade giants SNK in 1998 that had the almighty life span of *drum roll please*… one year! You would think that being the descendant of a games company responsible for classic titles such as Fatal Fury, Puzzle Bobble and King of Fighters would give it some leverage, but unfortunately despite its good breeding the Neo Geo was born among giants.

At a time where hype surrounding video games consoles was primarily directed towards the Sony PlayStation, Nintendo 64 and the upcoming Sega Dreamcast, the hand held console arena had begun to plateau. The market had been solidly dominated by the Nintendo Game boy for just short of a decade, and was starting to get whispers of a new model in the Game Boy Advance being in production. The original Neo Geo Pocket was behind before it hit shelves, particularly due to its monochrome display, and was soon scrapped to make way for the Neo Geo Pocket Colour.

The updated Neo Geo Pocket Colour

SNK, however, did have the potential to compete at a strong level, and although listed here as a failure, can arguably be described the best of the flops. Initial sales were strong, particularly in North America and in terms of units sold was the biggest rival to the Game Boy next to the Sega Game Gear.

Unfortunately, SNK were a company in financial trouble, and a moderately successful hand held console did little to retrieve them from imminent doom. By 2000 they were bought out by Aruze, who soon put a stop to production on all SNK Neo Geo consoles due to poor reception and sales. Given a little more financial backing and support the Neo Geo could have grounded itself enough to be classed as notably successful, however it wasn’t meant to be.

Gizmondo

Ladies and gentlemen, please do not put your hands together for what is officially known as the worst selling hand held console in the history of gaming – the Gizmondo!

Spawning from virtually unknown company Tiger Telematics, the Gizmondo was released in 2005 to a dead reception. Launched from a store in London’s Regent Street, the fate of the Gizmondo was obvious from the start. Tiger Telematics were a company living the dream, assuming that gamers would blindly invest in a console that had little credibility with no solid advertising campaign bar an overly glossy launch party with over-paid celebrities endorsing the product before a penny of profit was made.

The company’s poor knowledge and lack of respect for the industry was supported with less than 25,000 unit sales of the device, primarily due to its lack of development and poor availability, particularly in North America. Unsurprisingly Tiger Telematics were bankrupted within a year citing ‘development costs for the Gizmondo and non-cash expenses’ as the main cause of financial strain.

Ms Minogue you really don't add anything to the credibility of the Gizmondo. Do you even know what a video game is?

Little about the console was groundbreaking. Two variations of the console were available, the only difference being the cheaper of the two devices displayed advertisements on the Gizmondo’s home page via a GPRS signal to subsidize the cost of the console. Despite the planning of the advertising system, (including a built in map application that would direct console owners to the nearest stores offering the advertised products) the ‘Smart-Adds’ application was never initiated, allowing buyers of the cheaper console to be left with exactly the same console as those who had (if at all) invested in the more expensive machine.

The Gizmondo in many respects was influenced by the Nokia N-Gage, implementing mobile telephone technology to add features to the design and despite its failure, did boast the first in-built camera for a hand held console. However Tiger Telematics should have learned more from the N-Gage lesson in that if a successful dominator of the mobile market couldn’t make it work, a small-manned operation with no real knowledge of the games industry and a penchant for buying things they couldn’t afford would undoubtedly flop quicker than SuBo on a diving board…

And they did!

That, my friends, concludes the top 10 devices (console and hand held) that you really shouldn’t have bothered owning. In retrospect most consoles have their part to play (even the Gizmondo!) in opening someone’s mind to a newer, better and more evolved machine that will take our gaming world into even headier heights of wonder. They say you always learn from your mistakes, and judging by this bunch we have a lot of lessons behind us!

Coming soon Epic Wins: Games consoles that changed the World

Read Epic Fails Part 1: Consoles

My hero! ♥

I am a zombie fanatic.

Fact.

I love zombie movies, books, legend and of course zombie games. My fascination with the undead was, in fact, ignited by Resident Evil back in 1996 and since then, I haven’t looked back.

Capcom’s zombie exploits tuned into a part of me that soon craved that feeling of fear and excitement that only survival horror could satisfy and, for many a year, fed that insatiable desire frequently and with a bang.

The sequels and prequels spawned from the original Resident Evil title were (bar a few exceptions) incredible. Resident Evil 3, surprisingly for many, has always been my favourite. I don’t know why but Nemesis, with his scary “STTAAARRSSS” growl and rocket launcher in tow, not only gave me heart attacks while playing, but also kinda made me love him for it. He was Resident Evil incarnate; the mutated biological threat that could show up any time, any place and leave your bloody remains smeared on a darkened alley wall while you were innocently looking for a hexagonal crank… amazing!

By 2002 and with the release of Resident Evil 0 on the Nintendo Game Cube, the franchise was now six years old. Gamers were beginning to tire with the increasingly familiar style of play, although still desperately in love with the series. Enter Resident Evil reborn in an entirely redesigned, rethought out version of the original title for the Game Cube including superior graphics, new puzzles and upgraded weapons and tactics that became a shining beacon that screamed ‘Resident Evil we love you!’ (are you listening, Square Enix, your remade versions of Final Fantasy 7 and 8 are loooong overdue!)

Old to new; the Resident Evil remake was nothing short of masterful!

A part of this overwhelming rehash for Resident Evil was the introduction of the Crimson Head.

*Insert white jacket, spectacle wearing, science Loz*: Also known as V-ACT, the ‘Crimson Head’ hyper-zombies are infected with particular strains of the original T-Virus which continue to mutate the victim after the initial zombification process. The evolution from undead to crimson head can continue even after supposed death from injury, unless the spinal column is severed (through being shot or stabbed in the head) or the body is cremated.

The result of this particular infection while active results in hypertension within the construct of the victim (high blood pressure) giving the body its flushed-red demeanour. Other side effects also include increased strength, agility, aggression towards other life forms and amplified defences against most weapons. In scientific terms: RUN LIKE HELL! Here endeth the zombie lesson.

In short, the Crimson Head zombie was the link between progression of the series through possible viral strains, unknown threats and biological experiments by the Umbrella Corporation while remaining true to the franchise. Imagine my shock when loading up Resident Evil 4 some three years later when I was greeted with the information that Umbrella as we knew it was dead. Bankrupted by a government investigation into the company’s secret activities, all known development of the T-Virus had been disbanded.

Las Plagas? You can Las shove-off!

What the fu–!

The U-turn from the potential direction of the series, to a completely new and unknown biological threat of ‘Las Plagas’, confused and even angered fans. The survival horror aspect of Resident Evil that had engrossed so many had been stripped from its very foundations and replaced by a parasite that didn’t even zombify its victims. Pathetic! Although the game play of both Resident Evil 4 and 5 was enjoyable in its own right and had many interesting features, it undoubtedly sent the franchise in a direction that felt alien to its roots.

No one can deny that the series needed a little shake up, but with such massive potential at its fingertips, the new action styled game play disappointed many who had grown to love the survival horror elements of the game. This tang of regret was only fuelled further in recent years by the release of games such as Left4Dead and even Dead Space; although both different takes on the survival horror genre they undoubtedly showed the gaming world that it was still possible to do new and scary at once when it came to the undead.

After completing Resident Evil 5 and its expansion packs, like many gamers my mind began to wonder if the series could ever return to its style of years gone by after so much had happened and other games had clearly pulled off the transition to next gen style gaming. Would the Las Plagas ever give way to the bounty of horror wealth beneath the surface of the T-Virus that still waited to be uncovered and explored?

A few weeks ago while checking Twitter I noticed that Capcom had officially announced another title in the series. A part of me almost didn’t feel interested until I saw the title – Resident Evil: Operation Racoon City.

Now this is more like it!

Wait a minute, Racoon City? But that’s before Las Plagas, when the streets were lined with zombies wanting to rip off your face and eat your brains; when it was scary and fun! According to the initial information, the game will be a third-person shooter that takes place during the time scale of Resident Evil 2 and Nemesis, from the perspective of two opposing Special Tactics units acting outside the roles of Leon, Claire and Jill from the original games. Most interestingly the events for both teams can affect the known outcome of the previous storylines of older Resident Evil games… if there was ever a chance to rewrite history into how it should have been made, it’s now, gamers!

Until further information is released, your undead correspondent is signing off for now, leaving you with this first taster at what is to come later in 2011. Until next time zombie-lovers.

Click here to view the embedded video.

In the past 10 years the American company has gone from strength to strength, developing games available for pretty much any electronic device you can think of. They currently distribute over 40 original games, a large number of which are probably known by even the least likely of people. Even my Mum has been known to dabble in a bit of Bejewelled on her Facebook, and she only just about knows how to log in!

The fact is that PopCap know how to mix a perfect blend of elements to make extremely addictive gaming that appeals to a wide audience and in a very short space of time have released games that can undoubtedly be called ‘classics’. Many of these titles have graced Xbox Live Arcade and PlayStation Network, but are now being packaged on disc for those who are mad enough to have not tried them yet, the latest being PopCap Hits: Vol 2.

Like its predecessor Vol 1, PopCap Hits offers a collection of four popular PopCap titles. This incarnation includes Feeding Frenzy 2: Shipwreck Showdown, Heavy Weapon, Zuma and the almighty Plants Vs Zombies. If you are unfamiliar with any of these games, where the hell have you been? Chances are your average gamer will have experienced at least one of these titles, but fans of the developer will more than likely be interested in experiencing games that they haven’t tried so far for the relatively cheap price of £17.99.

Feeding Frenzy 2: Shipwreck Showdown picks up from where the original title left off with lots of fish munching on each other on the bottom of the ocean. Over the space of 60 levels in single player (multi-player options are also available), you will take the role of a variety of fishy friends, where your main aim is to eat other fish in order to grow bigger. As you progress through levels a variety of obstacles come your way, including larger predators such as sharks, mines and jellyfish. Your little finned pal can gobble power ups as well as marine life, all with their own array of abilities which, as the difficulty of the levels increases, become more and more necessary.

Heavy Weapon transports you from sea to land in this fast-paced and hectic side scrolling shooter. You play as an armoured tank with the sole purpose of fighting off a communist army invasion with your variety of attacks. Like many scrolling shooters of a similar style, the ability to survive lies heavily on your capability to keep your eyes on everywhere at once, with attacks coming from all angles, boss levels and depending on which option of play you choose, a very limited number of lives!

Zuma slows down the action, kind of, in this colourful puzzle quest. Similar to styles of games like Puzzle Bobble, you have to eliminate coloured balls by creating groups of each colour before the moving trail of balls reaches the end of the line. Imagine Mission Impossible’s opening sequence with a multicoloured necklace instead of a counting down fuse and you can kind of imagine the predicament at hand. While the game is by no means dull, it is probably the least addictive of the four, which is fine, as you will probably be far too occupied with foliage, fish or mortar attacks flying above your head!

Plants Vs Zombies… is there anything more I can say? Very much like Peggle from PopCap Hits Vol. 1, this is undoubtedly the star if the show. Based on tower defence style play, Plant Vs Zombies is pretty much that! You have an array of plant themed attack and defence mechanisms at your disposal which increase in variety as levels progress. Each item has a price, and you have to earn cash in order to build up your organic army and survive wave upon wave of undead attacks on your garden. Simple? Not quite. If it wasn’t a hell of a lot of fun you could end up throwing your controller at the screen, and even if you did you would still go back for more. This addition to the collection will make it a real bargain as Plants Vs Zombies currently retails at 1200 Credits on XBLA, the equivalent of nearly £7 on its own.

My only criticism is that if you’ve already bought one of the titles, and some of them have been around for a while now, it may be a cheaper investment for you to buy the other games available separately through XBLA. If you’re new to these little gems, then this is definitely an investment worth considering as you will undoubtedly get as much, if not more, gameplay from these four titles than some big retail releases for half the price.

Yeah, you can jog on, mate!

In the two years that I have been writing for Ready Up, I have often found that my inner journo craves to write about the most amazing things on the planet. I find it far easier and more rewarding to gush about something wonderful than reflect on why something sucked (yeah… bar those few articles about my frustration with Gears of War glitches once a month!)

In my last article I raved about the simple things in life, and that progression needn’t always be necessary. Yet of course every generation must be subject to development and change and our gaming lifestyles are no different.

The point of evolution? To filter out the mistakes for the sake of creating something even better. But, my dear gamers, this needn’t be a completely bad thing for what gets left on the trash heap.

If it wasn’t for our blunders, we wouldn’t be sitting here with our Xbox 360’s or PlayStation 3’s playing controller-less games on 3D TV screens. So here is the first installment of my mini series – Epic Fails, an ode to the screw ups, the not so greats and the what on earth did you do that fors… we owe them a lot!

Sega Mega CD

We all know about a little console called the Sega Mega Drive and how fabulous and wonderful it was, but unfortunately Sega wasn’t familiar with the term ‘quit while you’re ahead’.

Enter the Sega Mega CD circa 1991-93, a bulky attachment that could clip to a Mega Drive to give it a new lease of life using CD technology to run games. Sounds like a good idea in principle but unfortunately Sega seemed to conveniently overlook a couple of tiny issues.

Meet Edward Cullen's grandma!

The biggest of the bunch was the fact that the Mega Drive boasted a whopping palette of only 512 colours for its display, of which only 64 could be shown on screen at any one time… I know, it’s breathtaking! Their genius idea of introducing full motion video (FMV) technology on a console that was designed to play from cartridges, as good as it seemed in theory, resulted in highly pixelated video displays the size of a Cook’s box of matches on screen. *Face-Palm*.

Although their idea of introducing games run from CD’s was obviously the direction that gaming would take, implementing it on a console that had 64k of RAM wasn’t up there with mastermind blueprints for plans.

Nice idea, Sega but my first Family Fortunes style ‘NEEERR ERRRRR’ goes to you, especially after a second attempt in the 32X also failed. Oh, Sega! On a side note Mega CD title Night Trap was pretty cool, not only for the awesome theme of mansion owning vampires, but also for being one of the first games to be scrutinized by the government and labelled a ‘Video Game Nasty’

Amstrad GX4000

That’s right, back in 1990 the company that turned my fellow cockney boy Alan Sugar into that guy who sacks people on TV also attempted to claim a piece of the console market.

Just before the time of the Sega Mega Drive and Super Nintendo Entertainment System, the gaming industry was getting ready for a boom. The Del Boy style entrepreneur Mr Sugar thought that compiling components from a CPC 6128 Plus home computer and styling them into a video games console was a quids-in idea, and that success in the market would be effortless.

Unfortunately for Alan, in a market soon dominated by Sega and Nintendo the console struggled to be supported with titles that could compete with the  number and variety of games churned out by the Japanese giants. Upon release the console had very few titles, some taking months after before actually being available to play.

It doesn't take a super hero to realise the GX 4000 wasn't up to scratch!

To add insult to injury, within the consoles life span less than 40 games were released, many being old cassette games from the CPC simply redistributed on a cartridge instead of the old cassette.

This bumped the price from £3 to £25 per game, and for a dismal array of options available, gamers simply were not willing to shell out the moolah when the likes of Sega and Nintendo were releasing exciting new games and porting popular arcade titles also.

While the technical specs proved stronger on paper than the popular Mega Drive, ultimately the console’s hardware setup couldn’t utilize its potential or play enough titles, and therefore lost out. Amstrad GX4000 – You’re Fired!

Vectrex

In 1982, the Vectrex console decided to place bets on creating a console that utilized vector based graphics for its games. Popular consoles of the time, such as the Atari 2600, used raster graphic displays that appeared pixelated, although I personally hold a soft spot for the blocky looking games of my youth such as Pac-Man or Kaboom!

Vector graphics allowed for much higher quality displays and were used in many arcade cabinets at the time. Vectrex manufacturer Smith Engineering hoped that this would help them cash in a profit by offering ports of arcade games on a smaller scale, without sacrificing the quality of the display.

As a result, and unlike other video game consoles of the time, the Vectrex came with a built in monitor which allowed it to display its specialist vector graphics system using thin films of plastic that attached to the monitor to add different displays and colours for the games.

While the console itself was advanced in many respects (still holding a cult status with many retro gamers) it ultimately picked the wrong side of a technology battle, similar to the VHS vs Betamax battle of the same time. On top of this the gaming industry at the time, specifically within North America and the Western market, suffered huge financial setbacks and doubts from consumers.

At a time where people were unsure of the potential success of the growing video game industry, gamers ultimately bought into the consoles which offered the most games and hooked up to home television sets instead. Under different circumstances the console could have seen a different fate. So close, Vectrex, but not quite!

Atari Jaguar

Released in 1993, the Atari Jaguar was the first cartridge-based console to boast 64-bit capabilities. It was designed to rival the Mega Drive and the SNES while being cost-effective to make and affordable to buy for the public.

The console itself was technically strong, and earned respect with titles such as Alien Vs Predator which is still counted as a classic today. Unfortunately the production time of the console became its downfall, being subject to ‘too little too late’.

By the time the Jaguar was released its rivals were going strong and also working on developments of their own, having been in control of the market for nearly two years. The Jaguar had a lot to prove to tempt people away from the now iconic Sonic or Mario. If that wasn’t enough, within 18 months of the Jaguar’s release the world was introduced to the Sony PlayStation which ultimately changed the world of gaming entirely.

Had the Jaguar arrived even a year earlier, it could have been on many gamers’ lists as an important console of our time. Instead, Atari stopped to think just a little too long and not far enough about its development. By the time it finally hit shelves they inevitably led the market for a matter of months before being made obsolete. If only the kitty had a few more claws!

Nintendo Virtual Boy

By 1995 and in an attempt to keep a foot in the ever changing gaming market, Nintendo released the Virtual Boy, a battery operated headset that displayed 3D graphics for its games. Worn like orthodontic head wear, the Virtual Boy held a small display in front of the eye-line that contained all the gizmos needed to make it appear in three dimensions.

Similar to graphics of a Game Boy, the Virtual Boy had to adopt a restricted colour display in order to utilize the 3D technology. The fact that it was portable (running on everyday batteries) meant that the gizmo drained juice quicker than Charlie Sheen in an off license. Unlike the murky green already associated with Game Boy, this time the Virtual Boy opted for red hues, simply as they took the least amount of battery power to display.

Similar to the fate of the Jaguar, the gaming market was far too preoccupied with the power of the PlayStation to feel the need to strap into head wear to play games that were now miles behind. As a result, it had the lifespan of a year. I’m sure that Nintendo had the best intentions and probably thought that their design would pave the way for Geordi La Forge’s Star Trek VISOR, in reality they made a headset that had more in common with a Henry Hoover than something from a science fiction show.

In hindsight, if it wasn’t for the cock ups known as gaming past, would we really have the consoles we do today? They may not have been the greatest, most successful inventions ever created, but they still had their part to play, and for that, us gamers should be truly grateful.

Epic Fails, we salute you!

Coming soon Epic Fails: Part 2 – Handhelds…

Engineering works on your train line so you have to get three buses instead. Your Internet Service Provider’s 20mb broadband that runs at 3mb at best (that one is definitely a pain in the @ss!). A game that should have been ground breaking but had too much of what I would call ‘gunf’ in. Life in the 21st Century is definitely guilty of sometimes trying too hard.

The point of my inane ramble is that life doesn’t have to be ten steps ahead to be good or better. Sometimes the best lesson you can learn in life is ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. Of course, progress comes whether we like it or not, and although we would still be knitting by candlelight if it wasn’t for the industrial revolution, this doesn’t mean that we always need to be jumping to the next level as quickly as we think we do.

Some 16 years ago I got my Super Nintendo. It was a marvellous day and I won’t bore you with the details, but the darling little thing still works like a charm! Back to present day and my current count of replacement Xbox 360s is up to four, and I nearly lost another on Saturday. While the joys of an Xbox 360 are obviously amazing in comparison to that 16bit chunky monkey, when looking at the scheme of the past 16 years and the vast technological improvements that have happened, can we really argue that we have already seen and done it all?

I was recently incredibly impressed with a little Italian plumber from the same era as my dusty SNES. Recently I, like many poor sods, succumbed to the seasonal flu that was going around and spent far too great a proportion of my time off from work, laying in bed rather than eating, drinking… and laying in bed out of choice! As part of my recuperation I delved into the world of the fairly recent New Super Mario Brothers Wii… and thank GOD for it!

Sometimes it takes a game like this to come along and make everyone sit back and go “You know what!? You don’t need all this fancy stuff on top to make an amazing game”. Those of you that have watched the awesome Hell’s Kitchen USA will know that Chef Ramsay doesn’t tolerate fancy crap on his dishes, and if Gordon ‘F*cking’ Ramsay won’t stand for it, why should I when it comes to gaming!?

New Super Mario managed to combine the feeling of nostalgia and all too memorable frustration that I used to feel when playing Mario titles over the years, and yet still held its own against games that many would call more advanced. I spent hour upon hour jumping between platforms, trying to collect power ups or hidden coins and revelled in every single second of it! I didn’t need a super charged laser gun, an array of abilities as long as my arm, or even an internet connection to get pure gaming pleasure from Mario and Co, but that’s just how it should be sometimes.

It is such a breath of fresh air (now I can actually breathe without coughing again) to see companies such as Nintendo being an advert for the simpler approach. Their console might not be as fancy as anyone else’s but they still know how to chuck out a corker and thank god that they do! It’s not all about bigger, better, more… quality will always speak for itself.

The simple life is always something to be treasured!

Okay, granted that’s probably not what Mr Pooh had in mind when hunting for some honey, but it is what a lot of gamers will be doing in the near future. Why? Those fellas over at Konami have gone and done it again with announcing the upcoming release of Silent Hill: Downpour.

Not much is known as of yet, but then again what kind of a Silent Hill game would it be if it went and gave us all the answers straight away? Although knowledge of its existence has been in circulation since its announcement at E3 last year, it’s only now that some of its darker underbelly has begun to emerge.

As underbellies go in the world of Silent Hill, you’re often encouraged to stab them with a large pointy sword. My thoughts for some of the Silent Hill franchise releases, even as early as sequel three, were that they probably should have been stabbed, if not slightly mutilated into something else to really be honoured with the title of a Silent Hill game. After 12 years of subsequent releases, each as questionable as the next, Silent Hill: Downpour will be the 8th game in the series; I can’t help but feel that the franchise has reached that inevitable point where people start to wonder ‘Do I get my umbrella and hide, or go singing in the rain?’.

Konami, ever the unchanging developer has often been questioned for its lack of development with titles, often resorting to the mentality of if we liked it once before, surely we would like the same thing again and again? This time, they at least seem to be more conscious of the need for change, and if words are anything to go by, Silent Hill: Downpour could bring a great deal to the table. Following on from the satisfactory reception of Silent Hill: Homecoming, Konami seem to be making every effort to give the franchise a much needed shake up. A large part of this will come through the development of the game being handed over to Czech company, Vatra Games.

Also high on the agenda are the expansion and development of Silent Hill itself, with bigger environments being a vital part of the game’s experience. Don’t hold out hope for another visit to the Hospital or School because they will be out of bounds! Early information on the game also suggests that protagonist Murphy Pendleton will only be able to hold one weapon at a time to take on the hosts of Otherworldly hordes, and in game decisions will affect the development of the story far more frequently than the obvious “Save/Kill” scenarios of the past.

At first glance it seems that Konami really know how to forecast a storm, with promises of returning to the Silent Hill of old while developing the game where it obviously needs to change. However with only a few scraps of info on the game currently circulating, it’s hard to tell if Silent Hill: Downpour will be a tsunami of survival horror, or a very fleeting shower.

However, for those of you keen to get away to somewhere different, pick up a taste of culture, and be entertained by something other than the Queen’s Speech on television over the Christmas season, there is an answer: Broken Sword 2: The Smoking Mirror – Remastered on the iPhone! That’s right travellers, point and click icons George Stobbart and Nico Collard are back in the remastered version of this classic sequel, offering a host of humour, puzzles and adventure on portable devices for the stranded action hero.

Thanks to the success of the original Broken Sword re-release earlier this year, the team at Revolution Software have continued to grace us with more of this amazing series for our portable devices, and it’s a welcome trip down memory lane that will leave you begging for more.

Much has happened since we left George and Nico at the end of Broken Sword. After a spell away from Nico, George has finally reunited with her, only to discover her thirst for a good news story has lost none of its potency. Before he realises it, the duo are sucked into the mysterious tale of an Ancient Mayan stone and the god Tezcatlipoca, so needless to say they are soon on the trail to uncover its secrets!

The game features a welcomed selection of revisits to old locations and cast from the first game, such as Lobineau at Montfaucon, Pearl and Duane the American tourists and the useless but charming Inspector Moue; coupled with a host of new characters and locations it is a combination that can’t go wrong in providing the comical conversation that made the original stand out from the crowd.

Broken Sword 2 also offers further development in gameplay from its remastered counterpart through its compatibility with the new Games Centre available on most recent Apple iOS devices allowing for in-game achievements. A secondary feature includes Dropbox compatibility, which will allow users to access their saved game on a multitude of devices, allowing gamers to continue playing the same playthrough as often as they wish, on what they wish to play it on – nifty!

Part of the wonderful impression Broken Sword for the iPhone made on me was its commitment to the series, developing it further but keeping true to the beauty of the original. The same can be said for the latest instalment, with extra care and detail having been paid to soundtrack and music improvements and newly upscaled graphics. Gameplay has also seen an upgrade, with further development to the hint (not cheat!) system, and what feels like a better response to finger movements; many a clue was missed on the earlier title due to fumbling fingers and my lack of finesse!

Its population? Scared and confused.

Buried in the heart of Deepholm the enemy to all peoples, fearsome dragon Deathwing the Destroyer, has been restored to his former power. In a rage of spite and anger, he has broken back into the World of Warcraft realms, his return sending a shock wave of destruction over land and sea.

With your world in utter chaos, a renewed blood lust between Alliance and Horde factions, and two new races entering the fray, where can you turn for help on the extra 3500 quests now at your fingertips? Luckily, the team at BradyGames have unleashed their power to create the World of Warcraft: Cataclysm Signature Series Guide, and even better for all WoW players out there, we have 3 copies to give away!

For your chance to get your hands on one of these fountains of knowledge, answer the question below… Your Blood Elf and Draenei will love you for it!

What is the name of the new Dragon enemy in World of Warcraft: Cataclysm?

A: The Lich King

B: Kael’thas

C: Deathwing the Destroyer

Closing Date 17th December 2010 – Closed

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This month, I have been mostly playing… sod all.

For some reason, since the release of Dead Rising in September my gaming libido has been in decline. Maybe it’s zombie overkill (like that could ever happen!), or the exciting TV schedule (yeah, do I look like an ‘I’m a Celeb’ fan?) but for some reason the call of my Xbox has definitely been muted.

I still, like many gamers, have a stack of unfinished games, some of which I ran to the nearest game shop for on release day; the fact that many of them are now £20 cheaper and in a buy 2 for £30 offer just rubs a bit of salt into my wounds.

Final Fantasy XIII, despite years of waiting for it to be released, still has my team of outlaws hauled up on the Palamecia. Tomb Raider: Underworld, if you can believe it, has Lara trapped in Coastal Thailand limbo. Hell, my N3 game temporarily revived itself with the thought of possibly buying its recent sequel once it was completed, but subsequently died a death again when I realised I couldn’t be bothered to get everyone up to level 9, when I could be watching Edwardian Farm on BBC2 and learning how they used to manufacture quick lime… true story!

On occasion, I have dabbled in some online co-op of Dead Rising 2, just to finish off getting the 1000 points up for grabs, but it feels more like going through the motions than really driving for a sense of true achievement or purpose… but that’s when I had my breakthrough.

I am definitely not the first, and certainly won’t be the last to claim that achievements have changed the way games are played, but the more I come to assess my own gaming patterns of late the more I come to realise how much it has changed my views on my own skills as a gamer. Back in the day (pick any day you want really, but probably somewhere along the lines of circa 1996-2005) I would happily purchase a game, run through it once or twice (or a gazillion times if it was something like Resident Evil!) and consider it job done and revel in my success of completion.

More recently, I tend to pop a disc into my console and before I have even played for longer than half an hour, I hit my ‘Home’ button to find out “exactly what do I have to do to unlock a few points around here?”. Where is my drive? Where is my passion? If you had told me four years ago that I would have accumulated a gamerscore of over 40,000 I would have gone “Wow!”. Now I start to wonder exactly how many K’s ago that the damage was done and I started playing for achievements rather than for the game itself.

My gaming monster - caged but waiting

I want my enthusiasm back. I want to get a game, and instead of playing for a few hours and wondering why my score is no higher, I want to be so engrossed by a story or the gameplay that I forget to go to bed on time. I wish I could say that I will be banning myself from my Xbox 360 and trying to relive my glory days on the consoles of yesteryear, but I know that probably won’t last for long, and that’s really not the problem.

What I need to do is just not care about points anymore.

So here it is, my New Year’s resolution, six weeks early…

Next year I want to play games for games’ sake. Not for points, not for gamertag glory, and not for justification that I can still be called a gamer even though I’m a girl (that is just so ’90s) or because I don’t have as many achievements as the next person.

Play for good, play for evil, play for shooting the opposite team in the back of the head because you’ve earned your skill to be able to do it and it’s also kinda funny. Play through a game from start to end because it’s just that good… not because I might get 10G if I do.

I want to play because I love it… It’s a long shot, but I just might do it.