The Subway – Part 1

“God damn it, Louis! Stay with me!” I ordered, as I hurriedly applied pressure to his severe looking wounds.

“In here! We’ll be safe” Bill shouted, beckoning us to a nearby room with a red steel door. Francis grabbed Louis’ arms and dragged him along the concrete floor. He was obviously trying hard to not show how much the blood stains bothered him, but acting wasn’t one of his strong points.

I took the supplies from my bag and started bandaging the deep cuts on Louis’ chest, trying to clean them as best I could. Bill grabbed some pain pills out of a nearby first aid kit and mixed them with a little water from our packs, rubbing the paste onto Louis’ tongue.

“I don’t know what else we can do” I sighed, resigning to the fact that it might not be enough to help him. I starred at his limp body. He was breathing, but it was shallow; the pain his body was in was audible on every breath.

“We’re safe in here for now, but we can’t wait forever. Let’s give him what’s left of the night and see where it goes; we’ll set off again at morning.” Bill said calmly, inspecting his gun. I wanted to scream at him for suggesting we should leave someone behind, but I knew that there would be no chance for any of us if we tried to carry him.

The helicopter wouldn’t wait forever. Giving Louis the few hours there were until dawn was the best compromise we could offer. I began to think of how to leave a message for him in case he should wake, when I noticed the warnings from other survivors written on the walls.

‘It’s the end of the world’, ‘this is NOT flu’, ‘don’t head to the highway, road blocked’; the wall was covered in words of fear and bad news. I felt sick to my stomach.

We took it in turns to grab some sleep, doing an hour each of being on watch. Thirty minutes into my turn, I started to hear groans from the corner where Louis was slumped. I rushed to his side; he was waking up!

“What the?“ He moaned, obviously stiff and very sore from the attack.

“You gave us the fright of our lives!” I scorned him, reaching for a water bottle to offer him a drink. He was soon up and talking; he was a fighter. We woke Bill and Francis, ate what food we had available for some kind of breakfast and got ready to move on.

“It’s gonna hurt like hell, but what other option do I have?” Louis resigned as Francis questioned if he could cope with the journey ahead. Louis knocked back another dose of pills. I could see Francis pondering if they were a waste for someone who could drop dead if an infection caught hold. None of us were immune to that.

With a bit of grit, we managed to prise open another exit down into the work tunnels that ran around the subway. I sighed as I saw all the signs of more infected below: fires, screams… the sound of pain.

We lowered ourselves through a hole in the floor to the public entrance below, taking out any infected we could. Thankfully the drop in gave us an advantage and bodies were soon hitting the floor before the infected realised we were there. Another pouncing hunter tried to attack but this time we were ready and shot it down mid flight, the remnants of what used to be its brain matter hitting the strip lights above.

When we reached the platform it was obvious the whole line was in a mess. The main lights were out leaving the fires that smoldered on both sides of the station the only way to see in the gloom.

“Let’s go through to the end of the train. If we head down the line we should come out at the stop for the hospital” Louis suggested. He was hurting but he was giving the journey everything he had.

Once we stepped inside the train everything fell deathly silent. Too silent for the danger that lurked around every corner. I slowed my pace and the others followed, they too feeling the same sense of fear. The train was only several carriages long, and as we reached the last compartment the light was fading out. I peered to the end of the train; the door was blown out and was barely visible apart from one flickering light sending out sparks of illumination.

I wondered what the hell was going on, being sure to take one step at a time. A dense green fog was clouding the doorway. I inched further, leaning forward to get a better look without committing my body to moving closer. As I did so the fog changed, it gained shape.

Two white, piercing eyes looked back at me, then the world went black.

The Streets Part 2

After descending the final staircase, we came back out to the ground floor. I felt every hair on my body stand up in anticipation of another attack. Surely the infected couldn’t have gone far? The fear must have been written all over my face as Bill turned round to talk tactics.

” Louis, these streets are near your old workplace right? You must have some idea of how to cut through to the hospital?”
Louis stuttered at the unexpected pressure of trying to recall something from his day to day life; two weeks felt like a real long time ago for all of us.

“Spit it out, we don’t got all day you know?” Francis pushed, leaning into Louis. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize they didn’t really hit it off.

“All right, all right!” Louis panted, loosening his tie. “Okay look, the hospital is pretty far out from here. If it was any normal day I would probably just get a taxi. I’m not really sure…”

“And if the traffic was bad?” Bill coaxed.

“…Well, then I’d just get the subway”.

“You have got to be kidding me? Tunnels?” I panicked; I did not want to be trapped underground with those things after us. As much as it was busier over ground, I liked the fact I could run in any direction I wanted.

“As much as I hate to admit it, it kinda makes sense” Francis chipped in, constantly looking over his shoulder while pacing between two smouldering drums in the alley.

I looked at him dumbfounded. “Think about it, Zoe! Up here we could get attacked from any angle, from god knows how many of those bastards. Down there, chances are there are limited numbers and its the most direct route. Gets my vote, and anything beats sat-nav over there”.

Louis checked over his gun awkwardly. “I can get us there”.  He sucked his chest up, walked past Francis and headed to a corner turning between two high rises.

We were lucky;  any remnants of the horde that had attacked us hours before were few and far between and easily dispersed with a few rounds. Out on the main street, the devastation was easy to see. The fronts of buildings were smashed and blood stained, but made for ideal scavenging opportunities. Running into a drug store with broken down doors, I searched for any leftover  items that could come in useful. A crushed bottle of aspirin and some bandages were like gold dust.

“How much further, boss?” Bill panted, trying to keep up with Louis who was clearly on a mission to prove a point. Neither of us wanted to feel like we were keeping anyone behind.

“Up and to the right, straight down and then into the subway entrance.”

“Good job, son” Bill said, following his lead.

I peered into the distance, taking out any targets I could with my pistols. An infected up ahead wavered slowly. Closing one eye to take aim I fired two shots. At the exact same moment, it bent down, sending my bullets through the windshield of the car behind, setting off its alarm.

“Son of a bitch!” I vexed, as the sounds of alerted infected filled the air.

“Don’t just stand there, RUN!” Louis panicked, sprinting up the street and darting in between cars.

In the distance the lights illuminating the subway sign were flickering a way out as by the dozen, infected came from out of windows, behind cars, even running off of rooftops, not caring for the deathly drop to the ground below.

Keeping pace with Bill, we shot down any in our way, running from side to side to avoid the clenching fists inches behind us. I turned around to look for Francis, but he had already vaulted onto a beaten up Cherokee on the left of the road, jumping from car to car to avoid the bodies piling up around him.

“Louis, slow down! You’re leaving us behind!” I screamed, but I doubted he could hear me over the frenzied street and gunfire. By the time we reached the subway, Louis had already run down the stairs.

I raced down the step as fast as my aching legs could take me. “Thanks for the help, man!” I scolded Louis as he worked to unbar a solid metal door in the corner. “We could have done with the extra few bullets up there!”

“Sorry, Zoey” Louis sighed, turning to walk back to me. “I just wanted to get-”

Before he could finish a high pitched scream filled the air as a body launched itself from behind a ceiling high stack of shelves. It pounced on Louis, forcing him to the ground with a crunch. With a scream I grabbed for my pistols, but my hands refused to work with fear. Blood began to trickle towards my feet as the hooded figure began to rip at his chest. He was out cold, and unable to fight the threat of death sat upon him.

Technically speaking, its been four years since we have had a Silent Hill title on a next gen console, and after the tepid reception of Homecoming, it’s hard to hold out extreme hopes for something groundbreaking. However, the gamer in me still cannot forget the trips to Silent Hill of yore, and that nostalgia of getting petrified beyond belief still keeps the inner fires burning.

You take the role of convict Murphy Pendleton who, thanks to a mysterious prison incident, is being transferred to another facility. During the journey, the transport vehicle is forced off the road and crashes, leaving the inmates free to run from the confines of jail. Murphy, through sheer bad luck, finds his way to the Devil Pits, a broken down attraction on the outskirts of Silent Hill, and is then forced to try and escape the clutches of the town, while reliving (as always) the repercussions of his past.

Back once again are the trips to Otherworld, distorted enemies and freaky-assed townsfolk, but unfortunately they feel far too diluted. The less human inhabitants in Downpour are quite rare and incredibly unvaried. Bearing in mind that one of them is a weird black hole that chases you around trying to suck you in and another is a giant talking face, they don’t have much fear inducing factor about them, and above all else feel very vague and characterless.

Don’t expect Pyramid Head or hypodermically pierced nurses, the closest thing to an ‘iconic badie’ is the Bogeyman who looks like a rip-off of Resident Evil’s Executioner on a fishing trip; well, they have to try and make another vague reference to water somehow I guess! However, if it’s jumps and scares you’re after, it certainly doesn’t disappoint, and easily had me screaming like the girl I am on numerous occasions!

When it comes to Downpour, the ideas seem solid, it just lacks a fair bit in practise and finess. Newbies to the Silent Hill developer family, Vatra, have obviously tried to put in time and new ideas to the game mechanics, greatly increasing the number of wieldable weapons and items. However they rarely last through an attack ‒ two if you are lucky ‒ especially as weapons can now be used to interact with environmental elements such as boarded up doorways and drop down ladders, and the space in the inventory is incredibly limited weapons wise.

Although this adds a more realistic survival element in principal, instead it often leaves you running around like a lunatic, effing and blinding rather than feeling vulnerable and terrified, just begging to have some kind of customisable weapon feature a la Dead Rising 2 instead.

The combat system is a little clunky, with an odd choice of a run button, a button bash attack style and infuriating camera angles that really should have been left in the 90’s. It also has its fair share of niggles, such as no obvious health meter or item status, and a frustratingly small inventory space. Don’t hold out for guns and ammo either; apart from being incredibly scarce and usually subject to being darted around in side quests, the guns themselves are so difficult to shoot you will probably use  more ammo trying to aim than you will putting into a screamer or doll foe.

The game play map is much more extensive, with many cubby holes, nooks and crannies to explore. While previous visits to Silent Hill offered a large town to visit, many areas were closed off, and gave very rigid paths to travel as a result. The new incarnation feels much more open, and also offers many more side quest missions if you want to get the most out of the game. Also back are the hair ripping puzzles, although unfortunately not as prevalent as they should be.

The biggest disappointment was the character development. There are few encounters, and when they do occur, they feel almost stereotypical to the series. Within the first hour I was able to piece together a rough idea on the plot twist that would inevitably come in the end, and the reason for being pulled into Silent Hill at all gets weaker in every game.

A big part of the atmosphere in Silent Hill was its soundtrack and as an old school fan of the series, I was disappointed to learn that composer Akira Yamaoka would not be returning to work on the score for the game. However, if there is one man capable of filling his shoes, it is Daniel Licht, of Dexter fame; serial killer to cult town in one fell musical swoop! There are, however, many opportunities to get a nostalgic dose of Yamaoka tunes thanks to the radios darted about, but in hindsight, it adds to the fact that the game as a whole isn’t so much pushing the boundaries of what the series has to offer as living on the coattails of a decade old ground breaker.

The Streets Part 1

The sound of gunfire, crunching bone and falling bodies filled the air as wave after wave of infected swarmed into the room. Footsteps and screams alerted nearby foes, tripping over the corpses soon lining the floor. One by one, we took down the relentless line of rotting attacks with almost military precision. Finally, we got a chance to breathe.

“For Christ’s sake won’t they give us a bit of peace?” grunted Francis, lighting up a scavenged cigarette from a small table as we walked into what used to be someone’s living room. The TV had long since broadcast anything; only static graced the screen now, illuminating the four of us in an eerie evanescent glow.

“How many times do I have to tell you, keep your Goddamn voice down?” Bill scolded through gritted teeth.

“This ain’t Vietnam now, Bill! This is hell on earth and you damn well know it” Francis replied spitefully.

“Same rules still apply if you want to get out of here alive, buddy”. Bill managed to repel any attempted chink of his emotional armour. He had taught us all how to refine our skills; we all knew it too.

Louis and I glanced at each other as Bill led us down the corridor. He and I were very much the lesser pair of the group, similar in our lack of acceptance of what was happening, and the least prepared members of the quartet in experience. Bill and Francis however, were two generations of alpha males competing, albeit subconsciously, to become leader of our pack.

We started to pick up pace, walking our way through rooms, broken down walls and corridors slowly looping our way down to the ground levels. Trawling through the empty homes felt like an out of body experience, witnessing the scenes of violent deaths and crimes, with the echoes of what used to be still ringing from the walls. I shuddered and tried to focus.

We had been surviving the green flu outbreak for nearly two weeks now, and trust me, hundreds of flesh hunting, dead people was pretty much enough crazy for me. I could never settle for the life we had, but it was certainly better than what we now knew to be coming. Over the past day,  Bill had been noticing something odd about the bodies lining the ground. They were starting to show different signs of mutilation; deep cuts, strangulation, being covered in bile and more breaks, bruising and crushing possible for your average size horde, even with their psycho-strength.

It started when we thought we’d found another survivor while inspecting the bodies; I’d heard a woman crying coming in a small warehouse in the block nearby. We went to find her, but before we could get a real chance to see what was wrong a wave came. Before we knew it, she was charging at us. Louis slammed the door just in time to escape the long talon fingers and piercing red eyes that were closing in on us, but I doubt it would have held her for long if we’d stuck around long enough to find out. In what felt like a very short space of time we got attacks from all angles. We were lucky to escape with the group intact from the knocks and hits we took as we ran.

I stupidly thought we had enough time to make it to the roof when something came from behind. The sound of a gigantic thud of flesh hitting metal rang through the air. I turned around to see a parked car spinning and whistling in our direction, sending shards of broken glass and twisted metal everywhere. Behind the heads of the infected swarming in around us, I saw the bulbous, deformed shoulders of something more like the size of a rhino than the body of an infected human, charging our way.
It was enough to make me realise that I really didn’t want to find out what it was attached to, and barely made it onto the roof in time. By the time we looked back, the horde had moved on, but we knew that the game had changed.

What was happening to the infected?

The Apartments.

As I stood upon yet another abandoned apartment block the sound of the overhead helicopter did little to fill me with hope. The smoke riddled breeze filled my lungs with toxic fumes and the scent of rotting flesh.

‘Thank god green flu isn’t airborne,’ I thought, as I held back the urge to cough. Even if it was, I’ve had my fair share of scrapes to assume I’m naturally immune; how the hell could I have survived otherwise? Despite losing myself in thoughts, my heart barely had time to catch itself before the sound of another blood curdling scream filled my ears. Was there ever going to be a time when I would be used to living like this?

Could I ever be?

For the past two weeks I had watched this virus eat through my friends, loved ones, even the crazed checkout guy. Somehow I had managed to find three strangers to stick with, learn from and who, if nothing else, didn’t mind helping me fend off the ever growing population of infected victims that roamed the streets, sniffing for our blood in a pure, unadulterated rage.

I had soon adapted to become a master of survival, a fighter against an ever growing enemy that constantly threatened to keep clawing at my chest with every move I made. Learning how to fire a gun, scavenge for supplies and shoot the remnants of what we used to call the human race is totally not what I had in mind this semester.

“Zoey; time to go,” Bill said, offering a reassuring pat on my back. I had to admit, this aging war vet had lasted way longer than I expected. Hell, he’d probably outlast me in the end. When all was said and done, what Bill lacked in speed, he certainly made up for in heart, and I guess those left over army skills would always come in handy, right?

Louis and Francis were a whole other bag entirely. The first was your run of the mill IT guy, who looked like he was having a seriously bad day at the office and the second? Let’s just say despite the stench of death that clung to the air, the guy still smelt of motor oil and yearned for the freedom of his motor bike like he was missing a limb.

But, this had become our life, and we were still lucky to have one. Whatever it was spreading through the local population one thing was certain: even if they were ‘living’ or ‘breathing’, there was no coming back from what they had become. ‘They might as well be walking dead‘.

I’d already come to terms with the fact that a bullet from my gun was kinder to them in the long run, and kept me alive for a few hours more. The green flu may not want to eat its way through me, but a savage attack from a relentless horde of infected would still drain my blood and break my body enough to make sure I would never get back up again, and that was just not an option.

As the chopper faded behind the high rises in the distance I gave myself the familiar body check: as much ammo as I could carry, whatever meds and patch-me-ups I could find, and a deep breath before peering over the edge of the roof top to the ground below, trying to figure out a rough way to go.

“Looks like it was headed to the hospital,” Francis growled in his familiar gravelled tone. “Let’s move out, people.”

“We should head to the sewers, there’s a train line we can take that will lead us straight there,” Bill commanded in response.

Crouching low I slowly moved towards the door leading down to the apartments below. I closed my eyes and held my breath as Bill turned the handle, the click of the latch ringing in my ears as I swallowed. Okay, so it wasn’t as abandoned as I thought.

Some-thing was moving down below.

The air went silent as we all let our safety clips off. We knew what had to be done if we wanted to make it out of here and into the town center. Step by step we went down the creaking staircase, the sight of the bloodied hand prints that lined the walls, echoing the bodies that had gone before, did little to turn my hardened stomach, and yet I still prayed to God that our fate would be better than theirs.

Taking the lead I peered through the first broken doorway. A half standing lamp flickered in the corner of a broken down kitchen, illuminating three bodies swaying in such childlike peace that for a second it made me question if I should fire.

The closest body began to turn its head, what was left of its rotting nose picking out the scent of something not so… infected. It waited for a moment, pondering my existence. The light of the person that had lived in its eyes had long since gone out, and as its body jerked towards me ready to attack, any hesitancy washed away as my hands clenched even tighter around my guns.

Firing three rounds from my pistols, I pierced its shoulder with a crunch, spraying a sea of crimson from the wound as it ran towards me. One more round and it fell to the ground with a relieving thud, its fingers reaching out to the ground below my feet.

A bead of sweat trickled from my brow as I stood, now surrounded by my comrades, all raising their arms to the two remaining zombies in the room. Poised to charge at us with a vengeance, once again the game was on. It was time to survive, and no one would be left for dead.

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Closes March 15th 2012

Personally, there is one crowning glory amongst the rubble of changes. As far as I’m concerned you can take the Cloud storage, Beacons or Kinect voice recognition; it seems like poor Zoey had enough trouble with it for me to be that fussed and it would probably have trouble with my common as muck London accent anyway. No people, for me its about apps. Beautiful, addictive, ‘how-did-I-live-without-them’ apps!

LastFM, Facebook and Twitter have been around for a while, along with Zune, but thanks to the most recent update a whole new host of possibilities for Xbox 360 entertainment has been unleashed. For me personally, the biggest of these has to be YouTube, not only because it now means I can watch the millions of videos it has to offer (thank you to whoever put up the Masterchef series by the way!) but it means that Microsoft have finally matched a card played by Sony and Nintendo two years ago. Get with the program!

More like happy gamer and media consumer time!

One of the biggest debates will always be which console is the best and my opinion has always been that the 360 has certainly won the next-gen console war. Unfortunately a fatal flaw in my argument for the Xbox has always been its versatility; I would seriously like a quid for every time I’ve heard “But PlayStation 3 has a BluRay player!” – Bah I tell you!

Apps such as YouTube have not only brought the 360 up to speed, but finally make it a true entertainment console that will be incredibly hard to be matched. Add in the Kinect and you’re onto a winner. Give me iPlayer (later this year) and you have made one seriously happy camper!

The Xbox 360 is beginning to open up a whole world of possibilities for itself as it becomes a stronger, more all-round entertainment machine. My god, with all the TV and film in front of me I may never play a game again…

Yeah, right!? But it made me think it for a second and that, my friends, is seriously impressive!

One of my top games of 2011 so far (my ‘to play’ list is still rather long it has to be said) is Crysis 2. Stunning visuals, great controls, and an online multiplayer mode so captivating I’ve still yet to drag myself away from it to give the story mode a real go; Crysis 2 is almost a complete bag of goodness! Now I’m no stranger to glitches, I’ve ranted about it long enough with my peers on this site of ours goodness knows how many times, yet it still boggles my mind to think that when developers of a title can spend months doing great, great things to make you want to buy a game, they’re not prepared to do something very small to help you out once you’ve already forked out your dough.

If only achievement unlocking was as fun as the game...

Gamers, I am talking about Crysis 2’s achievement unlock ‘Dedication’ for playing online over a 6 month time span. Now, it’s a bit of sneaky if not clever one really as many gamers will undoubtedly get swept up in other titles over the space of half a year and, unless they have very little in their games collection that is new, will be very unlikely to still be playing it frequently enough to remember the achievement. Crysis 2 has, however, become a bit of an old faithful of mine; the game that I will happily shove into my CD tray every few weeks or so, batter some people online, go invisible for a bit and generally have a dandy time (apart from when I get my arse handed to me of course).

So you see, the dedication achievement was one that was quite clearly in the sights of my gaming buds and beau, and although we weren’t actively tracking it down, we figured ‘hey we’ll unlock it eventually’ as it needed little more than playing an online match 6 months after your first to unlock it. So, come October, when my pal NoNeilMoment was online, sure enough came that loveable sound of ‘bah-dink’ and he had been rewarded for his loyalty. Now, to say we have a bit of healthy competition between us is a little understated, but after the other half saw Neil had been graced with 25g that he hadn’t, the battle was on to get his share. In went the disc, up came a game, after a few minutes of online carnage he waited in anticipation… but no Crysis scented cigar.

Seems that the Dedication achievement has joined the club of glitching achievements, not uncommon but not really acceptable in the long run. After all, why offer an achievement if you’re not sure if your gamers will even get it? Needless to say there has been more than a few unhappy campers popping up all over the globe complaining about the lack of reward for their faithfulness to the game, along with a handful of similar complaints regarding other glitchy features.

Now my real gripe here is not so much with the glitch itself (they happen, let’s face it) but more-so the continued lack of response from EA and Crytek. To encourage people to stay faithful to a game and not trade in for the next big title is fine, to make mistakes or have programming not quite work can be resolved, but failure to address gamers’ problems, no matter how small, should never really be accepted by the people that play. It may be the case of 25g, but the ethics involved are much greater.

No doubt both companies will be happy to shove their next big titles down our screens as and when they become available, but to expect loyalty from your audience, but show no real ‘Dedication’ of your own to their experience is a little off. It’s nearly Christmas for goodness sake! Surely a fix could be put in people’s stockings by the 25th? After 2 months of online complaints, rants and in some cases spectacular hissy fits by irate gamers, it doesn’t look ho-ho-hopeful to have an official resolution any time soon!

*insert sad face and a new game into your console, I think we’re flogging a dead Rudolph here people!*

The reality of 'dedication' from Crysis 2

Those of you who have read the appendices found in the Return of the King will know that there was a lot more to the war against Sauron than Frodo and his chums. One of the main features eliminated from the three cinema monsters was a real understanding of just how far the evil of Middle Earth had spread. War in the North has finally started to utilize some of this goldmine by offering gamers the chance to experience some of the stories not yet explored through consoles.

First things first: graphically this game is pretty good mainly thanks to the endorsement by New Line Cinema and Warner Bros. Much of the visual style from Peter Jackson’s movies can be found gracing your screen, which is always going to be a bonus as it undoubtedly pulls on the strings of movie nostalgia. As a result, fans who are more film trilogy orientated than loyal to the books will appreciate the helping hand that Jackson’s Middle Earth gives in defining the culture of races and the locations which undoubtedly bring the game to life.

But let us not forget that beauty is only skin deep and while the game may look tastier than a pint at The Green Dragon in places, it takes a lot more than that to get my seal of approval. Initially the story begins as Aragorn awaits the arrival of the Hobbits in Bree. You begin as one of a trio of characters: Eredan, a fellow Dunedain Ranger of Aragorn, Andriel, an Elven Lore-Master and Farin, a Dwarf from the Lonely Mountain who, under Aragorn’s orders, are sent to the long abandoned fortress of Fornost to investigate rumours of a threat from Mordor causing unrest.

Snowblind have obviously taken care in providing some kind of ‘historical accuracy’ by setting it around battles and locations such as Mirkwood, Bree, the Barrowdowns and Rivendell (including some well known characters too!). Unfortunately the purist in me finds a problem with the fact that unlike games such as Lord of the Rings Online, your choice of character has little influence on the plot of the game as you are shoved together into a band of merry do-gooders from the get go.

The three warrior choices have hardly any back story that explains the bond between them, which not only impacts on the plot of the game, but also undermines the creation of the Fellowship in the novel (which on War of the North timescale, hasn’t even happened yet).

While most of you may sigh as to why this is a problem at all, the point is that people who are true fans of Lord of the Rings will find it very difficult to engage in a story that feels very bland in comparison to one of the greatest novels of all time. The three main characters are not only contradictory to the original story, but also make a big hole for your average RPG in terms of plot and emotional attachment as they offer next to none.

Dialogue between the trio and NPC’s met along the way has little in the way of variety and seemingly no influence on outcomes. When your target audience is going to be predominantly people that give more than an average crap about the story, this isn’t going to go down well!

The RPG elements are pretty basic, with levelling up providing access to new abilities along with lootable items and shops in many locations along the way. However, the individual characters show very little variation as the majority of combat is combined of X and Y button taps and unlocking special moves. They have mild preferences for certain combat styles, but the available upgrades on offer don’t quite cut it in the ‘customisable’ stakes.

The biggest disappointment of all, unfortunately, is its lack of absorbing game play. Initially I found myself quite excited at the prospect of sweeping down orcs, goblins and the odd cave troll. However, with limiting and repetitive controls, the fighting sequences of play soon becomes repetitive and monotonous. Combine this with the linear level styles and easy to complete side missions and you start to have a game with more holes than Shelob’s Lair.

On top of this the AI characters often wander off and do their own thing, despite the ability to issue them basic attack or defend commands, which makes me feel like it was pushed to be predominately co-operative. For a game that doesn’t do enough to really impress, I wonder how long people will really keep playing before finding co-op buddies online becomes a problem.

Jurassic Park is a landmark in film to most cinema goers on the planet, so needless to say it’s already had its fair share of video games to tie in with it. In this latest incarnation from Telltale Games, a new strand of storytelling is unleashed as we return to Isla Nublar and its prehistoric inhabitants.

Set in and around the original Jurassic Park movie, the plot of Jurassic Park: The Game jumps straight into the action as events on Dino Island are already kicking off. Initially you are introduced to Dr Jerry Harding (you know, the veterinarian  guy who was helping investigate Triceratops poo with Laura Dern in the movie) and his daughter who has come to visit. Despite feeling a bit familiar to Jeff Goldblum’s plot in The Lost World, the dynamic of the scenario does something to add tension between the characters in action situations; you’ve got to try and save your daughter from becoming T-Rex food after all, right? I mean, remember what happened to that chained up goat? Bad times!

Next you have a Spanish speaking mercenary, kind of like that gun-wielding, bandana-wearing chick from Aliens. My point is that despite mildly interesting traits, the characters don’t necessarily feel original, sound original, or particularly fit into the Jurassic Park scenario. It merely feels like a pic ‘n’ mix of cinema stereotypes crammed onto a dangerous island off Central America.

For the sake of nostalgia, the first couple of chapters in Episode 1 (this is a typical Telltale Episodic adventure after all!) bring you back to familiar surroundings. Firstly, we have the case of ‘What the hell happened to Dennis Nedry’s shaving foam can of dinosaur embryos after he got spat on by those flappy necked critters’, adventures between a Triceratops and its lunch, and a trip to the visitors center after the T-Rex missed out on having Sam Neill and co for lunch.

Unfortunately it doesn’t take long before what should be an exciting return to a tropical death trap turns into a frustrating and confusing series of clicks and manic tapping. It’s obvious from the outset that this game has been designed to feel more like Heavy Rain than something from a more classical point and click adventure that the Telltale Games team normally specialize in. The the lack of a character inventory does a lot of damage to the enjoyment factor for this very reason as there really isn’t anything more than  ‘click here to keep the story playing’ to the controls.

Forget scavenging for survival and escape, as Jurassic Park feels more like an interactive movie than an actual game. This wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing, but the big difference here is that games such as Heavy Rain were centered more around suspense and investigation rather than running away from prehistoric monsters. As a result the gameplay feels incredibly limiting as you mindlessly click your way through a storyline that doesn’t quite fit in anyway, without any real input or interaction, which is pretty much the point of playing a game!

On the flip-side, you are then faced with the games quick time events which are beyond frustrating. The concept of having timely direction button presses to outsmart dinosaur attacks should at least offer you some hope of completing them. The gold, silver and bronze scoring scheme for levels starts to take a hit during these sequences as the time frame for keying in directions, even for a fairly skilled button tapper like myself, is a bit too optimistic. Needless to say my patience for these sections drained as quickly as my death count rose and I soon lost any interest in my ’score’ after being eaten one too many times for a reason that didn’t really feel like my fault.

The really good feature of this game was the camera switch on levels. By selecting the islands different security camera angles as available views on the environment, you are able to quickly move from one area and character to another without having to navigate your character around obstacles to get there. This would really cut down the time in between sections of solving puzzles, if there were any real puzzles to solve in the first place, but at least its a feature that didn’t wind me up like the others and felt like a well integrated part of the design.

My bag of Lego blocks currently sits in the top of my wardrobe, awaiting a day where my nieces and nephew are old enough to play with it without sticking it up their nose or thinking it’s edible. Until recently my love of the toy had faded but not been forgotten as I had moved onto more sterner stuff in adulthood (hello Xbox!). But, what should come knocking on my console’s door? A whole series of Lego video games!

Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Batman, Pirates of the Caribbean; even my beloved Harry Potter has been Lego-sised! But now my friends, comes word of possibly the most EXCITING Lego franchise I could ever dream of!

LEGO HOBBIT!

I know, I nearly passed out from excitement too when I heard! I don’t need to remind you that I am a Tolkien fanatic, if you read my work often enough you will be sighing at yet another mention of all things Hobbitty, but on this you have to forgive me! Imagine a Lego Smaug, flying over a Lego Lonely Mountain, with Lego Dwarves, Hobbits and a Lego Precious and Gollum too!

With 14 months to go before I can see the first instalment of the next Peter Jackson Middle Earth epic, now I’m even dizzier with anticipation of getting my hands on a Lego version of The Hobbit movies too! With their quirky and humorous interpretations of the most loved adventure films, this is sure to be another classic to add to the growing collection of Lego games.

The only thing to help curb my excitement is that I will soon have my hands on Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7, and Lord of the Rings: War in the North to keep my Lego loving, hobbit obsessive busy until I can get my hands on it.

Is there anything that these guys can’t turn into comical bricks and action adventure? I sincerely hope not!

"Yo Gandalf, maybe it's my Lego Pipe Weed but where's your hat, man?"

]]> http://ready-up.net/2011/11/10/lego-las/feed/ 3 http://ready-up.net/reviews/bejeweled-3-2/ http://ready-up.net/reviews/bejeweled-3-2/#comments Wed, 02 Nov 2011 10:00:53 +0000 Loz http://ready-up.net/?page_id=45583 When a company like PopCap offer you a new game, you would have to be mad to turn it down. With a rich and exciting catalogue of games such as Plants vs. Zombies, Peggle and that blasted Zuma (relive my nightmare, if you dare) you can pretty much guarantee a game worthy of a few hours play at the very least. Gasp, then, at my initial response to the prospect of Bejeweled 3:

“Really? Another one?”

Needless to say for the sake of giving our trusted readers the real scoop, I’ve delved into yet another gem blasting frenzy to see what’s really up with the latest incarnation of Bejeweled.

Don’t be fooled by the number ‘3’ glaring at you from this game’s title. Technically speaking we are now up to game five of the Bejeweled franchise, if you include the Facebook version of Bejeweled Blitz as a standalone game. It’s no real surprise that a puzzle addict like me then starts to wonder how much of any further titles will be development of the game as opposed to riding the bandwagon of its popularity.

Bejeweled 3 is, very simply, other Bejeweled games with a lot of novelty and some bells on. Alongside the ‘Classic’ Mode (as if anyone actually still plays that, right?) you can now play in a multitude of additional rounds such Zen, Lightning and Quest in Standard Mode. Zen is really a rehash of Endless mode, with some supposedly soothing music to ease your aura while you play. If you ask me, the chances of me not feeling any stress while hyper cubes are exploding in front of my eyeballs is pretty unlikely, but ho hum.

Quest mode is fairly interesting and its objectives can be quite challenging. The idea is simply that eight rounds of puzzle modes have to be completed to unlock the next stage. Most of the puzzle modes can feel a little anti-climatic after a while, but there is definitely one little corker that I could see making its way to our Facebook pages soon: Bejeweled Poker. The challenge is simply to create the best possible poker hand you can. Cards are made by destroying gems, and then represent the colour of the blocks smashed. After five cards are created, your hand is judged by standard poker combinations such as two-four of a kind, Full House and a Flush. Points are awarded depending on the skill of your hand and it’s actually incredibly addictive especially when unlocked as a standalone mode in the main menu.

The most worthy mode from the entire collection, however, is the new Lightning round. I say ‘new’, as it is really Bejeweled Blitz with a few tweaks. Blitz was made during the development of Bejeweled 3 and the similarities are blatantly obvious for all to see. The challenge of scoring as many points as you can remains, however the time limit can now be increased by lining up bonus gems to receive a few precious seconds more. The more you increase the time, the more points you can score, with points multipliers awarded for achieving a ‘Blazing Speed’. Thus Lightning round is born. For a Blitz beast such as myself, it was great to get a real development on this mode for an even greater challenge.

While playing Bejewelled 3 via Xbox Live Arcade, I couldn’t help but wonder how much more fun modes such as Lightning would be on PC with the aid of a mouse. Let’s face it, valuable time for matching gems is wasted with the limited use of a controller. More importantly, I then began to wonder what kind of score I could rack up against my friends on Facebook if given the chance. I never said my gaming ethics were pretty, and the social networking site and iPhone app have given the game a great lease of life; just Google the demands for the android equivalent and you will see its popularity in play!

Imagine my horror then, to discover that when going online even after nearly three years of fast action, survival horror, many people still seem to make noob mistakes. As the self-proclaimed resident ‘Zombie Fantatic‘ at Ready Up, I have come to the conclusion that it is my duty to help my gaming peers prepare for another undead apocalypse by listing my top 10 dos and don’ts in Zombie Warfare. Forget Zombieland rules; this isn’t for survival, this is for winning!

#1: Plan Your Route – Whether you’re in a creepy old mansion, shopping mall, or a tropical island get-away, Zombies can and will pop up from anywhere. Bathtubs, cupboards or a tunnel of love – anywhere is a potential feeding ground. Your best chance of making it from A – B is strategically plotting your way through your location. Hordes of zombies can turn any trip from fun to nightmare within a matter of seconds so always watch your back, try not to attract unwanted attention and always listen out for the sound of trouble. Don’t be afraid to divert for health or food though, those extra few bars will save you in the end!

#2 : Don’t Be A Hero – As much as it’s great to go running in guns blazing, going off on a solo mission in games like Left 4 Dead will soon get you labelled a numpty. The slightest pounce from a hunter or licking from a smoker will have you in-capped quicker than you can say pipe-bomb. Rather than take the risk, never travel in anything less than a duo to ensure you can fight off any special infected – especially in multi-player. I, for one, will not be dropping my gas can to come rescue your ass!

#3: Know your enemies – Most recent zombie games are not shy of their own brands of super infected with extra special talents to get you deader, quicker. The key to killing them first is knowing where their limits lie. Learning how to knock away a Hunter, or what weapons target Gas-Zombies is invaluable, especially if playing online. If you’re playing as a zombie, make sure you know your strengths; whacking a trapped survivor can sometimes let them escape so know when you can help and when you should leave a team mate to take someone down solo!

#4: Never Underestimate The Power Of A Spiked Bat – you may think its cool and fun to run around with a chainsaw or light saber knock off, but serious zombie killers will never go for gloss over bloody glory. A weapon such as a spiked bat or defiler (axe and sledge hammer) will have a far higher damage ratio for its life span, as well as being more streamlined for quick use. Unless you’re going for an achievement, always reach for the old faithfuls.

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!

#5: Reload – There is nothing more terrifying or embarrassing than being faced with a horde of infected only to hear the click of an empty mag. Time is precious when the undead are trying to eat your arm off, so always be sure to reload whenever you get a second of peace. A full clip is a happy clip, and those extra few bullets could save you from disaster!

#6: Don’t Spend All Your Load At Once – Despite what Zombieland will tell you, you should always go sparingly on ammo. A blasting automatic shotgun may feel awesome to fire, but you’ll wish you’d saved some rounds by using your unlimited pistols when a tank wants to play catch with your face.  Don’t be afraid to go nuts with unlimited ammo firearms such as dual pistols and save those precious higher end bullets for when it really counts.

Don't even think about it, Jill

#7: A Pain Pill A Day Keeps The Zombies Away – You know the drill. You’ve left the confines of safety for mere minutes, and already a swipe has got your health into the yellow. That shiny health pack in your inventory looks oh so pretty but don’t let the idea of 90+ health tempt you into healing too soon. The good survivor will know that the need to fully heal can be prevented for a few more attacks, so instead of using precious health or food that may save you entirely before the end of the level, go for nothing more than a quick fix until your leg starts to hang off! Those in Willamette or Fortune City should also master the blender drink combos!

#8: No Big Badda-boom – It may feel like explosives such as pipe bombs or molotovs are easy to come by, but tactical use of side arms should never be underestimated, especially in single player! Fire is undoubtedly your best friend, especially when used correctly. Special Infected in most zombie games are much more quickly dispersed with the use of a Molotov so don’t just throw them away on a small batch of brain eaters, especially in finale levels; always save them for the big guys!

That's the way to do it: zombie gore Punch and Judy style!

#9: Know When To Witch Hunt - I know how tempting it is to go looking for the freaky madam when you hear that recognisable moan in the distance, but if truth be told, taking down a witch is nothing short of a waste of health unless you can’t progress without getting her out of the way. If you really must, use a shotgun to the face at close range as she’s getting up (on normal difficulty!) and you should take her down in 2 shots; on expert she will probably be tea-bagging your dead face unless you’re 3 miles away.

#10: Don’t Panic! – More often than not, most in-caps come from silly mistakes rather than the skill of the undead. Whether it’s relentlessly trying to pour a gas can into a generator while you’re getting pummelled or spat at, or setting your team mates on fire, just remember everything you have learned, take a breath and bat the undead away like hell – and you just might make it!

You have the tools, now fly my zombie-killing pretties, fly!

You are on Dead Island, the once luscious get-away of Banoi turned bananas in this FPS survival horror. There has been a lot of hype about this game in recent months, primarily thanks to a stunning movie-style trailer. Considering this game was originally announced to be in development five years ago, it was quite remarkable that people were so willing to dust off the cobwebs and pay attention, but seeing a little girl trying to eat peoples’ brains out will probably do that for you!

The only trouble there is that when you finally put the game in your console, you’ve hyped yourself up to expect the greatest title of all time to jump back out at you. Unfortunately, in reality you find a mish-mash of astounding games from the past three years, in a not so perfect, but undeniably ‘decent’ game.

From the get-go, Dead Island is like a gaming equivalent of a buffet table at a Gordon Ramsey restaurant, with a greatest hits of gaming styles on offer. The opening moments of the game feel incredibly like a not-so-under-water Bioshock, in style, graphics and controls. This is by no means a bad thing, as obviously Bioshock is one of the standout titles on next-gen consoles.

Graphically, the game is very attractive, and if it wasn’t for the undead swarming around the pool, I’d be tempted to book a package deal with Thomas Cook tomorrow. The playable area is huge and thanks to the main and sub missions, exploring the island doesn’t feel like a chore, despite the frustrating vehicle controls and views which are often required to travel from one part of the island to another!

Next on the menu is the combat system. This one takes a lot from Dead Rising, with weapon building components and even a workbench table to create them. Running on a blueprints system, the need to explore the island is essential to find the best weapon plans and the items needed to build them,  and once in hand, a whole host of limb slicing, bone crunching weaponry is at your disposal in beautiful bloody horror; this game definitely got its gore content right!

The four characters available all come with their own combination of upgradable weapon preferences and ‘Fury Skills’ (much like Borderlands!) so there is a definite lure of multiple run throughs to experience all that the individual characters have to offer. There is also the option for online four player co-op, and after running into some seriously beefy zombie ‘Thugs’, the appeal of getting a helping hand became more and more attractive! Once playing with others, the real survival element seems to feel more prominent and much more fun.

With each character as one of the only four people immune to the zombie virus on the island, much of the campaign is split in search and rescue missions for items and survivors, but like games of a similar genre, they rarely feel repetitive, mainly due to the threat of undead charging at you with a moment’s notice. The zombies themselves also offer an array of challenges depending on the particular classification (including walkers, infected, rams and butchers), who all level up alongside the characters.

The game overall offers some very enjoyable play time and also creates a good dosage of atmosphere despite the bright and sunny setting. As with most games, it does have its frustrations such as minor glitches and unclear mission directions which can often leave you in the middle of beaches scratching your head as you’re not quite sure exactly what it expects you to do. Once you find your groove, you begin to appreciate what the game has to offer, and with such a large island to explore, you’re sure to have hours of blood thirsty fun, regardless of where it got all its ideas from.

With a bit more consideration to the greater whole rather than the elements of gameplay that work well on their own, Dead Island could have been a scorcher. Unfortunately it feels like Techland spent far too much time blending the best ingredients from a variety of games instead of finding Dead Islands individual identity and being bold enough to make a real statement of its own that would be remembered for years to come.

*drool* *money leaks from wallet*

One of the many side effects that go along with my gaming habit (among others) is my love of collectibles. If money was no object my inner geek would quite happily spend its days in Forbidden Planet buying figurines, comics and anything with ‘Limited Edition’ stamped on it. Although I have managed to curb my expenses for this habit as much as I can, when it comes to games (and especially RPG’s) there is one thing I cannot do without: strategy guides.

It’s a bit of a tricky area really as although it’s not necessarily a ‘collectible’ it’s a part of my collection that often gets picked up before the game does.

It all started with Final Fantasy 7. I originally bought a second hand copy in Cash Converters what now seems like many moons ago and naturally I was soon hooked! It wasn’t until somewhere near the beginning of Disc 2 that I started to get myself incredibly frustrated with the notion of Materia and how to properly equip it. Back in those days there was no Gamefaqs.com or the like, so there was only one thing for it – down I trundled to the shopping centre and scoured the shelves for a game guide. Thankfully I found a copy of the Brady Games book and I instantly fell in love with it, and them!

Thank Jenova for this beauty!

Not only did their guide give me a much better insight into how to equip my items and collectibles with more ease and skill, but it gave me everything I needed to know about ANYTHING in the world of Final Fantasy 7. Another aspect of my adoration was the artwork, and I instantly began copying images and stills from the game… when I wasn’t clocking up hours of playing the actual game of course.

And so my obsession with the strategy guide was born, but… there is another tricky problem.

Where exactly does this lie in the eyes of cheating? Undoubtedly I am getting help, but I also believe that unless you are going out of your way to bring something out of the games coding that isn’t naturally there (hello extra life/weapon unlockers, I’m looking your way!) are you really cheating your way through a game?

To come to terms with my potential guilt, I’ve decided to look upon my Final Fantasy guide collection as merely ‘Gaming Sat Navs’. Would I have continued my journey through Final Fantasy 7 if I hadn’t got my map out? I’m more inclined to think I would have turned around and gone home, no matter how excited I was about where I was going. As a result I have undergone far more journeys than I thought I would, because I feel like something is there to nudge me in the right direction as and when I need it, and even take me on some scenic detours along the way to pick up ultimate weapons and ribbons.

Some may argue that my experiences are tainted, but am I any less in love with the games? Not on your Nelly! Have I ended up playing multiple times because the experience was so gratifying, thorough and not entirely frustratingly difficult to figure out? Definitely! I’ve seen all there is to see in my Final Fantasy collection (multiple times!) and wouldn’t change my experience for the world. There is a reason these games don’t have difficulty settings; it’s not how much of a struggle you had to get to the end but the exciting journey you had getting there that makes you take it again and again. And you even get to look at the pretty pictures!

That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!

I bring you the X-Box File

Sounds like the plot of a great game, but it’s actually from Terminator 2: Judgement Day; chuckle all you may but it’s a damn good film. We may have passed the date that the film’s fictional computer system, Skynet, was due to become self aware and start a nuclear holocaust against mankind by some 13 years, but the rapid advancement of technology is only a matter of time away from allowing such a fate to become a possible reality.

Less than a handful of decades ago, people may have predicted flying cars or extra-terrestrial war, but they also envisioned microwaves, laptops and mobile phones. Last week, we saw another glimpse into the immediate future of technology via the E3 Expo and the latest developments in gaming that will utilise hardware such as Kinect for Xbox 360, the PlayStation Move and the new handheld, PS Vita.

Now before I go completely ‘Mulder’ on all of you, let me just say I was sat down in front of my PC streaming coverage from the multiple conferences, getting all giddy just like the rest of you, particularly during Microsoft’s presentation. YouTube and Bing Search features through my Xbox 360 dashboard? Bring it on! And I’m hopeful that live TV streaming will be as available in Europe as it will inevitably be in the States.

During the 6 years that the 360 has been sitting in our homes, we have become used to the constant updates and downloads that are forever fine tuning our beloved consoles and the interface that lets us use them. When it came to Kinect however, I’ve been a little… reserved, in my judgements.

Initial reports of needing a living room the size of Buckingham Palace (okay maybe not that big) in order to use it properly, put me off wanting to waste money on a piece of hardware I couldn’t use to its full potential. The sceptic in me also wondered why Microsoft were still neglecting to release an official USB mouse to use with titles such as Civilization or FPS games, and were putting all of their eggs into the motion camera basket instead.

The answer: it seems you can do much more with Kinect than you could a mouse and keyboard — go figure! Going back to last Monday evening, my mouth dropped open in disbelief during the Ghost Recon: Future Soldier segment of the 360 conference. Through voice recognition and hand movement alone, handyman Chris demonstrated the potential of the Kinect to completely control the interface of the game from stripping a weapon into pieces, to test-running sights in a shooting range; we are no longer that far removed from the interactive displays seen in the likes of Star Wars or Star Trek: The Next Generation. Seeing Kinect used in what I would call a hardcore game, rather than a novelty dance title for example, seemed to give it some serious credibility.

Later in the session, we were shown another of Kinect’s new abilities when it came to reading the environment around it. Using the Kinect camera, our Xbox 360s will now be able to perform ‘People Scanning’, picking up individual details such as our faces, clothing, body type, even our hairstyle, and creating a digital replica for our avatars. Smiling Abigail Lee paraded in front of the crowd, and thousands watching at home declaring that it will even detect our eye colour. Eye colour? Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that the camera is strong enough to pick that up? Then it hit me.

If this is what they’re willing to tell us it can do, what could they not be telling us? Imagine a peripheral that not only detected what shoe you were wearing that day, but what brand of soft drink was sitting on your table, or what DVDs were in your collection on the shelves behind you? If it can detect whether you have blue or brown eyes, who’s to say (in time) that it couldn’t also give you a detailed retinal scan while dancing to Bananarama like an 80s throwback, or sum you up for army potential by judging your physical stance, aim and athleticism while playing Ghost Recon? Microsoft being the giants they are certainly would have a rather large library of stats on all of us when over 55 million consoles have been sold worldwide…

My god it’s a monster! And calling it People Scanning isn’t helping my paranoia, Microsoft!

You won't be smiling if my theories are correct, love!

My point is, while it is so easy to be in awe of technology that is revolutionising the games industry, we are slowly but surely getting to a point where the science fiction of our childhood is having an obvious development path in our present. Call me paranoid, but if my grandparents had seen Kinect when they were young, they would have thought it was alien. Maybe that’s what they uncovered in Roswell in 1947: a Kinect and iPhone 5! Is it so strange to wonder where this could all be heading?

What we are seeing now is nothing short of a leap in gaming; how long will it be until we see the leap for mankind that features killer cyborgs, government tabs and maybe even hoverboards (conspiracy theories also need a bit of fun!)? One thing’s for sure, our favourite games companies will only show us what they want us to see, but the possibilities of what is being developed behind closed doors is endless. You might consider me paranoid now but bring on E3 2021; I might just be saying I told you so!

Kinect 1000 aka a Microsoft X-Terminator

Two months ago I was given a review copy of PopCap Greatest Hits Volume 2, a nifty collection of four of the company’s corking games. I’d experienced three of its titles (Feeding Frenzy 2, Plants vs Zombies and Heavy Weapon) in some shape or form before, but when it came to Zuma, I was a noob. I’d seen adverts for Zuma Blitz pop up on Facebook when indulging myself in Bejewelled but I’d never got as far as clicking on the Aztec frog smiling at me to actually see what it was all about.

So there I was, with my PopCap collection gleaming at me through the TV, armed and ready to give it a go for the sake of our readers. I efficiently knocked down the initial stages of coloured balls for an hour or so, and was left fairly satisfied but not overly gripped by what it had to offer; I believe my review stated that it was ‘by no means dull… probably the least addictive of the four’.

And that is where my mistake crept in.

Before receiving the review I was playing Dragon Age: Origins and for the first time in a long while, I was feeling less than motivated to complete the overly complicated, ‘I wanna be an MMO’ mess that I found it to be. On the top of my stack of yet-to-finish games was Zuma. It was uncomplicated, colourful, and didn’t require five minutes of dialogue skipping just to get back into a fight that I would ultimately lose; it sounded like a plan.

In my Zuma naivety, I assumed I could probably take an evening or two to complete it, and then hand back Dragon Age to finish off Silent Hill Homecoming instead. How wrong could I be…

Don't be fooled, the frog isn't always smiling.

After week one, I’d managed to progress to level 6 and had begun to wonder if there would be no end to how many new coloured balls would be added onto my trail…

By the end of week two, I had managed to claw my way to level 8, and started to feel like a bit of a numpty for not completing what appeared to be a simple game, much more quickly…

Week three and it started to become infuriating. I Googled how many damn levels there were to Zuma and it said 13. I gave up on Dragon Age completely and officially declared war on the Aztec Frog and his coloured balls of doom, unlocking the achievement for 20 hours game play in the process. Oh dear.

During week four, Mark, among others, had begun to notice that my Zuma obsession was getting rather tense and was still unsuccessful. I raged onwards, clawing my way to level 12. I should have packed a tent because it was going to be a long stay.

Week five and I was still on level 12, barely able to scrape past three rounds. The Snooker World Championship started and, unlike other years where I had taken a keen interest, I couldn’t watch for longer than five minutes without wanting to smash the coloured balls through my TV screen with a mallet.

During week six most nights became full of expletives declaring myself nothing less than a raving, effing idiot for not being able to finish the damn thing. The low point came when, in a moment of genius, I plotted to take advantage of the auto-save feature to jump back in to a higher round if it all went sour. After quitting to the menu I accidentally pressed New Game and had to start from scratch… my TV almost had a controller through it, again.

The start of May kicked off week seven and it had been one of non-gaming achievements. I’d worked on filming and editing a short movie for a United Nations project, raised £400 for Cancer Research by taking part in Race for Life and I started to take control of my dog phobia by befriending the new family puppy, Ruby. If it was going to happen, it would be now.

With a bottle of Corona and a bar of Galaxy Cookie Crumble by my side I took it on. I battled through rounds 1-4 with relative confidence; round 5 as ever proved to be the toughie with its double tracked challenge. Round 6 only claimed one of my lives and finally, after weeks of trying, and to my absolute horror and disgust, I finally finished Zuma with a life spare.

The air turned blue. Seven weeks of obsession and hell and within the space of 15 minutes I finished it all.

$*%&^*£ ZUMA!

So here I am, openly asking to amend a statement.

Zuma: It may not appear to be much at first, but if you let it, it will consume you with a fiery gaming love/hate relationship and take over your console for weeks. It will eat away your soul trying, but there won’t be much better than finally having that achievement pop up on your Gamerscore knowing you finally kicked the Aztec Frog in the ass.

Lozzy 1 – Zuma 0

Nokia N-Gage

Back in 2003 Nokia decided that if people were going to play games while on their mobile phone, they should be able to have an array of titles bigger than Snake. As a result they created the Nokia N-Gage, a mobile phone with supposedly ‘serious’ video game capabilities. While the concept now seems obvious while we walk around on mobile phones with thousands of games applications at our fingertips, even a matter of years ago technology and design limited the capability and popularity of the N-Gage to a disastrous level.

The average feeling of an N-Gage owner

Unfortunately, Nokia’s design team couldn’t quite decide if the phone aspect of the device should come secondary to its gaming capabilities. As a result they created a Frankenstein’s monster of a mobile phone that had buttons that felt completely backward to game with, while making you look like some kind of jackass holding a shoe to their head when you answered calls.

The N-Gage, even with its very limited game catalogue, did spot a gaping hole the in the mobile phone meets hand held console market. Fast forward eight years and a large number of us are flicking birds into wood and concrete on our handsets. Ultimately it took development in technology and a much smarter company to tie all the ends together and let us game and talk on the move while not looking like fools doing it!

Sega Game Gear

The Sega Game Gear can only be described as a console that should have been huge, but didn’t really live up to scratch. Designed to be a portable Sega Master System, the Game Gear was created to rival the Nintendo Game Boy which had been a huge commercial success for almost two years by the time the Sega-made alternative hit shelves. Unlike the dominant Game Boy, the Game Gear had several technological advantages.

Firstly the console played in colour! While the Game Boy had opted for a monochrome display, the Game Gear hit the market like a Technicolor rainbow. Although less popular colour display hand helds such as the Atari Lynx had already hit shelves, the notion of a portable Master System could not be ignored.

Secondly, the screen was back-lit, allowing gamers to play in dark rooms without desperately trying to angle the screen towards a light source to play! Alongside this, Sega had opted to design the console to be played horizontally (compared to the Game Boy’s vertical design), which would have made the configuration of the Game Gear much more spacious and comfortable to play, if it hadn’t been so damned huge!

The downside to the Game Gear was the incredibly short battery life. While the market leading Game Boy could last from 10-14 hours on only 4 AA batteries, the Game Gear required six every three hours; the cost of colour is pricey, my friends! As a result many gamers felt increasingly frustrated with the high consumption rate of the console, leaving Game Boy to become the hand held device of choice for many, especially for long trips with kids in tow!

In short, the Game Gear came close, but not close enough, to fully understanding the demands of portable gaming. Pretty colours just don’t cut it if you can only get down the road before you need to stop at Woolworths to get some more batteries!

Atari Lynx

The most noticeable feature of the Atari Lynx was its ability to claim the title of ‘first colour display hand held console’. With a heading like that to its name you would assume the console would have had a much happier end than the fate it succumbed to; unfortunately the back story behind the Lynx is one full of bad mistakes and unfortunate timing.

The Atari Lynx began production around the same time as the Nintendo Game Boy in the late 1980’s. Boasting a colour LCD display and a reversible design that suited both right and left handed players, the Lynx was definitely a console with potential, on paper at least. In reality, a company the size of Atari could not compete with the likes of Nintendo and even Sega later on in its lifespan, particularly due to the limits of its games catalogue.

The Lynx was outshone by rival companies from day one, even at its first unveiling at the 1989 CES showcase. A colour handheld with a few potentially good games and a retail value of $180 just couldn’t look as fresh and exciting as a Nintendo made console with the likes of Super Mario Land and Tetris under its wing at half the price. One of the final nails in the coffin was Atari’s inability to supply its potential demand on the market upon release, leaving many people once again turning to Nintendo when they couldn’t find an Atari Lynx in stock; even when they were prepared to pay good money for one.

Despite revamping efforts to rejuvenate the console, Atari’s luck was always caught short. Yet another example of how bigger and better doesn’t always equal success.

The original Neo Geo Pocket

Neo Geo Pocket/Pocket Colour

Meet the Neo Geo Pocket, a hand held console released by arcade giants SNK in 1998 that had the almighty life span of *drum roll please*… one year! You would think that being the descendant of a games company responsible for classic titles such as Fatal Fury, Puzzle Bobble and King of Fighters would give it some leverage, but unfortunately despite its good breeding the Neo Geo was born among giants.

At a time where hype surrounding video games consoles was primarily directed towards the Sony PlayStation, Nintendo 64 and the upcoming Sega Dreamcast, the hand held console arena had begun to plateau. The market had been solidly dominated by the Nintendo Game boy for just short of a decade, and was starting to get whispers of a new model in the Game Boy Advance being in production. The original Neo Geo Pocket was behind before it hit shelves, particularly due to its monochrome display, and was soon scrapped to make way for the Neo Geo Pocket Colour.

The updated Neo Geo Pocket Colour

SNK, however, did have the potential to compete at a strong level, and although listed here as a failure, can arguably be described the best of the flops. Initial sales were strong, particularly in North America and in terms of units sold was the biggest rival to the Game Boy next to the Sega Game Gear.

Unfortunately, SNK were a company in financial trouble, and a moderately successful hand held console did little to retrieve them from imminent doom. By 2000 they were bought out by Aruze, who soon put a stop to production on all SNK Neo Geo consoles due to poor reception and sales. Given a little more financial backing and support the Neo Geo could have grounded itself enough to be classed as notably successful, however it wasn’t meant to be.

Gizmondo

Ladies and gentlemen, please do not put your hands together for what is officially known as the worst selling hand held console in the history of gaming – the Gizmondo!

Spawning from virtually unknown company Tiger Telematics, the Gizmondo was released in 2005 to a dead reception. Launched from a store in London’s Regent Street, the fate of the Gizmondo was obvious from the start. Tiger Telematics were a company living the dream, assuming that gamers would blindly invest in a console that had little credibility with no solid advertising campaign bar an overly glossy launch party with over-paid celebrities endorsing the product before a penny of profit was made.

The company’s poor knowledge and lack of respect for the industry was supported with less than 25,000 unit sales of the device, primarily due to its lack of development and poor availability, particularly in North America. Unsurprisingly Tiger Telematics were bankrupted within a year citing ‘development costs for the Gizmondo and non-cash expenses’ as the main cause of financial strain.

Ms Minogue you really don't add anything to the credibility of the Gizmondo. Do you even know what a video game is?

Little about the console was groundbreaking. Two variations of the console were available, the only difference being the cheaper of the two devices displayed advertisements on the Gizmondo’s home page via a GPRS signal to subsidize the cost of the console. Despite the planning of the advertising system, (including a built in map application that would direct console owners to the nearest stores offering the advertised products) the ‘Smart-Adds’ application was never initiated, allowing buyers of the cheaper console to be left with exactly the same console as those who had (if at all) invested in the more expensive machine.

The Gizmondo in many respects was influenced by the Nokia N-Gage, implementing mobile telephone technology to add features to the design and despite its failure, did boast the first in-built camera for a hand held console. However Tiger Telematics should have learned more from the N-Gage lesson in that if a successful dominator of the mobile market couldn’t make it work, a small-manned operation with no real knowledge of the games industry and a penchant for buying things they couldn’t afford would undoubtedly flop quicker than SuBo on a diving board…

And they did!

That, my friends, concludes the top 10 devices (console and hand held) that you really shouldn’t have bothered owning. In retrospect most consoles have their part to play (even the Gizmondo!) in opening someone’s mind to a newer, better and more evolved machine that will take our gaming world into even headier heights of wonder. They say you always learn from your mistakes, and judging by this bunch we have a lot of lessons behind us!

Coming soon Epic Wins: Games consoles that changed the World

Read Epic Fails Part 1: Consoles

My hero! ♥

I am a zombie fanatic.

Fact.

I love zombie movies, books, legend and of course zombie games. My fascination with the undead was, in fact, ignited by Resident Evil back in 1996 and since then, I haven’t looked back.

Capcom’s zombie exploits tuned into a part of me that soon craved that feeling of fear and excitement that only survival horror could satisfy and, for many a year, fed that insatiable desire frequently and with a bang.

The sequels and prequels spawned from the original Resident Evil title were (bar a few exceptions) incredible. Resident Evil 3, surprisingly for many, has always been my favourite. I don’t know why but Nemesis, with his scary “STTAAARRSSS” growl and rocket launcher in tow, not only gave me heart attacks while playing, but also kinda made me love him for it. He was Resident Evil incarnate; the mutated biological threat that could show up any time, any place and leave your bloody remains smeared on a darkened alley wall while you were innocently looking for a hexagonal crank… amazing!

By 2002 and with the release of Resident Evil 0 on the Nintendo Game Cube, the franchise was now six years old. Gamers were beginning to tire with the increasingly familiar style of play, although still desperately in love with the series. Enter Resident Evil reborn in an entirely redesigned, rethought out version of the original title for the Game Cube including superior graphics, new puzzles and upgraded weapons and tactics that became a shining beacon that screamed ‘Resident Evil we love you!’ (are you listening, Square Enix, your remade versions of Final Fantasy 7 and 8 are loooong overdue!)

Old to new; the Resident Evil remake was nothing short of masterful!

A part of this overwhelming rehash for Resident Evil was the introduction of the Crimson Head.

*Insert white jacket, spectacle wearing, science Loz*: Also known as V-ACT, the ‘Crimson Head’ hyper-zombies are infected with particular strains of the original T-Virus which continue to mutate the victim after the initial zombification process. The evolution from undead to crimson head can continue even after supposed death from injury, unless the spinal column is severed (through being shot or stabbed in the head) or the body is cremated.

The result of this particular infection while active results in hypertension within the construct of the victim (high blood pressure) giving the body its flushed-red demeanour. Other side effects also include increased strength, agility, aggression towards other life forms and amplified defences against most weapons. In scientific terms: RUN LIKE HELL! Here endeth the zombie lesson.

In short, the Crimson Head zombie was the link between progression of the series through possible viral strains, unknown threats and biological experiments by the Umbrella Corporation while remaining true to the franchise. Imagine my shock when loading up Resident Evil 4 some three years later when I was greeted with the information that Umbrella as we knew it was dead. Bankrupted by a government investigation into the company’s secret activities, all known development of the T-Virus had been disbanded.

Las Plagas? You can Las shove-off!

What the fu–!

The U-turn from the potential direction of the series, to a completely new and unknown biological threat of ‘Las Plagas’, confused and even angered fans. The survival horror aspect of Resident Evil that had engrossed so many had been stripped from its very foundations and replaced by a parasite that didn’t even zombify its victims. Pathetic! Although the game play of both Resident Evil 4 and 5 was enjoyable in its own right and had many interesting features, it undoubtedly sent the franchise in a direction that felt alien to its roots.

No one can deny that the series needed a little shake up, but with such massive potential at its fingertips, the new action styled game play disappointed many who had grown to love the survival horror elements of the game. This tang of regret was only fuelled further in recent years by the release of games such as Left4Dead and even Dead Space; although both different takes on the survival horror genre they undoubtedly showed the gaming world that it was still possible to do new and scary at once when it came to the undead.

After completing Resident Evil 5 and its expansion packs, like many gamers my mind began to wonder if the series could ever return to its style of years gone by after so much had happened and other games had clearly pulled off the transition to next gen style gaming. Would the Las Plagas ever give way to the bounty of horror wealth beneath the surface of the T-Virus that still waited to be uncovered and explored?

A few weeks ago while checking Twitter I noticed that Capcom had officially announced another title in the series. A part of me almost didn’t feel interested until I saw the title – Resident Evil: Operation Racoon City.

Now this is more like it!

Wait a minute, Racoon City? But that’s before Las Plagas, when the streets were lined with zombies wanting to rip off your face and eat your brains; when it was scary and fun! According to the initial information, the game will be a third-person shooter that takes place during the time scale of Resident Evil 2 and Nemesis, from the perspective of two opposing Special Tactics units acting outside the roles of Leon, Claire and Jill from the original games. Most interestingly the events for both teams can affect the known outcome of the previous storylines of older Resident Evil games… if there was ever a chance to rewrite history into how it should have been made, it’s now, gamers!

Until further information is released, your undead correspondent is signing off for now, leaving you with this first taster at what is to come later in 2011. Until next time zombie-lovers.

Click here to view the embedded video.

In the past 10 years the American company has gone from strength to strength, developing games available for pretty much any electronic device you can think of. They currently distribute over 40 original games, a large number of which are probably known by even the least likely of people. Even my Mum has been known to dabble in a bit of Bejewelled on her Facebook, and she only just about knows how to log in!

The fact is that PopCap know how to mix a perfect blend of elements to make extremely addictive gaming that appeals to a wide audience and in a very short space of time have released games that can undoubtedly be called ‘classics’. Many of these titles have graced Xbox Live Arcade and PlayStation Network, but are now being packaged on disc for those who are mad enough to have not tried them yet, the latest being PopCap Hits: Vol 2.

Like its predecessor Vol 1, PopCap Hits offers a collection of four popular PopCap titles. This incarnation includes Feeding Frenzy 2: Shipwreck Showdown, Heavy Weapon, Zuma and the almighty Plants Vs Zombies. If you are unfamiliar with any of these games, where the hell have you been? Chances are your average gamer will have experienced at least one of these titles, but fans of the developer will more than likely be interested in experiencing games that they haven’t tried so far for the relatively cheap price of £17.99.

Feeding Frenzy 2: Shipwreck Showdown picks up from where the original title left off with lots of fish munching on each other on the bottom of the ocean. Over the space of 60 levels in single player (multi-player options are also available), you will take the role of a variety of fishy friends, where your main aim is to eat other fish in order to grow bigger. As you progress through levels a variety of obstacles come your way, including larger predators such as sharks, mines and jellyfish. Your little finned pal can gobble power ups as well as marine life, all with their own array of abilities which, as the difficulty of the levels increases, become more and more necessary.

Heavy Weapon transports you from sea to land in this fast-paced and hectic side scrolling shooter. You play as an armoured tank with the sole purpose of fighting off a communist army invasion with your variety of attacks. Like many scrolling shooters of a similar style, the ability to survive lies heavily on your capability to keep your eyes on everywhere at once, with attacks coming from all angles, boss levels and depending on which option of play you choose, a very limited number of lives!

Zuma slows down the action, kind of, in this colourful puzzle quest. Similar to styles of games like Puzzle Bobble, you have to eliminate coloured balls by creating groups of each colour before the moving trail of balls reaches the end of the line. Imagine Mission Impossible’s opening sequence with a multicoloured necklace instead of a counting down fuse and you can kind of imagine the predicament at hand. While the game is by no means dull, it is probably the least addictive of the four, which is fine, as you will probably be far too occupied with foliage, fish or mortar attacks flying above your head!

Plants Vs Zombies… is there anything more I can say? Very much like Peggle from PopCap Hits Vol. 1, this is undoubtedly the star if the show. Based on tower defence style play, Plant Vs Zombies is pretty much that! You have an array of plant themed attack and defence mechanisms at your disposal which increase in variety as levels progress. Each item has a price, and you have to earn cash in order to build up your organic army and survive wave upon wave of undead attacks on your garden. Simple? Not quite. If it wasn’t a hell of a lot of fun you could end up throwing your controller at the screen, and even if you did you would still go back for more. This addition to the collection will make it a real bargain as Plants Vs Zombies currently retails at 1200 Credits on XBLA, the equivalent of nearly £7 on its own.

My only criticism is that if you’ve already bought one of the titles, and some of them have been around for a while now, it may be a cheaper investment for you to buy the other games available separately through XBLA. If you’re new to these little gems, then this is definitely an investment worth considering as you will undoubtedly get as much, if not more, gameplay from these four titles than some big retail releases for half the price.