Author: Jake

  • Life On Mars

    When I was younger, so much younger than today, I used to have a Spectrum. It was a +2, with a built in tape deck. It was brilliant. Even when it didn’t work properly, all you had to do was jam the blade of a Swiss Army Knife into the air vent which propped up…

  • The Skyrim Diaries: We Need To Talk About Lydia

    Day 70 I’ve slept for, according the highly detailed records I seem to be keeping, 13 hours. I’ve been pottering around Skyrim now for 70 days. It’s been a good seventy days. I’ve been all over the place. I’ve joined guilds, got in over my head more than once, and had to run through a…

  • The Skyrim Diaries

    Day One – Morning I do not know what the Oblivion happened to me yesterday. I remember drinking some Nirnroot home brew and trying to get lucky, but after that it’s all a blur. I woke up in a cart, for God’s sake, a cart.  My hands were tied. There were three others in the…

  • Hardboiled Chicken

    Hardboiled Chicken is a one-man army. Or a one-chicken army, in fact. Entering your living room to the strains of a song by the rock band New World Revolution (who provide the music throughout the game), Hardboiled Chicken is here to overthrow the penguin dictatorship of Albatropolis. Obviously. Hardboiled Chicken is a side-scrolling, platforming shoot…

  • Dead Rising 2: Off The Record

    Have you ever seen the film Sliding Doors? Gwyneth Paltrow runs for the tube and the doors slam in her face. She’s missed the tube home and she’s terribly sad. But in a parallel universe, she managed to catch the train and everything was great. And then she was run over by a van. Dead…

  • Soul Salvation

    At this year’s Eurogamer Expo I made a beeline straight for the most soul-destroying, enthusiasm-crushing game I could think of. I did this every day I was there and I started off with a healthy dose of dying on my arse. Dark Souls. And I loved it. I loved it a lot. But it wasn’t…

  • Games In A Nutshell II

    It’s time, once again, to cut down on the flim-flam and get straight to the heart of the matter. We gamers are busy people and, with more and more titles available, it’s hard to find the time to read about the games. So, with Games In A Nutshell, I’m bringing you all you need to…

  • Tree of Knowledge

    There’s a chance, if pub trivia machines ever gain any kind of sentience that they’ll all think their name is “bastard” or, depending on the quality of your local, something much, much worse. Luring you in with the come-to-gamble eyes of beardy-weirdy Noel Edmonds, or the wandering eyes of round-faced bombshell Chris Tarrant, pub quiz…

  • Oh, Elena…

    Thanks to the wonders of an impending deadline, and the need to take a break from putting words into a snowman’s mouth in an entertaining and engrossing fashion, I have recently played through Uncharted and Uncharted 2. I know I am late to the party. I am so late that all the balloons have gone…

  • White Knight Chronicles II

    Ah, poor Yulie. It’s not bad enough that your best friend/love interest is besotted by a princess who happens to be the resurrected Anthwani Queen. Or that your best friend has stumbled onto a giant magical suit of armour while trying to rescue the princess, or that the flash Harry, Caeser, has come along and…