In my quest at working through my PS Plus backlog I’ve been playing the two PSP God of War game recently and it further cements my opinion that Kratos is easily the worst, most unlikeable protagonist I’ve ever played as in a game. Ever.

I already hated Kratos from his appearance in the PS3 God of War trilogy. A shouting, angry man who ends up killing his wife and child and then blames the gods for his mess. He then proceeds through each game murdering people, some of which are just in the wrong place at the wrong time all in the quest for revenge. Of course Kratos finds time mid-murder to have sex with topless ladies for a few seconds before continuing his blood soaked adventure.

From a story perspective it’s a series that feels like it was written by a fifteen year old angry at the world outside as he shouts at his parents before storming off his to his bedroom. Or at least an adult who thinks this is what that kind of person enjoys. It’s a game series that desperately wants to be edgy but ends up being a little sad as you shake your head at it in disbelief.

For the first two games in the series I was mostly able to overlook the issues with our protagonist, it is God of War 3 where things unravel. Despite from a gameplay perspective being my favourite in the series, it has my least favourite moment where I almost threw my controller away and said, “I’m done”. Something that they actually, slightly tweaked in the HD update they released for PS4, which goes to show that even the developers thought it was slightly stupid.

The moment in question comes after you kill Poseidon and come across his princess. Despite doing nothing but cowering in fear, this isn’t good enough for Kratos who practically throws her through the level until we reach a point she becomes useful. This being a door that cannot be held open, that is unless something would be tied to the chain next to it. Cue our protagonist using the princess to hold up the door, as she screams and you pass under you hear the sound of her being crushed by the weight of the door. If this bit of cold hearted murder wasn’t enough the trophy “I didn’t do it…but I wish I did” pops up on screen.

What? I mean, why? I’m not the overly sensitive type, and in the decades of playing games have I never had a moment that registered such a negative emotion in me before. At least they had the common sense to remove the trophy from the HD update, the act of murdering the princess is still intact but at least you aren’t rewarded for doing so. It makes me wonder about the mental state of someone who would write that trophy description. So far nothing I’ve seen in the two PSP games have come close to this, though there was a moment where a human soldier was trapped, begging for help, unfortunately I had to drop a boulder on him so I could climb up onto the ledge above. Classic Kratos, what a lad!

there was a moment where a human soldier was trapped, begging for help, unfortunately I had to drop a boulder on him so I could climb up onto the ledge above. Classic Kratos, what a lad!

This brings me onto the next installment of God of War, this reboot-like story featuring Kratos and his kid was unveiled at last year’s E3 and came with it a massive groan from me. Despite his story seemingly being complete we are back with another tale, little is known other than the angle being Kratos now has a child who follow him about. But this being GOW I wouldn’t be surprised if the child is killed thanks to Kratos’ stupidity who then spends the rest of the game shouting at the heavens and starting a murder spree anew.

I’m not a God of War fan.

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