Gaming going down the pan

Allow me to tell you the tale of a place of legend and a battle waged between light and dark. It begins in the toilet, a place of solitude where mankind can create great things, contemplate the day or get some reading done.

Then one day the most creative among us held onto their Gameboy as their bowels stirred, desperately hanging on until divine wisdom struck, not unlike Isaac Newton’s discovery of gravity. This legend among mere mortals thought “Wait! This game doesn’t have to end!” running to the toilet with speed. They place their buttocks on the seat and let nature take the call whilst collecting a 1-up in Mario Land, and the world of gaming was forever changed.

mario
A revolution born

From that moment on video games and toilets went together throughout history. Lines were cleared in Tetris. Princesses were rescued from their reptilian kidnappers and Pokemon were caught. Every last one of them while the echoes sounded out from the porcelain bowl and the world did know peace until the dark days came.

As handheld console were joined by mobiles at first twas a harmonious existence. “Sure the mobile could play snake but only the DS had Phoenix Wright!” , proclaimed the people. But as the Mobile grew in power the people forgot about Nintendo’s teachings and eventually moved on. Gone were the sounds of yore replaced now with the sound of Farmville, Candy Crush requests and birds as angry as can be…. the world laid in ruins.

cc
Pictured: a world in ruins last tuesday

But fear not brave reader as the battle is not yet lost; a revolution is at hand and it needs your support. Go now! Strike back at the mobile forces in whatever way you can! Man your 3DS as you evacuate your system. Wii-U’s off screen play is perfect for gaming while you rip a grumpy that will make the gods cower! Even bitter Nintendo enemies such as Sony with their Vita and Sega with their portable licensed mega drives stand united in the face of the enemy of real portable gaming and satisfying bowel movements.

The battle can be won but it needs your support! Now, who’s with me?!

hqdefault

Basically this blog is a very long winded way of saying I just played Streets of Rage 2 on the bog and it was amazing!


Posted

in

, ,

by

Comments

One response to “Gaming going down the pan”

  1. waywardcloud avatar
    waywardcloud

    The whole of Streets of Rage?!!! Was there a queue forming outside? Did you start to develop nappy rash? Tony Topper on the Secret Cabal podcast often rates IOS games by how conductive they are to toilet trips. I think you might be onto something there…

Leave a Reply