E3 Reactions: Sony

The Sony conference begins, (mostly) on time!

Dean: Montage time! Ah, Sony love their humongous screens
Jason: I saw Godzilla!
Scott: Lots of swearing in that song
Dean: This press conference is rated M for Mature
Hello, Shawn Layden *waves* He has the same dynamic beard tech as Geralt of Rivia!
It’s just starting to grow back in!
Jason: By the end of the show he’ll be a Viking
Dean: Gaming “is the cultural zeitgeist.” Thanks for that platitude, Shawn. Less telling, more showing pleeze!

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Scott: IS THIS HAPPENING
Dean: May… be. Yes it is! THE LAST GUARDIAN!
Scott: Looks pretty. The background look almost directly like a fusion between ICO/Shadow of the Colossus. Cute doggy!
Dean: Yeah – isn’t this exactly the same footage as was shown like 8 years ago though? They just dug out the only trailer… Oh, it is different!
Scott: CHOMP! GAME OVER
Dean: Nice catch. It totally looked like it was going to eat the kid. I love how the kid looks like a cartoon and the dog beast looks real!

Scott: Still starring: Falkor from The Neverending Story
Dean: I hope there’s a button dedicated to giving himself a scratch!

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Having showed us the past, Sony now turns to the future, while Dean gets confused

Scott: New franchise?
Dean: Lovely Shuhei Yoshida – such a nice man
Hello, Hermen Hulst! *waves*
What did Guerrilla do?
Scott: They’re the Killzone guys, I think
Dean: Ah, yes
Wait. Cyborg giraffes! I thought this was going to be a story of man versus nature in the distant future.
Scott: Starting to look quite scripted, now, but looks nice

Dean: Nice to see a red headed protagonist, too! She looks like the girl in Brave.
Jason: In the robo-balls!
Dean: Yeah, the environment is lush
Scott: Hey, it’s that gun from Crackdown 2, which I also previewed!
Shame about the final game; it had some good ideas
Dean: Those tethers look cool…

Dean: Is Crackdown 2 out???
Scott: Hahaaha! Yes, Dean
Jason: I reviewed Crackdown 2 as well
Scott: Like, six years ago 😉
Dean: What did Xbox announce last year? I thought it was Crackdown 2
Scott: Nah, Dean.
Jason: Crackdown 3 Dean
Scott: Yeah, that was a Crackdown reboot/sequel/thing
Dean: Shit, I’m a sequel adrift
Scott: Can’t blame you, really. It’s a shame Crackdown 2 turned out like it did… the developers were really nice people, and had some great ideas. It was rushed.
Jason: Just pretend it didn’t happen Dean… I do
Scott: Anyway, that was Horizon: Zero Dawn!

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In which new challengers arrive

Scott: Street Fighter V! There’s a beta coming…
Jason: No, dude, it’s pronounced “bitta” not “beta”; the hot French girl said so!
Dean: They’re talking about how SFV will “deepen and evolve as it goes on.” I’m intrigued.

Scott: Hey, it’s Birdie, from SF1. And Cammy.
Jason: I’m never getting Karin, am I?
Dean: Not unless you shape up and get a haircut, Jason!
I don’t know anything about fighting games – did that look good?
Jason: It did!

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In which the Brits get creative

Scott: Hello Games, now. Real gameplay of No Mans Sky, maybe?
Dean: Hello, Shaun Murray from Hello games! *waves* He looks a bit more confident this year
Scott: Space battles. Hey, there might actually be a game, now!
Dean: This game scares me a bit
Scott: Giant universe, which is blowing away the crowd (and with good reason), but considering Elite did something similar to this on ANCIENT hardware, this seems entirely possible. It’s just numbers until they’re rendered, probably.
Dean: It’s like looking up at the night sky and feeling utterly insignificant…
Scott: Here we go. As they enter the atmosphere I figure that’s where it’s properly generated from the seed!
Dean: “It’s not the prettiest planet – I’ve seen better, but I’ve also seen a lot worse”. Classic British sarcasm. I’m not sure if he sounds bored or coy.
Scott: E3 FISH!
Dean: Will the sentinels be on every planet – perhaps as a unifying feature?

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Scott: Media Molecule, now…
Dean: Building and sharing dreams – not sure anyone would want to see mine
This is an evolution of their sculpting tech they showed a couple of years ago right?
Scott: The game is literally called Dreams, right?
Jason: Woah!
Dean: Very creative looking – I appreciate the ‘Life is but a dream’ guitar solo
Scott: Kirsten has some thoughts:

Dean: Turns out a lot of people dream of penises

In which Adam Boyes gushes over Destiny and Evie smashes skulls

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Dean: Hello, Adam Boyes *waves* Love this guy
Scott: Adam is a nice dude. Hangs out at Giant Bomb a lot, and talks to callers during their live shows.
Dean: I want to hug him
Scott: Also, starred in 2013’s infamous DRM-free ‘sharing’ video about the PS4 and used games. And now: obligatory Destiny section…
Dean: Is this part of the rumoured £35 expansion? New classes?
Adam Boyes vouches for the “delicious” new supers. I’d prefer a nice supper, personally.

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Scott: More AC: Syndicate, now
Dean: Looks like they found the time to render a female assassin in this one. Her name is Evie.
Scott: ZING!
Dean: I love a sassy lady
Scott: Evie, huh? Short for Evelyn or something? I have an Aunt Evelyn.
Dean: That cane sword is right out of Bloodborne

Jason: Eevee the Pokemon?
Dean: Yes, that’s Scott’s Aunt! She evolves into Evelyn though
Scott: Or eight other Pokemon!

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Surprise Final Fantasy thing

Scott: Final Fantasy? WHAT IS THIS?!
Dean: Chibi
Scott: It sounds like becoming chibi is actually a gameplay mechanic.
That was. “World of Final Fantasy”
Jason: Square Enix are like, “Shall we remake FF7?” “Nah, stick a Chocobo on someone’s head…”
Dean: Wonder if that ties into Record Keeper?

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Scott: IS THIS IT? IS THIS IT!?
Scott: DON’T TROLL US AGAIN.
Dean: I think Sony might have won E3
Jason: OH MAH GAWD!!
Scott: It happened
Dean: The one remake that isn’t a disappointing remake
Scott: I don’t think anyone will care about the rest of the conference.
They can shut it down.
(Actually, whatever is on screen from Devolver right now looks cool)
Dean: It all looks a bit similar though – Microsoft showed a better range of indies this year.

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In which we lose our shit again

Scott: AHHHHHH
Jason: OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Dean: Er.. Eeeeeeeeehehehehehhhhhhhh It’s Shenmue. Kind of weird that it’s being done as a Kickstarter and Sony are just plugging it.
Jason: Add an HD collection and I’ll scream.
Dean: “The fate of Shenmue is in your hands now.”
Jason: No remake? Dreamcast stays hooked up, then.

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In which Andrew House talks about boring things

Dean: Hello, Andrew House *waves*
Scott: Project Morpheus, now
Dean: Emphasising the multiplayer nature of it – but surely its possible for Oculus to do that too?
Jason: No, only consoles have multiplayer, you heard the man.
Dean: Oh yeah, sorry.
Jason: Talking about TV – that’s never backfired at E3 before.
Dean: They’ve found the ‘idiots guide to E3 presentations’ that Microsoft threw out last year.
Isn’t calling their service ‘Vue’ going to jar with the cinema chain?

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In which COD switches sides, Star Wars appears again and Batman gets zombies

Jason: Collar Doody.
Dean: COD is on the decline, so Microsoft let Sony have a turn showing it. Is this a Co-op mode? Every COD needs to be announced with a horrific injury! Has COD done co-op before?
Jason: Pretty sure it must have.
Dean: It’s not the big selling point though – interesting choice to show this off.
Jason: It’s had co-op for sure not 100% about campaign though.
Dean: Destructible buildings – have they got Battlefield’s Levolution tech? Now they are talking about the Multiplayer – Its “unlike any call of duty before” but quite a lot like Titan Fall.

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Scott: Oh hey, more Star Wars John Vignocchi is a fun dude. I still remember the photo of him at Ryan Davis’ wedding. God speed, Ryan.
Dean: We’re calling episodes 1, 2 & 3 ‘the clone wars era’ because only the cartoon was any good!
Jason: The camera man almost missed Boba Fett!
Dean: Knowing Boba, he wouldn’t have been very happy
Scott: IT’S A TRAP! Tehehehe. Zelda health bar.
Dean: Need to find them heart containers!
Scott: Hm, new Bioshock or something, now?

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Jason: Batman?
Scott: Flower in a bag… could this be the new Mad Max? Or… Batman, yes
Dean: Joker is being cremated. That face paint is really flammable.
Was that Johnny Cash’s voice?
Scott: That would be… difficult.
Jason: Can’t wait for Batman!
Dean: Arkham Knight has zombies. Maybe Johnny Cash is an option… Scarecrow?

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In which Drake annoys a tank and hijinks ensues

Dean: Time for Uncharted. Must be coming to the end. Ah, Sully! Such a scamp! I love the dynamic between him and Drake – reminds me of The Last Crusade.
Scott: Oh no. Frozen demo?
Dean: Someone forgot to charge the controller. It wouldn’t be a Sony press conference without a technical hitch or drunk cameramen.
Jason: At least you know it’s real footage
Dean: The destructible cover is great. Looks like actual scenery, rather than conveniently placed walls to hide behind. This is classic Drake!
Jason: I really don’t think anyone does cinematic gameplay like Naughty Dog does
Dean: Their set pieces are so good. Even when you’re on rails it doesn’t feel like you’re on rails. This car chase is epic!
Jason: Exactly, Tomb Raider’s copy job, as good as it was, is like amateur hour by comparison
Scott: That car would have EXPLODED by now, but I’m willing to accept this with Nathan’s insanely high luck attribute, just like Indy.
Dean: Typical rogue – he’s min maxed luck and Dex. Yeah, everything I’ve seen of that game looks utterly amazing. Totally ready for a new Uncharted!

In which we discuss the nature of exclusivity

Scott: Patrick makes a good point, here:

Last Guardian, FFVII remake AND pushing the Shemnue III Kickstarter are incredible wins, but… it’s all distant future.
Dean: True – they are having a slow year all round really
Jason: Yeah, they did mention prior to E3 they are in a new dev cycle
Dean: Maybe they should have staggered the dev cycle a little better. Gotta rely on them third party bucks.
Jason: It’s like their own console launch caught them by surprise

Dean: Square Enix shares have spiked! Quick, get me my accountant – I need to sell some shares
Scott: I now have more reason than ever to pick up a PS4, eventually, but… I still think my 2013 PC (which outperforms a PS4, generally) and my Wii U (which has more actual exclusives) will keep me going for a while longer. But hey, good on Sony for a brilliant conference!
Jason: Pretty good show! Would have liked a ‘building the list’ segment, since it gave us Day of the Tentacle last year
Dean: Good conference – but I feel Microsoft is nipping closer at their heels this year. So Sony have been like “shit gotta bring out the big guns!” FF7 remake, Boom! Last Gaurdian, Boom! Shenmue 3, boom! Next time they need to impress though, there’s nothing waiting in the wings! Gotta work on that first party stuff harder – get Japan Studio going properly again.
Scott: They have pulled from the coffers; FFVII remake is literally their BIGGEST gun, and it’s not even a true exclusive.
Dean: Will Shenmue be a true exclusive, do you think?
Scott: Nope
Dean: It says PC and PS4 on the Kickstarter – so no xbox?
Jason: Woah, Xbox snubbed for Shenmue!
Scott: True exclusives are still thin, but good on The Last Guardian returning.
Dean: Thank god that is going to see the light of day. I just hope the hype and expectation hasn’t killed it. Don’t worry, Jason, Xbox are getting Euro Forklift Simulator instead, so everyone’s happy!