Personnel Files – Johnny

Name: Jonathan ‘Danger’ Grier

Age: 26

Current Location: A land flowing with porridge and shortbread.

First gaming memory: An Alex Kidd game that was built into my mate’s brother’s Master System. Even back then when I was about five I threw my fair share of controllers thanks to that bloody game.

Longest gaming session: I once played Final Fantasy VII for 11 hours straight before having to stop because I was pretty sure parts of my brain were starting to shut down. I got to the end of the first disc though which is pretty damn good for 11 hours.

Least favourite genre: Hack ‘n’ Slash. With the odd exception like The Force Unleashed or Ninja Gaiden Black they bore the ever-loving snot out of me. Probably because I’m terrible at them, it’s a festival of button mashing with me.

Favourite gaming snack: Mackies Haggis flavoured crisps if I’m on a console because I’m a huge stereotype. If I need to keep my hands grease-free so’s not to spoil my mouse I’ll usually settle for keeping my belly filled to the brim with coffee and/or Mountain Dew, because I’m a sell-out.

Reaction to dying in-game: It begins with laughter and phrases like “aw that was stupid of me” but slowly, as my mug runs dry the lake of my patience dries up with it and I descend into flavoursome language like “oh you absolute CAD” and “well diddle my dawdles, this game is not entirely fair.”

Actually my reaction to dying is to wake up my wife with shouting and get my head chewed off.

Favourite game character: Prince Arthas Menethil’s story has always really resonated with me for some reason. I’ve never gone on an vengeful crusades, ordered an entire city culled to prevent disease spreading, or murdered my own father but I think Arthas is a character we can all relate to. His quest for vengeance against the nasty evil people who tormented his people saw him committing numerous atrocities to achieve what he saw as a greater good. In committing evil acts to save his people he ultimately doomed them. As a character he’s as tragic as he is menacing.

Most hated game character: Nathan Drake. Mr Smug Cunt himself. I spent the entirety of the first Uncharted game praying that he’d be killed off and replaced with someone who isn’t such an arrogant, unlikeable arsehole. Three games later and he’s still around. I never get what I want.

Favourite game EVER!: Every time I answer this question I seem to come up with a different answer but for now I’m going to say it’s The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It’s basically perfect in every way. Lovely animations, beautiful world, great combat, intimidating monsters, and a great wee story. It’s the reason I’ve got my N64 perpetually plugged into my flat screen telly.

Laura asks: Has a game ever made you cry?

Johnny: I’m sad to admit that a game has never made me cry. Games have made me feel a myriad of different emotions ranging from happiness (the survival of Carmine), to horror (No Russian), to dumbfounded shock, (the ending to Spec Ops: The Line) but they’ve never moved me to tears. In all fairness thought I’m not the a person who really cries, unless I’ve spilled my pint or sat on my own genitals.

James asks: What’s your favourite collectible in a game and why?

Johnny: Has to be the skulls from the Halo series, simply because they act as more than just some daft pointless thing to look at. They let you make cool changes to the game like bigger explosions, minuscule amounts of ammo or requiring you to melee enemies to recharge your shields. It’s a really cool way to let people unlock little extras by paying extra attention to the game world. Plus you can twat people with them.

Carly asks: What would be your dream Kickstarter?

Johnny: A Kickstarter project that aims to resurrect the Dreamcast’s online servers and let people get back in on the glorious era of online Dreamcast gaming that was over far too soon. Phantasy Star Online, Bomberman Online, Chu-Chu Rocket. Damn you, public. How could you let the Dreamcast die?