If John Cooper Clarke was ever stuck for inspiration (I say this metaphorically of course and not because he recently featured on an advert for chips) he might do well to shuffle down to St Peters Street in Derby for the midnight launch of Grand Theft Auto VI; the punk poet’s notebook would be full in a matter of minutes. I was fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of GTA V’s midnight launch and, to be frank, have concluded that it will be my last – it all got a bit too real man.
Midnight (or 2230 to 0120 to be precise) in the great city of Derby is no place to be on a Tuesday night/Monday morning for a man who works a nine to five. Strewn amongst the kebab wrappers, empty Relentless cans and discarded flyers promising eternal salvation I found myself, huddled against a McCoffee for warmth and trying to look as tough and imposing as my fellow huddlers. Midnight launches are tough, I knew this, I’ve done it all before, but this time it all felt a bit wrong; a bit hostile.
I’ve had the pleasure of attending these miracles of modern consumerism around ten times, each with varying degrees of discomfort. They have ranged from the “are we really doing this” (Animal Crossing/The Last of Us) to the “I’m gonna pwn you, LOL, YOLO.” (Call of Duty: Black Ops), but this one was the most uncomfortable. As the Monday night revellers (this is Derby) continued their search for late night drinking holes, the questions began to rain down:
“Why are you waiting for Greggs to open?”
“We’re waiting for GAME to open for a videogame.”
“Oh… aren’t you a bit old to be playing with toys?”
I had any number of comebacks for this one, but I went with the least offensive, “Yes, that’s why I play computer games.”
“Bit sad like, isn’t it?”
“Perhaps, but you’re the one staggering around looking for some dive to charge you £4.50 for a drink that tastes like Kia-Ora and bleach… on a Monday.”
I can only assume these conversations were had all over the country at that time and, while I dislike being told by some drunk in the street, my inebriated friend did have a point; it was a bit sad. I could have waited until the morning to skip down to Tesco’s and pick up a copy, but there was something inside me that meant I had to have it that night. Now for the first time I am beginning to ask myself why. WHY?
Either it’s the greatest trick capitalism ever pulled or I just don’t think about what I’m doing enough. How many other objects would I queue up for at midnight to engage with for half an hour before falling asleep (aside from a decent Margarita)? Probably nothing, and that’s how it should be for someone my age.
I understand that I may sound like an utter buzzkill (Hi, my name’s Richard. I don’t think we’ve met.), I’ve seen midnight launches that look like fun (cosplay, competitions and jugglers etc), it’s just this particular one has put me off. The dour faces, the obnoxious 15-year-old who didn’t get a decent enough fake ID, the tramps walking the entire line asking for change (he made a fortune) just made me question why I wasn’t at home.
It’s not that I feel like I should distance myself from gaming, far from it, I love it now more than I ever have, it just seems like the bar of acceptability is much lower than it used to be; as well as my tolerance for standing out in the cold. As I stood there I racked my brains to come up with a better reason than “I’m buying a computer game” to explain my presence should anyone I know, and respect, see me. When that starts to happen I think it might be time to admit defeat and embrace Amazon.
Maybe I’m just getting too old for this shit…
… OH GOD, I’M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT!
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