I don’t have any time for full-fat video games at the moment because people keep making me do stuff, so I’ve been sneakily playing iPhone games instead of doing the stuff I’m supposed to be doing. Don’t tell the people.
Regrettably, though, I’m an idiot, and I’ve gotten stuck on the only two games I actually play.
I’m basically walking around with a handpicked selection of intergalactic explorers slowly burning to death in my pocket.
I don’t want to look the solutions up on the internet because I’m fed up of that being my solution to everything (recipes, gift ideas, what to do when you’ve accidentally drowned a dog), so please don’t tell me how to progress from where I am if you think you can help. The point of this article is for you all to appreciate just how hard my life is. Let’s get on with it.
2. Star Command
Star Command is a nifty little game by the name of Star Command, and it’s pretty nifty. Playing like a cross between Theme Hospital and FTL, you have to guide your starship and its crew through a series of linear missions that will be pleasingly familiar to any fans of Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, or whatever the hell it is that NERDS are watching at the moment.
You have to select rooms and thus features to add to your ship, and then hire crew and decide where to deploy them, striking a balance between tactical, science, and engineering. It’s all ridiculously charming, due in no small part to the cute little 60s-style Star Trek uniforms your little crew-members scamper about in. There were even zombies on one mission, which was nice.
Things were going pretty well aboard my gallant vessel, Candy Floss. We’d just gained a new green alien crew member, which is what space-faring is all about really. I stuck her out of the way in the med-bay, because I didn’t want to have to look at her weird green alien face. Then, out of nowhere, everything went completely wrong and we found ourselves facing off against a vastly superior enemy. We just about managed to hightail it out of there before the entire ship exploded, but not before large portions of the hull caught fire. The metal hull caught fire. In space. That’s how bad it was.
I don’t know how to put the fires out, or plug the alarming holes in the hull. The game didn’t tell me. I have engineers, but when I put them near the fires they’d just run off and stand in the corner, like I suppose any sane person would. It has been like this for a month now. Sometimes I open the game and prod about for thirty seconds or so, then I get disheartened and turn it off. I’m basically walking around with a handpicked selection of intergalactic explorers slowly burning to death in my pocket.
You might have noticed that this is pretty much exactly what happened when I played FTL. All I can say about that is at least I’m consistent.
1. Year Walk
Year Walk is an atmospheric Myst-like adventure which intersperses tactile puzzling with genuinely unnerving exploration. You’re seemingly placed in the shoes of someone going on the titular ramble, which is a bit like going on a gap year to find oneself but with more screaming and terrifying reanimated infants.
You wander around a beautifully sparse and lonely environment, quickly realising that it isn’t lonely at all. There are worrying mythical beings hiding in cabins, streams and other places you’d rather just be sidling around in peace.
I sauntered into an area and found a nymph-like woman, who flew off. I followed her to a tree, which I think she disappeared into. I can’t quite remember. That left these two owls sitting on the branches. If you tap the owls, they hoot. Seems I’m supposed to tap in a certain sequence which will allow me to progress through the game.
Obviously, everything I try fails. I’m not a complete idiot; I did find a cabin with a doll that looks like it might have the solution… WAIT A SEC.
You can follow Simon (@MrCuddleswick) on Twitter here and also slowly by car if you want.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.