Listing Life Dangerously – Three Mistakes I Made In Four Minutes of FTL

 

Faster Than Light is a sort of spaceship strategy/dying whilst on fire simulator. I tried it for the first time just now. It didn’t go well.

I’ve watched a fair bit of Star Trek in my time, so after taking one look at FTL I assumed I’d breeze through it. I know what shields are. I know what coolant leaks are. I know what it is to make love to green alien things.

I was wrong. I should have at least played through the tutorial first. Game is HARD. Here are the bad decisions I made in my first and only four minutes with FTL.

Undeniably 103 more points than I'd have got if I hadn't played the game at all
New High Score!

3. Let’s go through that nebula!

I've got this
What?! The cheeky blighter!

My first decision upon starting a new game was which star sector to make my first jump to. I picked the one with the nebula, because I figured it’d be nice and quiet and no-one would be able to see me. Of course, my enemies already knew I’d make that decision, and had positioned one of their scouts in the nebula. He spotted me and made a run for it.

You might think I’m being harsh on myself, but someone who knows Star Trek so well should also know that nothing good ever happens in a nebula.

Level of Idiocy: 7/10 e.g. Picard and that bloody flute

Picard Flute

 

2. Don’t waste missiles on enemy ships!

THE CHEEKY BLIGHTER!
THE CHEEKY BLIGHTER!

My ship (which I’ve posthumously named the USS Why) was fitted with lasers and missiles. I’d heard that FTL is a hard game in which resources are sparse, so I decided not to waste precious missiles on this small, automated scout. I targeted it with lasers, and did a bit of damage, but not enough. The enemy scout flew off, to tell my foes where I am. I should have used my missiles.

Level of Idiocy: 9/10 e.g. being friends with Neelix

Neelix

 

1. That fire will probably go out on its own!

Captain, there are several red flashing lights and exploding things on-screen.
Captain, there are several red flashing lights and exploding things on-screen.

In the very next star sector I jumped to, I ran into another enemy ship. I used missiles this time. Almost all of them. The enemy’s hull eventually cracked and fell apart under the sheer weight of missiles, but not before they severely spronged-up my ship. If you look closely at the above screenshot, you can see that the little “O2” icon in the bottom-left appears to be on fire. It can’t be good when the status indicator itself bursts into flames.

Happily, though, the little flame icon disappeared after 10 seconds or so. Then my crew started suffocating. I think what probably happened is that the O2 Production System had burned away completely, and so was no longer showing as on fire.

I probably should have tried to fix it.

Level of Idiocy: 10/10 e.g. Worf in Sherwood Forest

Worf

You can follow Simon (@MrCuddleswick) on Twitter here and also slowly by car if you want.

Last time on Star Trek: Listing Life Dangerously we learned all about three things to love about BioShock Infinite…


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