Press SeX to Continue – Fun Facts You Shouldn’t Know (NSFW)

Welcome to the kinky corner of Ready Up. Here we can relish in the naked form, both male and female, and what better person to guide you than me. Zoey at your service, your resident sexpert both in and out of the virtual world. It’s been an awful long time since I first became interested in videogames, and likewise with sex. Combined with the fact that my head is a sponge for useless information, this means I have collected an absurd amount of facts that fit nicely into our theme. So with no further ado here’s some fun facts you shouldn’t know.

• In Final Fantasy VII you go on a date in the Golden Saucer. You’re not just limited to Aerith and Tifa, you can also date Yuffie or have a disturbing time with Barret.
• The top endings in the Metroid games will reveal a bikini clad Samus Aran.
• Moonmist (1986) had multiple possible plots, one of which included the first homosexual character in a videogame – a lesbian angry that her girlfriend had married a man.
• In Resident Evil 2 you can find a racy (for the time) photograph of Rebecca in a basketball outfit if you click on a desk 50 times. Ah, the days before broadband porn made us do crazy things…
• These are the best contraceptives ever! Although these are a close second.
• To celebrate the launch of Saints Row: The Third, giant purple dildos were sent out to gaming websites with the preview copies. These matched the “penetrator” weapons in the game that paired “the absurdity of a sex toy with the lethality of a baseball bat.”
• The Portal companion cube has appeared in seven adult movies – ok, this one is a lie but don’t you wish it was true!
• Pokemon X may be a safe child-friendly game but googling Pokemon XXX brings up something completely different… warning, you will never be able to unwatch these.
• Nintendo president Hiroshi Yamauchi once ran a, ahem, “love hotel” in Japan, where you could rent rooms by the hour.
• Bayonetta has unsurpringly started a cosplay porn craze in Japan.
• Classic Lara Croft’s ample bosom was originally a 150% adjustment accident by designer Toby Guard. It wasn’t fixed, by popular demand.
• It’s been 14 years since we first saw Lara Croft naked, now doesn’t that make you feel old?
• One in four Apple II users owned a copy of the first ever game to feature sexual themes – Softporn Adventure
• After the launch of Mass Effect, Fox News ran a special report (“Se*Xbox”) on how it was “a clear and present danger to the morals of teenaged boys all over the world” due to the sexual content. The host and talking heads admitted they had not played the game.
• Most of your favourite videogame franchises have spawned porn parodies – Ass Effect, World of Whorecraft and even Left 4 Head.
• The first same-sex marriage in a videogame was featured in Fallout 2. The inlaws were not happy.
• In Fable III you can temporarily obtain the Legendary Condom of the Gods +5. It bears the description: “This superlative contraceptive was forged in the fires of hell itself for her pleasure”. Unfortunately it is removed from the inventory before you get to use it.
• A recent study by Harris Interactive for GameHouse reveals that women who play games online have more sex than non-gamers of the female persuasion. Time to go on the pull then!

Join me next time as we continue our journey into the world where sex and video games collide. And remember: it’s not demeaning or empowering, it’s just hot.