Press SeX to Continue – The Witcher (NSFW)

Welcome to the kinky corner of Ready Up. Here we can relish in the naked form, both male and female, and what better person to guide you than me. Zoey at your service, your resident sexpert both in and out of the virtual world. This issue we’re looking at The Witcher franchise. Whilst not the biggest franchise known to gaming this pair of games is well renowned for its blatant sexual content. Whether it’s arguing over the use of sex as a quest reward (decided too risky for most and removed) or debating whether Geralt is using women or is merely a walking dildo that is frequently used, this franchise is not shy of a little controversial press time.

Written by Polish author Andrzej Sapkowski (if you don’t think the Poles are sex obsessed, I’m of half Polish descent), The Witcher started off as a book and became a raunchy action RPG. During your journey, women appear so unable to resist your sexy charms that the majority of the NPCs throw themselves at you, whilst a further few have options to seduce (check out The Witcher 2‘s achievement list for “Heartbreaker” – an achievement for a character specific seduction). Your character is so well known with the ladies that men who see you can often be heard saying “A Witcher! Hide your women!”.

But what’s sex without bragging rights, I hear you say. Well, have no fear, CD Projekt RED thought of that and added a nifty little addition. Once you’ve successfully fucked the female character of your choice you get given a trading card of that character. Seriously. These carry over on to new playthroughs so you can literally collect the set by screwing everyone possible in the game. The cards (dubbed either romance cards or sex cards depending on your preference) are basically novelty postcards. Our American neighbours found the whole thing far to shocking and “censored” versions that didn’t include breasts of butts were originally released there. However, the modders soon sorted that, so a Director’s cut patch was released shortly after to let everyone see their conquests in all their naked glory.

The wonderful thing about The Witcher is the variety of stunning females. Whether you want to give a dryad a go or just give a quickie to an unnamed townswoman there’s a choice for everyone. However, the most stunning (or certainly most publicised) is Triss from The Witcher 2. She became so popular that in May 2011 Polish Playboy even gave her a cover shot, she also featured in one of Playboy videogame character specials. In a step that I wish numerous after games had followed, the Russian publishers released a real life nude calendar to be given way with the game.

Whilst Geralt may have so many notches in his bed post that a light breeze would render it nothing more than a pile of firewood, you don’t actually get to see a great deal of the actual action. The one exception, yet again, is Triss. As the main love interest in the sequel you are given an uncensored and humorous cutscene, which no doubt took a whole team of programmers a long time to lavish the care and attention needed to produce this:

[flv]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHli1xDR9Cs&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fresults%3Fsearch_query%3Dwitcher%2Bsex%2Bscene%26oq%3Dwitcher%2Bsex%2Bscene%26gs_l%3Dyoutube.3…330.3866.0.4057.17.16.0.1.1.0.193.1602.10j6.16.0…0.0…1ac.1.lMm9Wr2OGZE&has_verified=1[/flv]

Join me next time as we continue our journey into the world where sex and video games collide. And remember: it’s not demeaning or empowering, it’s just hot.