Pipe Dreams – Pip-Boy 3000

Any person out there who has dared to venture into the wilds of the Mojave will already be nodding their head in agreement merely from the title of this Pipe Dreams. I must have, easily, sunk over 250 hours into Fallout 3; across multiple play-throughs and every piece of DLC Bethesda released. I even dropped around 50 hours into New Vegas, though I’m told that I hold the unpopular opinion of considering Fallout 3 to be a superior game in almost every way. This level of dedication, though, has lead me to a very simple conclusion, it’s 2012, dammit; WE NEED PIP-BOYS!

As we can plainly see; hardcore fans and people with more physical creativity than me have already undertaken such endeavours. Most, thus far, have been nothing more than an LCD screen which mimics the Pip-Boy 3000 from Fallout but does little else. I say it’s time for Bethesda to start selling out this bad boy. It’s simple; make a mould of the case, just like some of the fans did, and start selling Pip-Boy 3000 related products. Make one which is a day/life planner to keep track of your day-to-day life, plans, and diet. Put a camera in one and make the Pip-Boy screen the preview section – you could even add some photo-editing software for on the go. Hell, just make one which is just the most over-the-top watch in the history of the world. You remember those old Casio watches which had about 12 million buttons but still got the time wrong? SCREW THOSE! The Pip-Boy 3000 portable time monitoring life assistant will have 12.1 million buttons and still let you know when daylight savings comes into effect. BOOM! Sold. Each and every one.

You know what? You don’t even have to make totally new products. Just make a Pip-Boy 3000 which can help accommodate already existing inferior technology. I don’t care who, or where, you are in the world, if you played ANY Fallout 3/New Vegas and own an iPhone you’d buy a Pip-Boy 3000 iPhone holder. Imagine it. You get a text, you lift your left arm up and you quickly hammer a message away on your Pip-Boy while everyone who plays games on the bus marvels at you and the rest take a few steps back and begin to alert the authorities. It’d be BRILLIANT!

Oh! You know what else would work? PIP-BOY LASER TAG! Usual rules: you have a laser gun and the hit detection pads, your opponents have the same, but you know what? This is FALLOUT laser tag. Your Pip-Boy 3000 uses GPS tracking to map your enemies’ location, your health, the numbers of hits you’ve made, even the current leaderboard. Full, up to the minute, laser tag stats all from your Bethesda approved Pip-Boy 3000 Fallout laser tag game set (each Pip-Boy sold separately).

The weirdest part is that I don’t even care which one of these they go for. Even if Bethesda just gave up on all imagination and released a Pip-Boy 3000 that was nothing more than an extremely expensive wrist-weight I’d still be slamming my pre-order down on Amazon. There’s only so much work the fans can do, Bethesda. If you had the time and money to invest in getting ‘Brink’ onto store shelves I know that you can dedicate enough time and effort into charging me from £29.99-£149.99 for some of the afore mentioned products. The post-apocalyptic future is NOW; GIVE ME MY PIP-BOY!

That’s it for this episode of Pipe Dreams.  My name’s Duncan Aird, and I approve this dream.

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Do you have a suggestion for future Pipe Dream posts? I want to hear it! I think it would be awesome, and make my job a lot easier, so please do leave it as a comment down below. However, if you would prefer to use that social networking addiction we all have constructively then you can also Tweet your thoughts to @ReadyUp with the hashtag #RUPipeDreams, or just put a post over on our Facebook Page. The options are endless! Except those three are pretty much all of the options… I look forward to each and every one of your opinions! Especially if you are a lover of Marmite.