Fission Mailed

I am happy. Not in the hyperactive, leaping around throwing petals in my wake happy, happy as in content in my mind – yet still struggling to roll out of bed in the morning and shiver next to a little electric heater while I get ready for work. I’m exhausted and I have back pain to the extent that sitting in a comfortable chair with an orthopaedic pillow writing this blog is still painful.

It has not been easy, and I still feel extremely premature writing on the subject, but it’s either this or yet another blog about Skyrim, so we’ll go with this and I’ll try my hardest not to mention Skyrim any more.

Making video games is not something I have always wanted to do. In the past I’ve wanted to be Lara Croft, I wanted to be an athlete, and I wanted to write about games. I didn’t do particularly well at school in my GCSE’s or A levels, and none of the subjects I studied inspired me. I struggled in some important (and extremely basic) areas like maths, it’s hard to say if I’m just terrible at maths, or if my school simply exasperated this weakness, but for a long period during my education I was constantly moved between different maths sets, to the extent where I completely missed some basic things.

It was only when trying to learn how to say the time in my French class that teachers realised I couldn’t tell the time in English. But teachers didn’t teach me how to tell the time after that, my dad did. (Incidentally, my dad also taught me how to tie my shoelaces, and because he has a prosthetic arm I naturally tie my laces with one hand.)

Like so many people, University was a fantastic prospect for me for many reasons. At last, an opportunity to invest time in learning something that interests me, something I chose that was relevant to me, to attend classes that I made a decision to attend, not because I had to – but because I actually wanted to.

At Teesside University I began studying Computer Games Programming. The earlier insights I’ve given into my progress with maths will tell you how truly stupid that was. During my first week I attended a lecture on Graphical Mathematics, shortly after which I made a B-line to an academic/module advisor, and thanks to the flexibility of my Creative Digital Media degree, I was able to select modules that suited my interests and that had absolutely nothing to do with maths!

Teesside University and the social atmosphere it creates with its range of games development courses was quite surreal to begin with; lots of people wearing the same SNES shoulder bag, and when I wore my Metal Gear t-shirt people said “Hey, Metal Gear!”. It’s a peculiar bubble inside murky Middlesbrough. My main experience with the locals was getting reminded loudly of my hair colour and being asked for money. (Yes, I’m ginger, no, I’m in thousands of pounds of debt.)

Outside of the bubble there are some harsh truths that I took in only towards the end of my degree. Truths about the number of students who manage to find relevant work experience, and who manage to find relevant work. There’s also plenty of speculation about how useful a degree is in finding work in the games industry, and about how variable the quality of a degree is depending on where you studied.

I surveyed job openings during my final year, and found the demands are high. I learned that for work in games design, the average candidate should have worked on between one and two shipped AAA titles, should have experience in specific game genres, and have had at least one role as a Designer. In Europe one to two years of experience is the most common requirement, in America it’s three to four. There are exceptions though… I found job openings asking for over six years of experience. When I finished my degree I had one year of experience making iPhone games as part of a start-up, and I felt incredibly inadequate when putting myself forward for roles in larger companies.

Using editors like Unreal, scripting knowledge, and capability with Photoshop and 3D packages like 3DS Max are examples of what employers frequently want. These skills are often a requirement rather than a preference, and as far as my research points, a relevant degree was only a preference in design, because games design isn’t generally an entry-level role. This is a useful nugget of information I would’ve loved to have known before I started my degree.

I consider myself incredibly lucky that I was able to complete a placement year, as I know the vast majority of students (for whatever reason) are unable to. In my applications for work, my placement experience has always formed the groundings of my answer to the question “Why should we give you a job?”, because while I believe my degree might say “I can do something”, my portfolio and experience say “I did something”. I am not proud of my degree, I tried hard but I made some big mistakes at the final hurdle. For months I felt as though I had wasted a lot of time and money for absolutely nothing, and I cried a lot. It’s hard to see what you did right with a plummeting account balance and literally hundreds of unsuccessful job applications haunting your phone and email. To be honest I felt like a failure, most days I felt endlessly disappointed in myself, and full of regret for every mistake I’d made.

I’ve learned three important things:

1. Having any job is better than having no job, and it won’t stop you looking for the right one

2. Never be afraid to re-apply where you have previously failed

3. Finishing university isn’t the end of your learning experience. There are limitless opportunities to work on your own projects, and collaborate with other people. Keep doing it, and you’ll keep giving potential employers more reasons to hire you.

One of the highlights of this experience was cancelling an interview at Asda so I could be interviewed at Studio Liverpool instead. I arrived an hour late because my train broke down. I also told one of the designers “I don’t care about you or your dead wife” (we were talking about Castlevania), and on the subject of work, he told me before his previous work on Battlefield, he was selling vegetables. I didn’t get the job there, but I wanted to share that moment with you.

So why am I happy? I’m happy because I have finally been given a job I want, with developers I want to work with, making games I want to make. I can’t wait to start and tell you absolutely nothing about what I’ll be working on!