GTA V Trailer Dissection

Last week, Rockstar Games announced that they would be releasing the first trailer of Grand Theft Auto V on Wednesday 2nd November 2011. In the few short days until the trailer was released, the gaming community predictably worked itself up into a creamy lather of fevered anticipation. So much so, that when the time finally came and Rockstar gave the community the glorious release it so craved by posting the trailer up, everyone was quite literally foaming at the crotch.

[youtube width=”640″ height=”360″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkkoHAzjnUs[/youtube]

I was Ready Up’s man, live on the scene as it happened. For your convenience, I took notes so I could provide a breakdown of the main talking points:

00:01 – We see a notice that this trailer may contain inappropriate content for children. There is also a URL displayed below this cryptic message – www.esrb.org. I’ve been to this website, and I’m 90% sure that it is some sort of viral marketing ploy. Supposedly “esrb” stands for “Entertainment Software Rating Board”, but absolutely no one has told me so far that “esrb” isn’t the Norwegian for “GTA V will be set in a zoo in Norway”, so that is now the front-running theory.

00:08 – We’re on a beach. There is a couple walking towards the sea, possibly suicidally. One of them might be David Hasselhoff – it’s impossible to be sure on this point. Importantly, they have a dog. Will there be dogs in Grand Theft Auto V? Yes. Can you car-jack a dog? Maybe, I guess. Can you car-jack David Hasselhoff?

00:12 – We’re looking at some palm trees in the foreground, and skyscrapers in the background. It looks warm. I should also mention at this point that there is a man saying words constantly throughout the trailer. I’ve watched the trailer 400 times and I still don’t know what he’s talking about. Something about dreaming of velociraptors in a field of barley, I don’t know.

00:18 – Golf! There is golf in Grand Theft Auto V. Golf buggies too. That will be seen as a huge leap forward from the golf buggies of Grand Theft Auto IV. Huge intersection between the two markets of golf and Grand Theft Auto, always has been. Rockstar are still wise to this. Also, BLIMP! There’s definitely a blimp up there in the top-right corner. I now can’t wait for the blimp mission, and the series of missions leading up to the blimp mission.

00:19 – Jet Ski! Were there jet skis in the other Grand Theft Auto games? No one remembers, or answers.

00:21 – Mountain! Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas had a mountain. God I wish someone would remake that game with current tech.

00:23 – There is a man in a car. This is the first hint we see in the trailer that you will be able to drive cars in Grand Theft Auto V. Wait a minute – that car appears to be transforming. Is this, in fact, the first hint we see in the trailer that you will be able to drive Transformers in Grand Theft Auto V? Almost definitely.

00:29 – Windmills in a lovely desert-like landscape. Looks like Red Dead Redemption. That can mean only one thing: Sodding. Cougars.

00:32 – We see an authentic-looking American highway, complete with signs. It was impossible to read them and I don’t know how to rewind the video.

00:33 – A blonde lady in a bikini walks away from the camera. Could be Bridget Fonda in Jackie Brown. Can’t be sure. It might just look like her. Decide for yourself.

00:36 – Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air is confirmed.

00:41 – We see a burly man in a suit who looks a bit like Tommy Vercetti from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. This is particularly exciting because Tommy Vercetti wasn’t just a simple amalgamation of Tony Montana and Michael Corleone, and in fact he had his own totally original and intriguing story arc which we’re all very excited to hear more about.

00:45 – Planes, plants, wicker baskets and choking men – all now confirmed.

00:47 – Some men jump out of a van wearing masks. It looks like some sort of heist. On the side of the van it reads “Pest Control” and “Los Santos”. Oh my GOD! That’s it! It’s the confirmation we were waiting for! There WILL be pest control vans in Grand Theft Auto V.

00:53 – Some homeless people standing on the sidewalk under a bridge. Looks like a main road. Every Monday night, the Ready Up community will accidentally crash into these people during Cops ‘n’ Crooks. Might as well get used to it, so this is the first thing I’m going to make everyone do when the game is released.

00:54 – A man in sunglasses and a nice red top walks past. We can see the letters “L”, “O”, “S”, “S”, “A” and “N” painted in graffiti on the wall behind. No idea.

00:57 – Prostitutes and liquor. Both fine on their own, but never mix them. That’s my advice. Use it well.

00:59 – A poverty-stricken chap holds a cardboard sign up asking for money. People are saying he looks like Niko Bellic. He doesn’t. Interestingly, there is a sign behind him that might possibly say “San Fierro Bay”, or maybe “Send Fred Bongs”. I don’t know what any of those words mean.

01:00 – More homeless people under another bridge. Some have tents. I don’t think I’ve ever crashed into a tent in a car in a videogame. I’ve done it in real life, obviously. You have to do that when you join the staff team at Ready Up. At least, I had to. At least, I did.

01:01 – Tony leaned in and shouted “fighter plane” at this point. Not to be pedantic, but it really is more of a fighter jet.

01:01 – On closer inspection, that isn’t a fighter jet. It’s STARSCREAM!

01:04 – We see some large machinery doing……something……in the foreground. In the background we see some impressive draw distance. We can make out the blimp again, quite clearly. Rockstar are really pushing the blimp. Will the final battle be atop the blimp? Yes. Will the 20 missions before that involve raiding enough ladders from enough DIY stores to be able to build one enormous ladder that reaches the blimp? Yes. Will Italian guards throw rocks at you as you climb the ladder? Wrong game but probably still yes.

01:08 – A flaming car. In the background, skyscrapers. The skyline looks slightly different to before though. The sky is overcast. Maybe we’re looking at a different city? Overcast, burning car…..Glasgow is on the cards.

01:09 – No wait, the camera rises above the burning car to reveal…….the blimp. Glasgow is off the cards. Stupid blimp.

01:10 – We see a great big jet plane zooming over a nondescript hill, and the camera pans over to finish the trailer with a wide sunset shot of the city, mainly showcasing the blimp. Draw distance is superb. Blimp distance is difficult to judge.

Throughout most of the video I’d been thinking it was a very small blimp in the foreground; a blimp that a hamster might use to move between tall hamster buildings perhaps. However, I’ve spent a few hours visualising and drawing the blimp, and I’m now thinking that it is a normal-sized blimp that is simply far away.

What we have learned

1) If the game is set in a Norwegian zoo, it is a large, diverse zoo, with a blimp and only one animal.
2) You can probably drive cars in Grand Theft Auto V.
3) Transformers are in. 100%.
4) Pest control vans.

In summary then: the blimp.

N.B. Please let me know if I missed any appearances of the blimp.