Tropico 4

If you know me, you’ve probably heard me shout ‘Communism is fun, kids!’ but usually there has been some kind of fermented vegetable drink involved, and well, I’m usually kidding. However, with Tropico 4, those four words seem to be pretty fitting and sum up the overall feel of the game quite well.

For those (like me, before I played this) who aren’t in the know, Tropico 4 is a civilisation simulator, which plays like a glorified Farmville-meets-Mafia-Wars. Okay, it’s a bit more complex than that, but the idea is this: you play El Presidente and your job is to make your island prevail. Your people – most of whom arrive on the back of a freight in search of a new life – need jobs, accommodation, entertainment and a place to put all those gosh darn immigrants.

In order to attempt to satisfy everyone, your objective is to spend, spend, spend until you’ve got everything you need. But, much like real life, employing educated overseas personnel to tend to your numbnut locals is expensive and more than once I found myself borrowing money from the US, the USSR and the Middle East. And let me tell you, having a heavily-jowelled fellow that eerily resembles Nixon breathing down your neck makes you want to raise taxes to the point of extortion.

Tropico was originally a series designed for the PC, and – as with any point and click game – it shows. Using Xbox controls to deal with this highly complex world teeters on the brink of being abysmal. Now, I’ve been a console gamer since I was a nipper; all those buttons come as a second nature to me. I don’t usually need to think about which one is which, but during the tutorial (which took me an age to complete thanks to its detail and length) I found myself actually having to look down at my controller to figure out what the fudge I was meant to be doing.

This game has a steep learning curve to those who don’t sit on these sorts of games all day every day. As I mentioned, it took me almost 40 minutes to complete the tutorial, a feature I usually skip on a game (I’m a learn by my own mistakes kind of girl) but newcomers to Tropico are going to struggle without it.

Once I got going and learned what button did what, I began to enjoy myself a little more.  I built a few farms, schools, and military bases. I loaned money to the Middle East and told the USSR to piss off when they came begging. My people even survived a tornado. It was fun, it was silly, and to add the cherry on the cake, there’s a tenant in one of my apartments named Bruno Colon. Win-win, on that front.

That’s not to say that the game didn’t quite literally give me a headache, though. There’s so much to do in this game that there’s almost too much. I like sandboxes, sweeping RPGs, first person shooters with the goal of kill, crush, destroy and perhaps the odd ‘nom-nom-nom’ on a porkchop, a la Minecraft. I like a great story, great characters and immersion.

Tropico 4, however, doesn’t really have a single element of the games I like to play. Simply put, the graphics, the music, the corny voice acting… they’re all surplus. This is the kind of game that would still work on an Excel spreadsheet. It’s primarily a numbers game disguised as a simulator. All that matters is the money. Being someone who hates money with a passion, least of all managing it, it was a big sour point for me.