Olympic Hero…

Ah, Guitar Hero.

Despite the fact that my living room is still festooned with plastic tat, I had started to feel slightly more kindly disposed towards the franchise. Mostly, I suspect, because Activision pulled the plug on Guitar Hero back in February and since then the number of times I’ve had to hear Rock and Roll All Nite by Kiss has diminished considerably.

That February announcement came as a blessed relief for those of us who had had enough of paying through the nose for ever more niche plastic wish fulfilment tat. It was also welcomed by those who had long realised that, despite striking your best pose, you were still standing in front of your television playing someone else’s music, trying not to annoy your neighbours and NOT onstage in front of thousands of screaming fans living the dream.

Well, reading my copy of Metro on the tube the other day (wherein I discovered some unnecessarily detailed coverage of the dress requirements for beach volleyball events) I was struck by a horrible thought.

Olympic Hero.

What if Activision see the budding Olympic fever that will grip our nation (or at least our nation’s media) and decide that the time is right for a sport-themed Hero.

You could run for your country on a plastic treadmill, swim for your country while lying on a plastic ironing board, do a gymnastics routine on a plastic matt with red, yellow, green, blue and orange foot pads and take advantage of Kinect for gesturing and so on. at the end you could take your place on a plastic podium to receive your plastic medal.

Obviously storing all this would start to become rather problematic rather quickly but that’s okay because you would have a plastic Olympic stadium to keep it safe when you’re not playing with it.

In case you were wondering, this blog post is brought to you by sheer irritation that DESPITE laying down a one-in-one-out policy regarding plastic game accessories their numbers continue to increase and I am running out of sofas to hide them behind.

If Olympic Hero turns out to be real and not just part of a personal psychological breakdown you may see me tweeting things like: “It’s me or the plastic trampoline.”