Cakes On My Desk

I jumped into Splinter Cell: Conviction yesterday.

I found a communication book in the Third Echelon staff canteen. Here are the recent entries:

Mon 3rd May 2010

All the lights went off in the cubicles around the server room today as I was carrying a tray full of drinks to my team’s morning meeting. I tripped over, and the side of my face landed on a mug which was full of hot tea. My ear was fully submerged for about ten seconds as I knocked myself out briefly, and now it’s really red, hurts quite a lot and has been shedding onto my Special Insertion Team jacket. I didn’t see anyone around (it was 5:00 AM), but I know that area is mostly HR and you guys are always mucking around. If it was a prank you’re in serious trouble as I just sent an email to Director Reed and Anna Grimsdottir with a picture of my ear attached. Really not cool, and not what I need at the moment as things are stressful enough round here if you hadn’t noticed. – Phil (Special Insertion Team)

Wasn’t me or anyone in my team Phil. I can’t explain it as the lights are working ok now, lol. Serious HR Alert! Can everyone please make sure their risk assessments are completed by the end of the week? Remember to include an assessment of being pulled out of a nearby window by a stealthy assassin, as mentioned in the general meeting last week. It’s coming up more and more and we need to be covered on it. – k thx Megan xxxxxxx

Someone’s been taking biscuits from the jar without replacing them. We had all that trouble last year but I thought we’d sorted it out to be honest. It’s pathetic. You can’t just jokingly blame Sam Fisher and then go home without buying new biscuits. Not on. – Bob

Tues 4th May 2010

We’ve already told Anna and she’s dealing with it, but I thought I’d leave a note about it here. We came in today to find Phil from the Special Insertion Team lying in a pool of his blood and probably someone else’s wee in the toilets next to a smashed urinal. He had bits of urinal cake in his hair and his bad ear had been lying in the wee and now it looks a sort of browny-green. He woke up and Anna took him to the medical unit and she says he’s going to be fine. He can’t remember what happened. If anyone knows anything about it, let Anna or someone in upper management know. We’re all pretty worried. – Sue, Accounts

I saw those indestructo-chemical lights we have down in the warehouse. I was wondering if we could somehow make armor, doors or windows out of that stuff, because no matter how many bullets we fire into them the light carries on shining. I mean, it just strikes me as odd that we have access to a substance that is indestructible but we only choose to use it for some lights. Mike is on leave so I’ve written it in here as an open suggestion. Get well soon Phil, hang in there buddy. – Brad (Special Penetration Force)

I could totally swear to God I just saw Sam Fisher hanging from the big red pipe in the ceiling above the kettles. He was aiming something at me. When I looked up all the lights went out for 20 seconds and when they came on again he was gone. I’m not making this up. I’ve told Anna. She says if anyone else sees him then to let her know directly, and to try shouting at him until he leaves. – k thx Megan xxxxxxx

There will be cakes and doughnuts on my desk tomorrow from 9 AM as it’s my dog Foodle’s birthday. Help yourselves. – Frank (CQB)

Weds 5th May 2010

Brad and I were preparing for a Special Penetration Force mission when we saw a tiny little camera stuck to a wall, near the elevator in HR. It started playing this little tune, and Brad went a bit closer to see what it was and then it exploded. Anna’s asked us to keep it quiet, and the janitors have cleaned off the worst of it from the cubicles so some of you probably don’t even realise. I don’t know if it’s Fisher or another prank from you HR people but it went too far this time. Brad had one day left to retirement. That was going to be his last Special Penetration mission. Not cool. – Tim SPF

Cakes and doughnuts are all gone now. – Frank

Sam Fisher’s definitely on the premises. If you haven’t seen the emails or the alarms, we’re supposed to evacuate. See you all when this blows over. – k thx Megan xxxxxxx

Thurs 6th May 2010

I’m going nuts here. We’re down to just the SIT and SPF, and we’re endlessly patrolling the halls, never looking up. I have to write down my feelings somewhere. I feel worried and anxious. I’ve seen Fisher one and a half times. The first time I thought I saw him in the hall near Accounts, but it was only a silhouette of his last known position. I wasted two clips, a grenade and I threw my helmet at it and now the visor is dented. Then I saw him an hour ago in the server room. He jumped down from the ceiling (WTF!) and grabbed Phil from SIT. Phil’s ear actually fell off I think. Then these big red chevrons appeared above Tom and Claude suddenly, and the next thing I knew Fisher had shot them both in the head and snapped Phil’s neck. I mean, FFS :/ It’s such a terrible way to go. – Tim SPF

Just checked in the canteen and found Tim slumped over this book. Fisher has snapped his neck. LOL. The humanity. Think I might be losing it. I’m off to shout at Fisher. I think I’ll tell him he’s a coward for snapping Tim’s neck. He is SUCH a coward for doing that. Tim was cool. – k thx Megan (Acting Tactical Commander) xxxxxxx