An Open Letter To The Batman

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. A man walks into a bar carrying a corpse under one arm. He says to the barkeep, “Hey barkeep, how about a couple of drinks for my friend and I?”
“What’ll you have?” says the barkeep with a smile.
“I’ll have a Scotch.” says the man. And with a practiced flourish, a Scotch is set up on the bar.
Turning to the corpse, the man pauses for a moment, “What’ll you have, eh? Oh, I know, we need a drink that’ll really wake the dead. Get my friend a Zombie.” he says with a grin.
“I’m very sorry Sir, I can’t do that.”
“Why not?” asks the man.
“You see, you came in as last orders were ending,” the barman explains, “I was glad to serve you a drink, but now the clock has moved… so I can’t serve your late friend.”

It’s never good to be late. And you’re beyond late Bats, you didn’t turn up at all! I can’t believe I threw a party and you didn’t come! Do you know how hard it is to throw a successful soirée, when the guest of honour doesn’t even show? I swear, for some of the staff up here at Arkham it was really torture. Mind you, some of them seemed to have fun. I guess it is true what they say; “You don’t have to be crazy to work here… but it helps!”

So how come you didn’t show? Where was the Bat? Was he convalescing? Can’t he take a joke? Did the Batmobile get towed? Too many speeding tickets, huh? Or you slept in? I hear that global warming can really mess with your hibernation patterns? Oh, I know, your only clean batsuit was the one with the rubber nipples?

Well, whatever the reason, I don’t mind, I’m not cross. In fact, I’ve decided to invite you to my next shindig all the same. See, I’m having something of a… moving house party. Much as I’ve loved being here, I find the decor a little drab for my tastes. And between you and me, not everyone here seems entirely sane. If I don’t get out of here soon, I think I’ll go nuts! So a change of scene is what’s called for, and I’ll be moving out later this Summer. I’m trading up to something with more of a view. But there’s time for one last evening spectacular before I go. Invites are to die for. Be sure to R.S.V.P.

The funny man with the plan,

Joker

Temporary resident,
Arkham
Floor 7
Room 55

The above letter was delivered to the Gotham City Herald after Eidos Interactive and Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment, in association with Wayne Enterprises, confirmed that Batman: Arkham Asylum will be released at the end of summer 2009.