Previously on When Game Titles Attack!…

So, I’m stood at the ‘Battlezone’, being watched by the ‘Alien 8′, the only car I can see is a bright pink ‘Fiat Panda’. ‘God of War’ HELP ME! I can’t let this be my ‘Day of Defeat’ because of a ‘Fiat Panda’.

Yes, it’s no ‘IndyCar’ and it will be ‘Pure’ ‘Hard Drivin’ and I better ‘Pac-Pix’ of The Rock and my ‘Family. Dog’ will really miss me too. He hated the ‘Paperboy’ and those pesky ‘Catz’.

“Hurry up you stupid ‘Ork’” said the alien driver. “And if you don’t ‘Ōkami’ down, it will be a ‘Midnight Run’ and the ‘NiGHTS’ are like an ‘Endless Ocean’”

Well I guess if I win, it would be a good ‘Fable 2′ tell ‘My Sims’, if of course there are no ‘Future Wars’ because of the ‘Resident Evil’ and their ‘Saucer Attack’.

“The ‘Rockman’ photo is also not allowed.” said the alien taxi fiend.

The ‘Rock… Band’ from my car? They can’t do that! What about my baguette? ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll’? Is ‘Rock N’ Roll Racing’ to much to ask? I started to go ‘Berzerk’.

“Enough!” said the monstrous cabby. “The Rock will ‘Burn. Out’ of nowhere the ‘Rock Star Ate My Hamster’ after I won the ‘2 on 2 Open Ice Challenge’ so he will be placed in the ‘Obliterator’ at the ‘Killzone’ after your ‘Pitfall!’ defeat. First car to the reach the Tesco Express wins!” He gets back into the taxi and looks at the Fiat. “‘NASCAR’ by the way, ha ha!”

If I lose, it will be an ‘Abomination’, I don’t want to ‘Di. no Crisis’ has ever been this big. This is ‘Ultimate. TK’ Maxx checkout slavery might be the afterlife! NOO!

I hot wired the ‘Fiat’, and then watched as my high ‘Rez’ photo of ‘The rock’ become one with the ‘Fire. Pro Wrestling’ was his true talent. Now I’m ‘Hoppin’ Mad’. I can get very ‘RC. Revenge’ is also my speciality.

This is ‘War, Rock’

As well as hot wiring the ‘Fiat’, I ‘Mashed’ together an ‘After Burner’, a big ‘Gun’ so I can ‘Return Fire’ with ‘Point Blank’ shots to cause some serious ‘Bangai-O’. A ‘Harpoon’, ‘7 Blades’, I fixed the seat as there was ‘Twisted Metal’ sticking out, and it was ‘Sprung’ badly. ‘The Club’ in the car boot will be handy as a ‘Warhammer’ to ‘Just Cause’ ‘Max Payne’ to the Alien scum…

On your marks, ‘Jet set. Radio’ swiftly switched on, Go!

The taxi sped away leaving me in the ‘DIRT’. I had better ‘Kick Off’ with some ‘Advance Rally’ and put in some ‘Action. Girlz Racing’ can always be unpredictable.

I finally get behind the taxi. ‘Overlord’ Lane, around the ‘Pool of Radiance’ nearly missing ‘Baldur’s Gate’ and then past the ‘Little House in the Plateau’ causing ‘Urban Chaos’ all around ‘The House of the Dead’ and ‘Luigi’s Mansion’. The cheeky alien sh*t then starts his ‘Assault’ on me with a ‘Magic Sword’. After swerving out of the way of his ‘Blades of Steel’ ‘Road Rage’ and a road covered in ‘Lemmings’. I start to think, that this is some very ‘Wacky Races’, and all to the sound of ‘Girls Aloud’s, ‘Something Kinda Ooh’.

Lets try some of my ‘Auto Assault’. I gotta try and ‘wipEout’ his tires. If ‘ICO’ordinate the attack right, I might cause a ‘Fear Effect’. But on the ‘Contra’ry, I may just ‘Spyro’ out of control and ‘Crash Boom Bang’ into ‘The Dig’ that ‘Dig Dug’ dug.

Will Fran manage to ‘Balloon Fight’ with the tires and send the ‘Alien Strom’ back to their ‘Home World’ before they get to the ‘Tesco Express’ ‘Alundra’ one minute?

Stay tuned for the last thrilling part of ‘When Game Titles Attack!’

It has finally happened, it may have taken just over two years but the transition is now complete. I have become a Londoner.

6.30am I get up, I pack my suit, I don my reflectives, I power cycle to work, I shower in the gym, I put on my suit. 8.00am I sit in my open plan office and tell my colleagues how I am allowed to have canteen porridge for breakfast again because I cycled to work today. (They make me feel guilty about covering it in chocolate chips, but I ignore them) I spend all day floating from my desk to the tea point and back to my desk again. 90% of my work involves typing. 4.30pm I cycle home. 7.00pm I go to the pub and I talk to other Londoners about their cycle to work this morning, their day of exciting typing, and Boris Johnson. For all the in between bits… I play Sudoku.

I used to mentally mock the commuters I saw glued to their papers scribbling down meaningless numbers before they got to the office and spent all day typing meaningless numbers. But now I am one of the crowd. I like to think I am just a little bit better then most of them because I always play it on my DS but I have reached the stage where the last thing I do before I turn out the light at bedtime is play one more Sudoku. It has become my hot chocolate and I have become a cliche.

I need help. I am taking steps to beat the general Londoner way of life but I also need another game. Sudoku is just too London, I can’t be having it anymore! I need a game with no story, no interesting graphics and no catchy music. I must be able to pick it up, play it for 10 minutes and then put it away. In those ten minutes I want to feel engaged and satisfied, but afterwards I must feel no regret for turning it off. The hunt is on, I’m off to Oxford street to punish myself with big crowds and too much choice, and you… well your job it to help me with the power of game suggestion. Go.

Well that’s us all moved, hope you all coped without us!

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