Vigilante 8

Everyone remembers when Waggon Wheels were bigger, or when Curly Wurlys were longer. Stuff was just better back then. Well now, Vigilante 8 is back, with a re-jigged version of the old console classic, and it doesn’t seem to be as good as it was.

For those unfamiliar with Vigilante 8, let me give you a basic history. Vigilante 8 is a combat-driving game set in the 70s and based on a PC game called Interstate 76, or some such. It did the rounds of N64, Dreamcast and the like and then vanished into gaming obscurity. And now it is reborn, as Vigilante 8 Arcade.

If you’ve played the games before, a lot of it will be quite familiar to you – the levels, cars and weapons. Sure, everything looks nicer but under the hood (cunning car reference number one, folks) it’s still the same game. You’re tasked with destroying the other vehicles using a combination of evasive driving skills and kick-ass weapons. The weapons are dotted all over the map and are collected when driven over. Previous versions of Vigilante 8 have had a wierd combo system to fire these weapons – I have vague recollections of slamming control sticks up-down-up in order to set off some mortars – but the Arcade version has simple push-button controls. Apparently the combo system is still in there for those wanting the true nostalgic gameplay, but why bother when you can just hold a button and fire mines like a crazy person.

I have to say I was looking forward to this game, as I had enjoyed the Vigilante series previously. I think I had slightly rose-tinted my glasses, though because I was just a smidge disappointed. Everything felt a bit crappy. There was an episode of Top Gear once where Richard Hammond and James May reviewed the general public’s cars while the general public were in them – in order to not offend them they resorted to using condiments to let you know that there was something wrong with the car. By that standard, this game is a bit vinegary.

It just feels wrong. The handling on the cars is wrong – the natty sporty numbers handle as badly as the slower trucks and buses. Collision detection is just plain old weird. I spent a lot of time with my car in the air for no discernable reason other than that I may have been a bit close to something and don’t even get me started on the ski lift on one of the levels. And there’s no sense of speed. At all. It’s the slowest feeling game I have ever played. Ever.

Ok, you got me started on the ski lifts. There’s a snowy mountain level which has a couple of ski lifts as part of the interactive, destructable, scenery. If you go anywhere near these, you” find yourself completely and utterly attached to the bloody thing and being dragged up or down the mountain unable to get off. Now, I remember them from previous games but I don’t ever remember them having the power to reach out and grab you from a distance like some kind of leisure resort tractor beam. It’s incredibly infuriating as, more often than not, one of your opponent vehicles is lurking at the top of said mountain and the shoddy handling will find you sliding into the ski lifts, powerless to resist their lure.

Sure, there are moments when the game is quite good fun but a lot of it just felt like really hard work. I remember playing Twisted Metal when it first came out and thinking it was absolutely brilliant, I remember the first Vigilante 8, and thinking it was brilliant (although not absolutely) but now my gaming brain seems to scoff at an arena populated by two or three rival cars which I simply must destroy. It’s not as much fun as it was.