It occurred to me after getting a smug smile for being crap at Guitar Hero that it wasn’t my fault. No really – how on earth could it be? For someone who has played games her whole life, it is extremely irksome to be beaten at anything, regardless of whether or not it is in your comfort zone, by someone who rarely picks up a controller. In trying to convince myself and the other half of my non-crapness, the whole excuse making thing began to swirl round in my head and I thought I would perhaps list some of the excuses I have either used, thought in bitter moments, or plan on holding as future face-saving ammo.

Excuses, only some of which have been tested include:
(Please note, the author accepts no responsibility for any failure to convince/arguments/etc resulting from the use of the following)

  • It’s a new game-pad, it hasn’t been worn in yet.
  • There were cake crumbs stuck down the side of my A button.
  • I let you win (classic).
  • I wanted to take my time and enjoy the story/gameplay/graphics.
  • The enticing smell from the Chinese restaurant across the road distracted me.
  • The Guinea Pigs were squeaking, it put me off. (they were probably trained to do it).
  • The batteries were upside down in my Wii-mote.
  • I’m further away from the Wii sensor bar than you, so the signal takes a split second longer.
  • I’m a proper gamer and only play proper games on retro systems.
  • The plinky ‘X is online’ alert obscured my tank units at a crucial moment.
  • I just moisturised and it made the controller slippery.
  • You’ve played guitar all your life, that’s why I couldn’t press any button correctly on
    Guitar Hero and nearly dropped the stupid thing.

When all is said, done, and sulked over though, we have to be graceful in defeat, no matter how gritted our teeth may be. In no way should we stay up secretly practising or anything like that. Now I should finish…my alarm is set for 6:30 and I’ve got a plastic guitar waiting for me.