Achievement unlocked: You wasted ten hours.

At a recent meet up, the topic of Xbox achievements came up. More specifically, though, the topic that came up was how Xbox achievements are just a massive con that you’d have to be an idiot to buy into.

But can you resist their wily ways? I know I can’t, I just love seeing them pop up, and yet every single right-thinking cell in my brain screams at me that they are the biggest con since the pyramid scheme.

So, to put them into context, picture this; someone that you know comes up to you in a city like London and says:
“In this vast city, I have hidden 100 items. Bring them to me!”
The obvious answer to that is:
“Why? Are they valuable?”
“Uh, no. Not unless you get them all.”
“They’re a set?”
“Not really.”
“So why would I bother to spend hours finding them?”
“Ah, now that I can answer. You will be rewarded.”
“Now we’re talking. How much?”
“20 points.”
“And what can I do with these points? Trade them for new games? Add parts to my existing games? Spend them on blackjack and hookers? What I’m getting at specifically is, what are they *actually* worth?”
“Well, at the current exchange rate they are worth… erm… exactly 20 CWP.”
“Now you’re stretching my patience. CWP?”
“Cock Waving Points.”

Because, at the end of the day, that’s all they are. But I love them. I wish I didn’t, but damn. They are the perfect con, a swindle so magnificent that even the sharpest tool in the box will fall for it.

I only wish I’d have thought of it first.






8 responses to “Achievement unlocked: You wasted ten hours.”

  1. Shaz avatar

    Oh I’m completely opposite. I’m not driven by achievement points because it’s just not my way of gaming. My same point goes towards games that have unlockable features but require some serious effort. I’ll just play for the main story. Anything extra can be googled or found on youtube.

  2. Kirsten avatar

    That’s what I used to say, Shaz. Back at the beginning I argued that it had no real worth and ‘just wasn’t me’ WRONG! It gets to you. You cannot buy ‘the respect of your peers’ Only gamerpoints really give you that. People shouldn’t think that you are a better gamer because you have a higher score but they do! You’ll find yourself choosing the 360 version of a game over another “for the points”

  3. Tony avatar

    It’s true. I was playing Burnout Paradise on PS3 when I got the award for getting one million points in a stunt run. And I was actually disappointed that I had ‘achieved’ this on a console that didn’t give me meaningless points for it.


  4. Michael avatar

    Yeah, it does suck you in. You start off with your first plinky and think “OK, that’s a bit weird” then it spirals into being disappointed when you hear it and… it’s just one of your mates going online. Your face drops

    I’d never buy a game purely for points though. But I would buy the 360 version of a game over another format. I have done that with Tomb Raider Legend

  5. Shaz avatar

    Sticking to my guns guys. I shall not be swayed by plinkies! NEVAAAR!

  6. Martin avatar

    I’m just waiting til I get near 29,000 points then it’s straight down the shops to get Avatar! Only then will my shame be complete!

  7. Marko avatar

    As you can see from my gamerscore I am not an achievement hunter like some (PrinceOfEternia – former FLUK). Dan knows him well. I admit that I love the satisfaction of getting the point but I simply see it as an added bonus to something in the game that I want to do and find interesting. I’m not buying King Kong for 1000 easy points, cos the game is rubbish!

  8. Karl avatar

    I found the best satisfaction was completing COD2, beating it on veteran and getting 100% completed was such a grin-inducing feeling!

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